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"So are you better yet?"

Dec 20, 2016 1:07 AM

I was recently booked off by my doc for 2 weeks due to my Fibro flare up being so bad due to my workload and stress. (Now I am not a sissy when ot comes to work. I am responsible for the workload of approx 6 people: Sales management of a team across 150 retail stores, key account management to 24 of my bigger clients, marketing & social media, events management, product training nationally and assisting other staff in stock and project management)

Eventually thinhs got ugly at work and the doc eventually wrote a report to my boss saying it is either 2 weeks leave or else she has to hospitalise me for a minimum of 21 days...

I after I had my two weeks leave I returned to work feeling utterly AMAZING! I had spent the first week just sleeping and the second week doing things for myself.

What I am struggling with the most is getting back to work and being asked "So are you better yet?" I feel like screaming NO!!! THIS IS A CONDITION I WILL HAVE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE!!!

instead I answered, I am doing better but still not where I need to be.

The response I received was " Well what are you going to do because life is stressful"

I wanted to strangle them!!! I said that yes life is stressful but you push past the pain and carry on...

I am so angry!!! I have been an 8/10 pain for the last week. I am not sleeping where I feel restored. My irritability is starting to irritate ME! I am so sensitive to everything and just feel like crying...

My anxiety isn't helping me either (there is no OFF switch and trying to come back to the present moment when my mind spirals is getting increasingly difficult) and although I felt better for a while...I am right back into the pit with my pain monster consuming every bit of energy I have...

Dec 20, 2016 9:53 AM

(((( hugs )))) am not where I can type up a response but will later. Know I care and hate you are dealing with this.

Dec 20, 2016 12:15 PM

Bravesnow, I'm sorry you're having a rough time. Others who are healthy will never understand what we go through our how much it takes from us to just get through one day, let alone one week. I've learned to ignore stupid and ignorant comments by others. Although occasionally we find explaining is helpful to others, most times we waste our breath. Just focus on you, on one step at a time. Pace yourself with rest in between activities. And do deep breathing and relaxation, or gentle walks or stretches to help when anxiety rears its ugly head. Been there! Sending you hugs love and prayers! 🙂💕🙏🌸

Dec 20, 2016 11:54 PM

Thank you Mimikay and Flappyslady for your support - means so much to me! I am a bit better today as i managed to get a good night rest but still not functioning on all cylinders... Will make sure I rest and stretch.

Also woke up with a fever blister so I think my immune system is taking a knock too. Cannot wait for Christmas though!!!

Sending hugs and hope you both have a good day 💜💐💙

Dec 21, 2016 1:16 AM

Bravesnow... I was just thinking to myself how frustrating it is when I miss a few days of church and when I go back several people greet me with hugs and tell.me how glad they are that I am better. I just cringe. Firstly - the hugs hurt. (try explaining that to a group of men and women who are 80 plus!) but secondly is the fact that better is relative. I mean, are we ever truly better? I may look better. I may have lost that nagging cough. I may have my voice back. So in that sense I am better. But not really. In a few days I will be in a flair up and dealing with unbearable pain only to have someone say, "What happened? Just a few days ago you were all better?" ugh!

I wish I had some magic words. If these people mean a lot to you, are special in your life then it's important to show them what is really happening. I keep copies of a few things in my purse. One is the Letter to a Normal. Its pretty basic and should help in explaining your illness to others. Another "letter" I keep with me in case someone needs to acknowledge it is the one titled The Spoon Theory. I know it was written by someone dealing with Lupus but it really speaks columns to all forms of chronic pain conditions.

Read them through and see what you think. (if you haven't already) I often thought/think how great it would be to put the Spoon Theory on index cards and the next time someone states or judges you - hand them a card. Oh, I know.. A purple card cut into the shape of spoons. ;)

Dec 21, 2016 5:22 AM

I can totally relate!!! I have explained to my co-workers what Fibro is but I can never expect them to fully comprehend...how could they!

I also find myself declining work functions or social gatherings with friends and family because I just don't want to be asked how I am doing or listen to another suggestion of what I should do to relieve pain... sigh...

But I have been very guarded with my spoons and use them wisely now :-)

Thank you for being there for me!

Sending love and light 🌸

Dec 21, 2016 10:00 AM

Truly, only others with Fibro can understand, I'm finding out. It is super frustrating to have to try to explain, I don't bother anymore. Bravesnow you have a lot on your plate and I don't know how you are doing it, I am definitely not functioning on all cylinders mentally (making really stupid mistakes). Hang in there and practice self-care to try to mitigate the toll stress takes. Be well

Dec 22, 2016 7:03 AM

Hi Danielle, thank you for the message! It really helps being able to just vent and talk to people who REALLY understand.

Self-care is hard but I'm working on it. I try to stop myself from feeling guilty every time I "take it easy" for a day...

It's also challenging when you know what you used to be able to do - but not losing positive outlook!

Dec 22, 2016 8:02 AM

Bravesnow I feel you, luckily my family is very helpful and understanding but I always feel like a disappointment but resting is important but I'm finding if I rest too much then it's worse; tough finding that balance! I think a positive outlook really can help and it is hard to keep it up. Gonna try some Christmas shopping today, I've mostly ordered all my gifts (thank God for Amazon!) so it should be interesting.

Dec 22, 2016 8:30 AM

Bravesnow, you have a lot on your plate with work and kudos that you are able to do it all (even struggling with pain). I had to stop working but I know the feeling of people always asking how you are, are you better yet, when is it going to be better? NEVER!! After over 25 years I've had to come to accept that and it's not easy. There are days I still feel like the walls are closing in on me and that I'm in a black hole and can't see my way out. You're right when you tell folks that life is stressful and you just have to push through and carry on.. however they have no idea how very difficult that is when you live in out world. Sending well wishes, gentle {{{Hugs}}} and positive vibes to help you have more patience and strength to deal with anything that heads your way!!💕😊

Dec 22, 2016 11:53 PM

Danielle, I hope Christmas shopping went well! I also used Amazon hehehehe

I also find if I rest too much it gets worse - and I am forever rotating my pillows (I have 4 different ones) depending on how tender I am and which muscles are spasming... have to laugh at it 😂

I hope that you know you are lucky to have a family that understands... my family think I am a hypochondriac and at least I don't have a "real" illness like cancer. They often say to me, just THINK yourself better. Now while i am critically aware that a negative mindset can sent fibro spiralling out of control...i have tried for many years to think myself well but to no avail.

It hurts but I have to accept that people always judge what they don't understand and this is my journey ultimately. And yes, it is not life threatening so I am grateful for that ☺

Dec 22, 2016 11:57 PM

@Alwayzinpain thank you for your message, the well wishes, gentle hugs and positive vibes...means a lot 🌸

I know how you feel regarding the bottomless pit of doom!!! Sometimes you have to just let it take over for a bit, even just so that you can cry it all out. It is exhausting not only physically but mentally, emotionally and spiritually to keep fighting ALL. THE. TIME.

I hope that you are having a good pain day and sending you warm gentle hugs 💜

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