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"You can't let this fibromyalgia take over your life"

Sep 05, 2017 11:18 AM

This morning I got a call from my mother in law. I was telling her that I've been in pain and there is a lot of things I need to do, but can't right now. My husband does that best that he can but I don't expect him to be tedious like me. I told her that when my pain ease up then I'll try to catch up on things. (I'm talking about housework). She told me that I need to stop using fibromyalgia as a tool to stop handling my responsibilities.😲 She said that I'm letting it destroy my life. She said "I have fibromyalgia to" and I'm not in that much pain.πŸ˜’ Sweetheart I'm not trying to be mean you just need to stop having a pity party and start back taking care of your business.🀀 It's been 8 months sense you stopped working and became a physical vegetable. 😠😠😠 Then she said my son (My husband) has too much on his shoulders. You need to step up go back to work and take care of your family. Life is hard you can't just live in the bed because you have some pain.😨 Okay, so I respect my elders and I don't use profanity. I was so pissed😀 I was going to respond using words that she had never heard before. However, I prayed and took a deep breath. Basically I told her to mind her business. Pointed out how rude and disrespectful she is and told her that i won't let her outlandish comments bring me down. 😳 I told her not to come back to my house.. Period.😑 I told my husband if he wants too see his mom then go to her house.😬 I'm done! I'm such a nice person and I'm always respectful of people yet it seem that others can't reciprocate that to me. 😟 Wow what a way to start of my day. 😢

Sep 05, 2017 11:34 AM

Am so sorry hun. How very hurtful to have to hear first thing. (Or actually any time). Fibromyalgia is hard enough without adding in the negative people. Am.glad you kept your calm while cutting the connection to this person. I imagine most of us have heard people compare us to themselves or someone they know. It's sad - I want to shake them and try to knock sense into their heads that this is not a contest but it is my life. Ugh - people.

Sep 05, 2017 11:52 AM

I don't think she ever really liked me. She never said anything or been disrespectful up until today. This mother in law is now a monster in law and I'm not going to deal with her anytime soon. That was really a stab in the gut. I've been through so much in my life. I didn't have it easy by any means. However, I've always been a fighter and been determined and knock over barriers that others put in first of me. I loved working and taking care of my house. Its hard to accept that I'm not capable of doing my job or climbing the stairs in my house easily to do housework. I'm just starting to accept that.

Sep 05, 2017 11:56 AM

It's a tough battle, relearning our boundaries of what we can and can't do. I had a preacher once who told my now ex husband that he had fibromyalgia once, and he just rested a month and was cured. My ex believed him. They both made life a living hell so I kicked them both out of my life.

Sep 05, 2017 12:03 PM

Lol right ... he rested and was cured.. Ridiculous. Maybe he had the miracle drug???πŸ€”

Sep 05, 2017 1:38 PM

I'm sorry she said that to u. That's so hurtful and disrespectful. I hope your hubby sticks up for you to her. ❀️❀️❀️

Sep 05, 2017 4:27 PM

Wow . First off I am so proud of you for taking a deep breath and praying about it . You do the best you can with what you got. Your husband sounds like a great man . I am sorry you got put down like that. Everyone has there different levels of pain. And some days are worse then others.

I feel you handle that situation very well and matured. Not an easy job that's for sure. If she doesn't lime you. That's her personal problem.

I used to cry if someone didn't like me. I know weired but now after all I went through I am like whatever and shake it off. So sweetie that is her lose. We all adore you.

Hang in there Stay strong πŸ€—πŸ€—πŸ€—πŸ€— pm anytime

Sep 05, 2017 6:50 PM

MochaBarbee, girl I'm having me a Madea moment just reading that. You did good to pray and stayed in controlled. But can I have her number, where is she at? Ok Ok I know that's not the answer. I need a minute to get my temper in order. I feel like I'm about to catch a case of someone I don't know. It's okay just don't give her no more energy.

Sep 05, 2017 8:24 PM

Yeah is is a character😦 but I'm not going to deal with her. I honestly didn't have the energy to snap and be mean to her. @painedlady Yeah I needed Madea.

Sep 05, 2017 8:26 PM

Thanks so much @Westrengirl

Sep 05, 2017 8:27 PM

Be glad I was not right beside you cause Madea would have came out of me.

