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ranting again...sorry...

Nov 02, 2015 8:30 AM

I’m so sick of living this way. I want to end all this pain. Nothing is helping, my doctors can’t even see me till the 25, I don’t want to do this anymore. I never wanted to do this. Why me. It’s not fair. I am 18 years old, I should be out having fun with friends and living my life. Not stuck on a couch all day crying in pain wishing I would die. My whole body feels like it’s burning from the inside out while the skin is icey cold. I can’t move my legs anymore, I can’t eat, once again. I hate this. Some one make this end. I need it to stop. Just a small touch feels like knives digging into my leg. Constant nightmares any time I sleep of being set on fire and being stabbed everywhere. I don’t want to sleep, but I don’t want to be awake. I don’t want to die, but I don’t want to keep living.


I need to rant....I'm so stressed.....and I just don't know what to do....I'm sorry for this being really...idk...depressing? Or negative? I just feel like this is the only place I can put my feelings....

Nov 02, 2015 8:36 AM

It's ok. You rant all you need to. As long as you don't keep that all inside, you are doing the right thing by venting. Call your doctor everyday if necessary. Hang in there.

Nov 02, 2015 8:41 AM

I am hoping some one cancels so I can go sooner...the pain is so unbearable now...like to the point that I scream in pain....any time I fall asleep I wake up in massive pain...I can't stop the nightmares...I've tried sleeping pills in hopes I just won't dream...but nothing
...I can't atop shaking...idk if it's from pain or from anxiety....I'm losing so much hair I swear I'm going to go bald....I just want to give up on all this....I just wish this never happened.....

Nov 02, 2015 8:48 AM

It's probably from pain, anxiety and stress. No one, especially someone your age should have to hurt that bad. I'll keep you in my thoughts.

Nov 02, 2015 9:58 AM

You are welcome honey

Nov 02, 2015 10:15 AM

Jenna, I am so sorry that you are feeling this bad today. Is there anything that helps crps. heat, tens, lidocaine patches. I know it has to do with the sympathetic nervous system being messed up. I was hoping their was some techniques that could give you some relief until your doctors appointment. What do they do about this for you. i feel so bad for you. You are so young. I have a daughter your age. I would gladly take away that pain if she had it. I wish I could take away yours because of all it is taking out of you. But Jenna you have been strong. i a neurotic about my stomach and afraid of throwing up and abdominal pain. I take pills just at the beginning of it because I am scared of throwing of. it is my phobia. I would not do well with what you have. You are definitely stronger than me and I consider myself strong mentally. Just keep venting and it will help get you through. Keep calling the doctor and telling them how much of an emergency this is to get you in. My best wishes to you and i hope you improve soon.

Nov 02, 2015 10:19 AM

Nothing helps anymor . Like literally nothing...my doctor even told me he can't figure out anything to do besides a pain pump or SCS and idk....I just hate this so much.....I don't feel strong at all....I havent stopped crying in days....

Nov 02, 2015 11:17 AM

Sometimes crying is the best you can do honey. Only you know how you feel. Keep venting to us. We will help you through. Would any of you like my email? I'd be glad to give it out if you want it.

Nov 02, 2015 11:19 AM

I'd actually love it :/ sometimes I hate posting certain things on the public forums.

Nov 02, 2015 11:20 AM

It is cearearose@gmail.com. email me anytime honey. If necessary, I'll give you my phone number too in the email. U could call or text me if u needed to.

Nov 02, 2015 1:43 PM

Jenna, I'm so sorry you are suffering through this at such a young age. I am praying for you dear! Do you do deep breathing excercises? Not sure if it would help you. It does help me to a degree. I know that feeling of not wanting to die but wishing I never existed. Sometimes I try to occupy my mind with something that takes concentration when those thoughts come flooding in. I pray you can get into your doctor sooner. ✌️💜

Nov 02, 2015 1:46 PM

My mom is saying that I don't need to go to the doctors any soonee. And I just need to start moving around and walking....she telling me this while I lay on the couch in tears not even moving....idk how she expects me to be able to walk around when any time I stand I fall....

