I've been in a really (REALLY) bad place emotionally for a while now. Hit a really low low rocky bottom today and started thinking Bad Thoughts. Then I did a few searches and did you know, in Switzerland, if you meet certain criteria (unbearable, incurable pain being one) you can sign up for dignitas, be a member and tell then you want to die and you can get help with it. It's a little more complicated, I'm simplifying the steps. Death comes in the form of a little dissolvable pill that they put in water, you drink it and go to sleep. Then poof! No more pain. No more being a burden to my family, no more worrying about everything and whether everyone is just going to up and disappear because they don't want to deal with me anymore, no more stress. I'm considering moving to Switzerland.
I'm so sorry your feeling like this 🙁 I do actually think that the right to die is a good thing (if done properly....) But please you are worth more than that I know the pain is unbearable but you are NOT a burden your illness is a burden on you but your not a burden, I know your family might not be supportive neither are mine but we can chat and support each other now 💕
Believe it or not, I've actually BEEN worse.. There was a time I was actually suicidal and not just a thinker. I'm OK. I just am having a rocky day. Between the anger and crying jags (I'm premenopausal on top of everything plus Major depressive disorder). I'm feeling a little less fragile, and I love you guys for your support and empathy. Thank you
Hey . 🤗🤗 I also understand how you are feeling and reaching out to us is a great step that means you want help through this 🤗🤗 we are all here for you. STAY STRONG. Pm anytime . ((Gentle hugs sending preyers your way))
I've looked into that as well, though the worst of my many conditions is terminal. I battled with depression bad when I was younger, and have had many many good adult years where I've been very happy despite my health issues. Lately the pain has been steadily increasing to the point where no matter how much I try and stay positive, I can feel the depression creeping back in. Chronic pain is no joke. It can wear a person down and break their spirit in two. Please think not only about yourself, but of those people who would be crushed if you left this earth. Think about how they would feel knowing you chose to not be here anymore. I hope things get better for you both mentally and physically. Can you talk to your doctors about how bad your pain is? Maybe there's something that can be done to help ease the pain enough to let you focus on your mental health?
No money for new doctors. Waiting for SSDI. Three year back log in Virginia. Just maintaining the pain with a pain management doc as cheaply as I can until finances come through. Until then, it's tie a knot and hang on tight. Sometimes that rope gets a little slippery is all.
See my post on your previous note on " how long till I give up"? Never give up. Believe me I've tried that been there etc not a pretty place to be. Try to focus on others and do something positive in your life. For yourself or someone else. Focusing on someone else and on the things in life you are grateful for no matter how small they seem. God bless and keep up the good fight!👍
I don't know about you, but thinking of others got me depressed... Does anyone know what happened to Overcomer? He openly spoke of his pain and he was actively hurting himself...he disappeared...anyone know why?
MizzMonroe had gone silent too..maybe just on other topics...but she was feeling no one really listened...seems we're all becoming hyper-aware...of how fragile we are and how little we're still clinging on the positive side...
"We live for the fight when the fight is all we got..livin' on a prayer...take my hand, we'll make it I swear" Bon Jovi
Wow, I'm glad I don't live in Switzerland. 🤤 sorry this horrific pain make you feel like you want to end your life. I don't know if you believe in GOD but I pray all day everyday day. Pain can really suck the life out of you! Especially when you have pain everyday. I try to look at others and their strength. My friend has cancer and she has to do radiation treatments every week, she been through several surgies, hair loss, and her pain is at times unbearable. However, she try to stay uplifted. I asked, "How do you deal with"? She said, "I'm not ready to die". She said she still has a lot of living to do and she isn't done yet. She is very inspirational and when times get rough, I think of her.....
@MochaBarbee, she sounds a lot like my mother whom battled lung and brain cancer (briefly as it was fast growing etc) all they could do for her was to shrink the brain tumors so she could get her "affairs in order" but while she was facing death, some women would come in and just be so scared and she would wheel herself over to them and smile and tell them it seems scary but it'll be ok...and whisper something to them and the ladies would nod and smile at her..they thanked her for being so kind and caring about them..some women would say to us (when mom when in for her treatment) what an inspirational, strong woman! You know she's going to beat this thing and so can I! I often wonder what she told them...
@PhoenixRising Your story is all too familiar. I can't imagine what your pain is like and how difficult it is. What I can say is I've been at that point where I also thought about giving up. Doctors don't listen, it feels like noone cares, and that we are a burden to the ones that love and like us. Here's the thing though, your friends are still your friends because they care. They just don't know what to say sometimes because they wish they could help but don't know how. It is sometimes difficult to watch the other person feel the emotional toll even though they may not be in pain. As for your family, I don't know your relationship with them but what I can say is my partner has been nothing but supportive and though he can't take the pain away, if I communicate how I feel he is there emotionally. If I need to cry or express the darkest parts of my pain he is the shoulder to cry on and the rock which keeps me grounded. Without him I don't know if I'd be here. I can empathize with your situation because some of us may not admit it but we've been there.
It's really difficult to try and cope with pain. To not focus on it and by golly it's challenging not to let it consume us and talk about it all the time. What I found works is finding passion in something and being transparent about the pain but not constantly talking about it (because that's what I used to do). I try to focus on the things in grateful for: my family (and daughter) who are understanding of my limitations. I have supportive friends at work who do everything to make me comfortable and help me when they can. I've asked people, "do I talk about my pain too much. Do I look like I'm in pain, and communicate how my mental state is). Then I ask for help, emotional support. Especially when I break down and fall apart because I've been "toughing it out". The pain doesn't get better but the way I cope with it changes. It hasn't been easy but I can say that despite the intensity of the pain I am happy. The pain is still there but I focus on my family and friends, doing housework when I feel healthy enough, and do not exceed my limitations. Pacing activity does help a little. Like cleaning for 10 minutes in one room then resting for 5 min, then go back to 10 min of cleaning. I split the housework into 7 days so I'm not crippling myself the night and/or following day.
I'd like to extend an invitation to talk about how you're feeling and vent about the pain. For me, when I have someone like that it makes life a little easier.
Because this is a public forum I don't want to post my phone number here but I'd like you to send me an email at firstname.lastname@example.org. Please, before you consider to follow through with your plan let me help you. I've been in a similar state and it took a long time to change. Maybe I can help you get through this. All I want to do is have you vent, express your anger and frustration, sadness, hopelessness, etc. I'm more than happy to help if only to cry or talk about what your going through.
Again, my email is email@example.com Please email me and I will give you my cell number/iMessage ID. I also can use WhatsApp and Viber for iPhone.
Whatever I can do to help you, I will do my best.
I hope to hear from you. Let's get through this together.
My prayers go to you. I think most of us here have been down the same thought waves. I had to put my son in care...hardest choice of my life and my family was always to busy to help or just show any care. So I felt I must be useless but depending on how severe or functional we are the is hope.
Oh my gosh, I can relate yes I feel like a burden big time and it's hard to live with pain day in and day out. Day after day even with good meds I'm so limited it hurts especially when you don't have a support system. The eye rolls, deep sighs, let a tear drop everyone disapears. Yes, I can see that happening