Sep 05, 2017 8:28 PM

I know he will say something to her but she will not come back to my home. Period! Even if it is his mom. @frustrated

Sep 05, 2017 8:31 PM

That truly upsets me. Not only for you, but for all of us who suffer from chronic pain. I am terrified of doctors so I won't go (even though I need to) and my "loving" husband said, "I don't want to have a wife in a wheelchair." After my silence he said, "I mean from neglect".....uh OKAY! As they say, "do not judge until you have walked a mile in my shoes".

Sep 05, 2017 8:38 PM

I do t blame u mocha!πŸ‘

Sep 05, 2017 8:49 PM

@MochaBarbee. I understand that she hurtted you really bad . I am sending prayers. And also smhπŸ€—πŸ€— I hope everything works out πŸ˜‰πŸ˜‰

Sep 05, 2017 10:17 PM

Well done for how you handled the situation! I'm sorry you were spoken to like that! I will be thinking of you ❀️

Sep 05, 2017 10:37 PM

Thanks for all your loving responses. 😘😚😚😚

Sep 05, 2017 11:02 PM

@MochaBarbee. Hang in there. Pm anytime πŸ€—πŸ€—

Sep 06, 2017 7:08 AM

Thank you @westrengirl 😚

Sep 06, 2017 8:37 AM

It's hard for me to understand how people can say mean things like that to others. I KNOW when I'm being mean and I also KNOW how it affects others. I don't want others to feel that way so I don't talk that way. I am so proud of you stopping and praying and responding correctly. Maybe she will learn from YOUR good example. I have a girlfriend that has waaaay more pain than I do from fibromyalgia. I also have more pain than others and I would never think of saying stuff like that to them. My dad used to tell me "you can learn something from everyone. Even if it's how NOT to be like them. ". There was a perfect example of what you don't want to be like and you DIDN'T act like that either. Way to go honey. You took the high road and that's not easy. πŸ‘β€οΈ

Sep 06, 2017 12:15 PM

I like what your dad said... that to totally true! I barely have energy so if I have started arguing with her it would have zapped my energy. Plus when I get upset or emotional it usually start a fibro flare.

Sep 06, 2017 1:09 PM

That's absolutely right. The more stress the more pain. That's ONE thing we can control is how we react. I try to not react but respond which is exactly what you did. It helps our health a lot!

Sep 09, 2017 12:36 AM

I have a Monster in law... I feel for you.

Sep 09, 2017 1:22 AM

The thing is I'm a good person. I've never been disrespectful . She didnt want him to marry me. I think she is jealous of our relationship and that I come first in my husband's life. However, i call all the time to check on here because she has health problems. I'm not trying to have arguments with anyone. I'm nice to all no special treatment. It serves me no good to get upset with her. However its really irritating.

Sep 09, 2017 7:42 AM

That is cool mocha that you still call her and check up on her!πŸ‘. It takes a big person to take the high road. Doesn't mean it doesn't hurt though when she says disrespectful things. It does. It's just cool that you don't return the "favor" of disrespectful comments.

Sep 10, 2017 12:13 PM

People judge what they don't understand. I've found that many just plain don't know what fibromyalgia is, only what they see on the commercial that says people have pain. Maybe your husband can explain to her that his wife has chronic pain and he will not allow her to attack or cause her more pain. And that only her support will be accepted. I pray all will be well with you and that God convicts her heart. Many of us are misunderstood and that hurts as bad as the pain.

Sep 10, 2017 2:54 PM

Yeah @Lavin it did hurt me that day. I'm not the type to allow others to make me upset and angry for too long. I'm totally over her ridiculous unloving words. I can't let words break me down. Mental and physical pain can drain the life out of you.

Sep 10, 2017 6:45 PM

Im been dealung with fibromyalgia an others if anyone want to chat with me kik me at laurielaparr42 plz

Sep 10, 2017 8:54 PM

@MochaBarbee your welcome πŸ˜™

Sep 11, 2017 12:39 PM

It seems like you had a pretty good relationship. You talk to her often and tell her things she does not have to know about you and your business. My mother has made the same mistake of speaking when she has right right to speak about hinhs she does not know about because she is not living them. Have a talk and give her guide lines I find that works pretty well. Give her a list of things she may not bring up and if she does she either will get hung up on and ahe will have to leave the house. Speak with your husband about those things so he can be on the same page as you. My list was about finances, work , my pain levels (that includes what I could or could not do that day) and housework. Everything else was ok to speak about but if those things were brought up we would not speak to her until she spoke about other things. It worked for me. Some times people over step their boundaries because they do actually care and not because they are trying to be an asshole. But then again there are others who can't help but to push your buttons. It's up to you whether or not you let her. Good luck.

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