Nov 02, 2015 1:47 PM

Does your mom suffer from chronic pain Jenna?

Nov 02, 2015 1:48 PM

No she does not....but she has been with me threw this since I was 11. She goes to every doctor appointment and she still just doesn't get it....I'm crying my eyes out as I type this and she is just sitting there like nothing is happening....

Nov 02, 2015 1:50 PM

I'm very sorry, it's difficult for people who don't suffer from it to fathom what you're going through. Gentle hugs to you ✌️💜

Nov 02, 2015 1:55 PM

I just can't deal with this pain anymore.....I don't know what to do....I can't stop hystaricly crying at this point. .I'm scared....the pain is.so bad....and my mom is the only way I can get to doctors or the er....

Nov 02, 2015 2:07 PM

Can you call 911 if your mom won't help? Not telling you to do something if it will make your mom mad. I'm just worried about you Jenna

Nov 02, 2015 3:19 PM

She just doesn't seem to care....I have had a few panic attacks in the past hour....and she just doesn't want to do anything.....and calling 911...will just make her mad.....

Nov 02, 2015 3:30 PM

Let her get mad honey. I r what matters. Tell her u need to go to the Dr. Either she takes u or u call 911, her choice. Honey, I know it's hard, but u have to stand up for yourself right now and not worry about your mom. She isn't worried about you.

Nov 02, 2015 3:32 PM

I'm just scared she will kick me out agains . If I piss her off honestly....like I love my mom and she i s helpful but she just doesn't understand. I am talking to her now though...

Nov 02, 2015 3:33 PM

Keep talking to her.

Nov 02, 2015 3:35 PM

Sorry to hear your in so much pain
Sending you hugs xx

Nov 02, 2015 3:51 PM

How ya doing hun? Keep talking. It will help.

Nov 02, 2015 4:35 PM

She says if the pain continues till 6 she is taking me to the ER. so in 25 min..

Nov 02, 2015 4:37 PM

Hang in there. Talk to us till then if it helps

Nov 02, 2015 4:40 PM

It does helpnto talk to you guys. But the pain is getting worse in my arms and hands so its getting harder to type sadly. Also having like something really weird happening. Idk how to explain it.
The muscle in my legs keep doing a weird "wave" thing and it HURTS like it feels like cramping along with all the CRPS pain. It's happening from my lower legs all the way up the thighs. What the heck is happening????

Nov 02, 2015 4:42 PM

I don't know honey but I'm not sure I'd wait any longer. Let us know how you do.

Nov 02, 2015 4:43 PM

My mom is currently getting some things together. Because I am usually admitted. So she I getting some basic hygiene things in a bag for me. So I should be leaving soon. I'll let you guys know what the doctors say.

Nov 02, 2015 4:47 PM

Ok. I hope they can help you get it under control. U will be in my thoughts and prayers

Nov 02, 2015 8:19 PM

Jenna, I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. My whole family has chronic pain, except my former stepmom.
Do you have any access to Magnolia Bark Extract or Kava Kava Root? They helped me stop hallucinating when the pain was at its worst.
Also, I understand not being able to move, walk, or exist without pain. It's absolute horror, and I'm getting tears right now.
I hope the ER can help you, keep us updated

Nov 03, 2015 7:57 AM

JennaR, It's good & safe to expressed your feelings here, rather than to hold them in. It's even better expressing them to your mom. I'm so glad you were able to get here to take you to the ER. Let us know how you are. You're in my thoughts & prayers! 🙏🌼

Nov 03, 2015 8:10 AM

Jenna, it's good to get things off your chest when you can. It's good that you can come here and vent. Believe me, we all understand. I am sorry that you are in such pain. I agree, at 18 you should be out having the time of your life. It isn't fair.. But unfortunately, life isn't always fair. There is a reason unbeknownst to us all that we have the issues that we do. Of course, nobody asks for this.. Who in their right mind would?? It's ok. Things will get better...(and worse and better). I'm sending you gentle, reassuring {{{Hugs}}} and pray that the doctors are able to ease your suffering. Remember that you're not alone, your pain family is always right beside you. I'll be watching for an update on your condition.💕🙏🏻🌻

