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Resentment towards mom for 'giving' me RA

Feb 28, 2017 5:16 PM

I feel like a horrible person for even saying this, but I hold some resentment towards my mom since she has RA and now I do too. There is a strong genetic component and my RA is a lot like hers. I feel like ever since I started struggling with RA (<1 year ago) I am less close with her. We used to be best friends but now it is hard to spend too much time with her. She is also really busy with her business so she is home a lot less (I am 20 and live with my parents).

I know that she didn't have ra before I was born so there is no way she could have a clue about passing it on.... But a part of me just is mad/sad/depressed/miserable and still holds it against her.

I have lost my life. I can't continue collage classes right now or do many of the activities that I used too. Am I a horrible person for feeling this way? Does anyone else have a similar experience?

Thanks in advance ❤️

Feb 28, 2017 5:53 PM

I inherited every on of the illnesses that combined to destroy my life and torpedo my career when I had my children and I pray daily that my children don't come to tesent me for passing them on. I lnew about the diabetes and the migraines...and people lectured my parents about "how dare you give birth to children!" I laughed when my mother and father told me people said that to them.

Even responding with tears on my face, and knowing O've been in pain for 45 of my 54 years I wouldn't trade my life. In my philosophy I CHOSE TO BE BORN to this life for whatever reason. What I make of it is up to me on a daily basis good or bad. My pain has made me much more compassionate towards other people that I would have otherwise just looked beyond. I think it does the same for my children. I know it makes them stronger and better human beings with much more empathetic natures than I see in the average 20 somethings that I talk to on transit.

So I ask you, are you mad at your mom? Or are you grieving the uncomplicated life you wish you could have had and mom makes a handy outlet? She could be your most understanding ally if you talk your feelings out with her. Your anger is more than justified. I'm still angry at life and fate. 😰😬
And around to talk if you need a shoulder.

Feb 28, 2017 6:02 PM

Your right. (Well part of me is still mad that it was passed on) But she is the physical reminder of my pain. It is hard to ignore the pain I am in around her because she is so tied to it. She is the only person who understands and believes me when I talk about my symptoms but I guess I don't know how to do normal with her anymore.

I am grieving for my life I've lost. The career I will never have. The possibility that I might not be able to finish college. The fun things you are supposed to do in your 20s.

We are kindred spirits in a way I never wanted to be and I guess that has driven a wedge. Thanks for your response ❤️ Resentment is the easy way of dealing with this... But not the right one

Feb 28, 2017 9:56 PM

I'm not as loving or forgiving as Sprowett.
I am unhappy that my parents reproduced and that I got all the bad traits/ illnesses of both.
I've asked my mom on more than one occasion why she had me and why she didn't get an abortion. (I was the mistake made in the back seat of a car that resulted in a wedding that should have never happened). She said she didn't know she was sick at 17/18, that it showed up later after my brother and i were born.
My dad has called me the mistake the ruined his life, so my shot back was that i didn't ask to be born and I'm his fault, not mine.
And i didn't ask to be born. I am not here because i chose to be born, my parents getting busy without protection is why i was born.
I didn't ask to be sick either.

Feb 28, 2017 11:39 PM

I'm so sorry gotobef. No one should have to deal with parents that weren't ready / married for the pregnancy. No kid is at fault for being brought into the world and your dad is totally wrong to say that (in my opinion!)

I am lucky in that sense. My parents wanted kids and me and my brother were planned. I do know that my mom didn't get sick until her pregnancy with my younger bro so she couldn't have known to avoid RA but it is still hard. There are so many other health issues (mental and physical) on her side of the family that I am praying do not get passed on. I already got the anxiety and depression that follows my menstrual cycle (as well as hellish periods that need to be controlled my hormones).

Anyways, I am trying to focus on what I can control not the things I can't.

Mar 01, 2017 12:18 PM

Petra3 you have the right attitude there is not a whole lot you can do but live the life you are given. You can either choose to live it in bitterness and hate, or make it a positive for you and those around you.

I'm not trying to blow sunshine up your ass. I understand Where Gotobef is coming from and I think her Dad is an arrogant assclown who needs to get a makor attitude adjustment anout the decisions HE made for HIS life. HE'S TOXIC! And should probably be avoided. But we all say hurtful things when we are hurting. Hopeful he grew up or is growing up.

Mar 01, 2017 12:34 PM

On my worst days to both of you, when I want to blame everyone or all I missed and all I should have been and had and scream about the bankruptcy and homelessness with my toddler children. I always remember a young girl in her 20's who was a college student in the US from a South American country. I saw it on some talk show. She went out with some girlfriends and was hit by a drunk driver. She was trapped in a burning car, but lived. She had been a beautiful girl and they had barely started on reconstructing her face and hands after years of surgeries. No hair, very little hearing. Her father devoted his life to her care with tough love. He allowed her 5 minutes a day to cry. It sounds horrible, but my main thought was my dear God, if she can do that and live with that with only 5 minitrs a day of tears and feeling sorry for herself. Who the hell am I to bitch?

It gave me alot of perspective.

And a new rule...5 minutes, no more.

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