Guys the last few days have been so hard. The stress of daily life plus pain is just to much. I've got a call in to my Dr about a meds change to help control my pain but I'm still nervous. And emotionally I just don't k ow what to do with my self. I just want the pain to go away. I want my life back. I want to be able to move again and to dance and to laugh just because. I'm sad right now and scared too. Feel as if I'll never get a normal life going. I know about the new normal but I dont want it. I want the old life.
Newfibrogirl. I understand. I'm so sorry your going through all of this. It all seems so unfair.
At age 14 I was diagnosed with JRA. Every rain storm, cold day, snow or ice storm, low pressure system. I was curled up in a fetal position and I could not even drive yet, still in school, drink, vote.... Just a whole life full of things ahead of me I wondered about. It seemed like every 16 months I needed to increase dosage of meds as the JRA got worst and spread from my knees to hips and shoulders and hands, etc... It Finially stopped around my late 20's but my joints were already damaged. Bursitis took over. Years later fibro. Then a massive car wreck left me all broken up. All the emergency medical teams and cops were surprised I survived. Brian injuries and bustier up body. My children dosnt understand and kept saying they wanted the old daddy back. One with brain injuries could never return.
I have had many turning points in my life were I wanted my "old self back" were I had learned to accepted and adapted to only to have to change again and again. Change is never easy my friend. Its hard painful. And sometimes cruel.
The best advice is to search out what you can do. And what makes you happiest and do that. For a while I got to ride my motorcycle. I did every night after work. I would ride along the beach for hours till dark and Finially go home. When things changed and could not ride because of pain. I found SCUBA diving. No pressure on my joints. Did that and caught lobsters and speared fish. Had the freashes dinners and lunches!!! When medically could not dive anymore. I moved on again and again. That's what we do... Over come and adapt. We fall... May stay down for a bit but we get up or get a hand up and move foward.
I'm hear if you need to talk. Praying you get some rest and the pain eases. Dream of being surrounded by rabbits and petting them and playing with them and feeding them. Smile and laugh and let go. Hold on to that as you push foward.
I'm really having a rough time. So frustrated with my pain levels and not having any control over how to bring comfort to myself. Trying to convey that to my doctor and get something stronger to help me on the bad days like now. My bidy is beginning to shut down. I need help I need comfort and support.
Overcome I've lost all hope of ever doing anything productive. All joy has been lost. I'm in counseling and we are working on restoring my faith and hope. But it's a long road. Mentally, emotionally physically I've been ripped down. At this point I only look forward to the end of a day. If I make it to the darkness just means I lived one more day.
I know exactly were you are at newfibrogirl. I do. I was there in that exact spot last Thursday. And many times before that as well. My faith has crumbled as well. My meds to the max and still have break through pain I can't stop. Feel like checking into a mental ward because everything is so upside down. Klining to a pillow in a fetal position and that even hurts. Sheets, cloths.... Even air from fans seams to hurt.
I have no words to help you. I'm sorry for Each of us must find our own words and way to stand again. I can quote you tons of scripture. Or words of encouragement. But you probably have heard it all by now right? Am I right???
So I can tell you I'm here... I have been there. I made it out. You can too. Its not to say I won't fall back into that place again.... I probably will. But after a time will pull myself out with what helps me. Find what words or picture or song or view that makes you want to get up and out.
Amen Overcomer! Fibrogirl, he's right we can give you all the affirmations, and sage words we were given; we can tell you how bad we were and we did it...how? I dunno exactly...the great thing here is we understand--we get it and YOU ARE NOT CRAZY! Actually, I think it quite normal for us to think all the things you stated...I still belly dance (sort of) When I feel that happy...do I pay for it...yeppers! I have a bar stool that I use when I cook and do dishes. As Overcomer said, our lives are about changes and adapting and that's not always easy. Again, this forum we can listen and understand...We, All of us have been in various stages of adapting to this life... (((warm fuzzy hugs love))) All my best...
I just posted a new thread.. I'm still struggling I had a Dr appointment today and I didn't get very far. I was hoping to get something for this breakthrough pain but nope.. I'm also so very aware of my increased weight but it seems the more I try the farther back I end up.