Nov 03, 2015 10:01 AM

Once I got to the er I got hooked up to a bunch of things and then they admitted me to my own room my mom left (about an hour after we for there) I've texted and called. But nothing from her...so not sure what's going on with her. The doctors are mostly just trying to lower my pain. Not really doing tests or anything just lots of medicine

Nov 03, 2015 11:27 AM

Jenna, first and foremost it's important to get your pain under control. After they accomplish that, then they can run further tests. Make sure you ask them what the plan is to diagnosing what is going on and treatment options. Try to relax and go with the meds so they can ease your pain. I don't know why your Mom left you.. I can tell you that I would be all alone as well and would have had to take myself to the hospital. Know that you're not alone and we are all here praying and waiting to make sure that you're being well taken care of. I'll be standing by for updates. Sending more {{{Hugs}}} and prayers your way. 💕🙏🏻🌻

Nov 03, 2015 1:35 PM

Don't worry about where your mom is Hon. Just concentrate on getting that pain under control. I'm here if u need me. Hugs

Nov 03, 2015 3:22 PM

Alwayz. They still can't get the pain lowered. Things are honestly just getting worse. They said when I first for in that it was just my CRPS but now they are worried something else is going on. So they have started testing now even with all the pain. They have done an MRI so far.

Nov 03, 2015 7:33 PM

Jenna, try to do deep breathing relaxation. Hum or sing a favorite song. Imagine yourself lying on a warm sunny beach. Do anything to try and focus off your pain & relax at the same time. (((Hugs))) and I'm praying for you. The doctors have to figure this out!🙏🌼

Nov 03, 2015 7:39 PM

Thanks flappy :) I've been playing Pandora radio with my ear buds and at 9 they are giving my some sleeping meds threw my IV so I'll be able to sleep :)

Nov 03, 2015 8:48 PM

Good! Sweet dreams and a peaceful rest. 🙏🌼

Nov 03, 2015 8:50 PM

Sleep well tonight. Feel better soon. I'm here for you if you need me. I'm up and down all night so I can send me a message if u need to.

Nov 03, 2015 9:13 PM

Don't know if you're a Buffy fan, but if you are, there's a musical episode with a song "Walk through the fire" which I sang all the time when I was diagnosed with CRPS, and it got bad. I don't know, that song relaxes me, makes me laugh, and is relatable. Hope you get some good sleep tonight! ❤❤❤

Nov 04, 2015 8:01 PM

Jenna, I've been there myself.first surgery ended up being on catheter bag for 18 weeks and nobody knew why. The burning pain was insane and an hour trip to er took over two hours BC my mom had to pull over every 5 miles for me to jump outta car and rub my hips. That was before I was diagnosed with fibro and chronic regional pain..I wanted to give up, at times just wanted to die BC of the pain. I'm telling you now my 30th birthday I was wheelchair bound. I'm no longer in wheelchair, & I decided to change the way I handled the pain. It can get better I promise you. Don't give up. Hugs

Nov 04, 2015 8:59 PM

That's uplifting to hear Trtbarker! 🙏🌼

Nov 07, 2015 5:35 PM

Jenna, as you can see, you have the entire pain family with you and praying for you.. Love, {{{Hugs}}} and prayers. 💕🙏🏻🌻

Nov 07, 2015 5:53 PM

Trust me, my pain has its moments!! & my life is craziness & stressful with 5 teenagers & Dr appts up the wazuu, & it doesn't help the fibro & CRPS..but u will get thru this, BC god never gives u more than u can handle. That's why we have to promote awareness of the invisible illnesses!! Hugs & much support!!

Nov 07, 2015 7:24 PM

I am hoping for you Jenna. I am so sorry you are going through this! I hope that you can get some releif!

Nov 07, 2015 7:46 PM

I hope they got you figured out and o your pain under control. You are too young to be dealing with this. I will keep you in my prayers. Do you read on kindle, tablet or phone? If so i have a great book you should read about a young lady. Let me know I'll give you my email so i can lend you the book. I love to read to try and keep my mind off the pain.

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