So I've been doing a little bit of grief work this morning. It's been really hard for me to see my life spiral out of my control, but I'm trying to make the best of it.
It's been interesting to see how much my trust level has increased. In going through this, I've learned a valuable lesson. I've had serious trust issues for years when it came to male docs( particularly my surgeon and my gyn). In doing that, I've lost a lot of my fear in a good way. I now can say that I don't really fear any of my care team. My urologist and gyn have been exceptional and always willing to listen and their bedside humor makes it more tolerable for me. Still seriously working on trusting my surgeon though(primarily because I only see him behind the blade of a scalpel so that doesn't help). I can say however that I do also trust my infusion nurse(even though he gets me riled up when he misses). I used to think that I'll never trust anyone again, but that's just not true any longer. Just needed to voice this with people who will understand. Guys, thanks for being my rock this year. You are the best I could ever ask for.