Learn from patients with pain similar to yours

CatchMyPain Community and Pain Diary App to manage chronic illness

Pride and Pain

Mar 12, 2016 1:24 AM

Okay, so, I've just figured something out about myself...I am too proud to use my splints, braces, canes, whatever when I'm out with friends or in places I might run into people I know. I need them now, or I just can't do things. So, I find I'm just not going out any more. I make excuses, or, if I do go out, I don't take those items I need and end up in terrible pain. I know it's stupid. I should just grow up and fess up - use the items I need. But, I'm struggling. I don't have a problem if I'm unlikely to run into someone. Does anyone else do this? Or am I just stupidly proud?

Mar 12, 2016 1:57 AM

I do this, too. We just aren't ready to accept our fate nor do we want others to know how bad off we really are. I always feel like people think I'm looking for pity.

Mar 12, 2016 5:11 AM

It's all a learning curve, everyone is proud, no one really wants to have to use medical aids and other things, we're built to be independent, there comes a time when you have to just say to yourself.....I don't give a F*ck what people say or if they stare, if it means you can be in less pain then I'm gonna do it. But that process doesn't just happen....we're human after all!! Maybe take a splint out with you and then maybe show them and tell them how it helps you, then put it on, or get one of them help you out it on.....I've found friends love to help out with things, it's just our pride that stops us...😊

Mar 12, 2016 7:31 AM

Yes I do. Or well I did this until I started fainting and falling out in public because of my pain. It's way less embarrassing to ride a electronic wheelchair then it is to fall out and really ruin everyone's day or trip. It took me a few times of this happening for me to get it. But once I did life got so much more fun and less stressful.

Mar 12, 2016 8:20 AM

It was several years before I would use my cane in front of my own family! I had a heart attack in 2006 (I was 36). When they did the angiogram they dislocated my pelvic, and no one believed me for a year and a half! Even when they discovered the dislocated pelvic they refused to admit it could have happened from the angiogram.

For me too it was my pride. I still feel uncomfortable using a sling in front of my family. We don't have any friends, so I don't have to worry about that aspect.

I have had to put my wrist back in place in front of my family many times, so I don't have a problem wearing one of my wrist splints, but I still don't wear the other one. Of course it also gets in the way of using my cane, so it's difficult to wear it anyway. I don't even like to use my walker when I'm home alone on my really bad days. I don't like feeling helpless and that's how the walker makes me feel. I just can't bring myself to view it as a helping device yet. I mean geeze I'm only 45, I "should" be able to ambulate without this stuff!!! What the heck!

Mar 14, 2016 5:43 PM

ScaryAnn, that exactly sums up how I feel about it! I'm not 50 yet, and it's difficult to convince myself that this is my reality...

Mar 14, 2016 6:02 PM

This is hard to even think about. I started using a cane, walker, electric wheelchair when I was in my 40's. Some people looked at me like I was just faking, for fun.
Most people acted like I was invisible. That was the worst. Realizing that in our culture, ignoring the disabled is the PC thing to do.

Mar 14, 2016 10:37 PM

I will confess to being prideful. Not using my assistive aides. Yes I rather fall and crack my head and have people stare at me rather then me think people are looking at me using my adaptive aides.

Mar 14, 2016 11:17 PM

I wonder what strangers assume when they see us fall (I went down hard, right on my face, in the middle of a main boulevard) versus what they think when they see a young person with a walker . . .. I started thinking of telling that a skydiving, rafting or ski accident was to blame. No need. Nobody asked. But I felt better with that in mind.

Mar 15, 2016 2:10 AM

You are not alone. I have a cane and its good to help me balance when the bottoms of my feet are tingly or cramping. But its hard to use when i have to have my purse and cant use my left arm. I just stay home or bring a teenager out to the store with me. I use the electric shopping cart to help me. I can drive it with one hand. I cant push a regular buggy.

Mar 15, 2016 2:24 AM

I'm 36 in May, and every moment of everyday I'm reminded of the fact that I'm disabled now(4 years quadriplegic) but if I didn't have all the assistive technology, aides,personal care assistants(cause they're an aide too 😊) I wouldn't be able to do everything I can do now, Pride did get in the way and still does but I wouldn't/couldn't do most things I do now if it weren't for all my equipment and helpπŸ˜€

Mar 15, 2016 3:04 AM

I had to wear a brace for my ankle for the first time the other day. My ankle has been popping and hurting giving out and swelling so I broke down and dis the brace so I could move around my house. It's so odd to know that it helped and the realization that it's getting to a point where I'm gonna need help like that.

Mar 15, 2016 4:07 AM

Wow. So many things ring true here. The having to reset the wrist, the passing out, etc. I have fibro and narcolepsy, sometimes with catoplexy, I'm terrified to go anywhere, I gave up friends and unfortunately my own kids don't want to bother with me. I think that's the hardest thing of being sick.

Mar 17, 2016 10:26 PM

My loss of friends i have gotten used to because i am retired military. But my sisters and kids not checking in is painful. Luckily i have been bleesed with a large family so more than half still let me know they care at least weekly.
I recommend you find something you like to do and put it on your scheduled. Invite friends or family to join you. If no one wants to join you go anyway, if you need a driver to get you there see if they will drop you off and pick you up, or arrange for a public ride.
When you get there you may meet a new friend.
I went to a sip and paint event at our local winery. We followed the instuctor and we all left with some art to take home. Met some nice people, but did not make any friends.
My daughter brought home a flyer from school two years ago, so i attended my first weekly open studio as the high school. Since then my condition has worsened so i only go when i have a good day. In November our car broke down, and one of my local fb friends said to let her know if i needed anything. After two weeks i asked for a ride to the grocery store. She said yes and when she picked me up she saw my art on the walls so i told her about my classes.
Now she calls to see if i can go with her and she is my new Best Friend.

Mar 17, 2016 10:52 PM

I never really thought about it that way but I guess yes, you can say I am proud. I was told to use orthotic shoes that would boos my leg up one inch. So I would have a weird shoe on that would have this thick extra inch on it. Plus one of them has two steel bars going up my leg. It is a brace. A heavy brace. If I fell in a body of water, I would sink quickly to the bottom and drown. I am also suppose to use a cane or a walker. I can't bring myself to use a walker. I am only 46. I feel two young for that. I know it's not about age but it feels like that inside me. The cane, I will use from time to time because I absolutely have to walk. So I guess it is pride and also the brace contraption is too heavy. But I am ashamed to think my pride gets in the way of helping myself.

Mar 18, 2016 8:25 AM

Hi all. I'm new to this site and am loving it!

Two years ago I had a near death experience. One of my injuries was to my right leg. Somehow, as determined after many a test, my femoral nerve had been severed. It took just over a year before I was able to move my leg on my own and to this day I still have the knee buckling and quad muscle are non existent resulting in embarrassing falls.

Still in terrible pain. Some of my family think I should be rid of items that help me, i.e. Pain meds. To see if I could survive I stopped them for several days only to confirm that they were still needed. I'm tired of being judge, especially from my own family. I spoke at length with my dr and have come to conclusion I can't care what other people think. Easier said then done. Especially when the Are family. The only one true to me has been my father. He had a terrible car accident that's had him in pain for years as well. So he can understand what it's like to live with pain.

A lot lately I've been thinking is it worth living? Should I continue or pack it in. I have no wife or kids. My girl of 18 years left me after accident. As a result of not being able to work I've lost my business. I can no longer partake in volunteer fire department. And now as a Result of medical bills I'm filing chapt 13 requiring me to sell my house. Why should I start all over. I've lived a good life up to this point. I don't feel as though my family will miss me. They certainly don't show interest in me. So why?

Mar 18, 2016 12:34 PM

You've had a very rough two years. Thank goodness for your dad's understanding. Here you will find people who have losses and pain in common with you. Keep writing and reading.
I too have lost everything and I do mean everything, including the love of my life. But the one thing we can count on is change. Things will change. Never give up.

Mar 23, 2016 7:33 AM

Geez I would think that I've written that piece as it cover my situation perfectly.

Ready to start relieving your pain?

Join Community