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Sex and fibro

Mar 28, 2016 5:06 AM

Anyone else find sex really painful? I was told so many times that im a-sexual because getting turned on takes forever, and penetration hurts, touch hurts. I feel like a mutant.

Mar 28, 2016 9:34 AM

You are not a mutant, trust me! So many people experience this, so you are not alone. I have a very high sex drive, but I rarely have sex because when I do, my muscles start to spasm within minutes and my skin becomes so tender. I suggest you talk to your doctor about this.

Also, about being Asexual. If you don't really get turned on very easily, that is more than okay, too. Sex is not a necessary part of life, or part of relationships. If you feel that you have little interest in sex, don't push your body just because you feel like you should be having sex. But if you are interested in having sex, speak with your doctor and maybe you can find new meds that may help!

Mar 28, 2016 9:54 AM

I understand the asexual feeling I said that exact thing 10 years ago. Reality is....How can you get turned on in pain...you cant. Then on the off chance I am able to I can't enjoy it. Antiseizure medication and such keep you from a heightened experience as after much reading I found the "big O" is similar to seizure like activity so the meds are interfering. The problem is in the group of meds which most of us have to take.

It is most important to keep the communication open with your partner. I know my husband felt rejected. I finally started the discussions, it is not lack of want it is unable to. Periodically I can, he knows I don't "enjoy it" but I do enjoy making him happy and the closeness.

Mar 28, 2016 2:54 PM

Well I have found the sex is different. I've been blessed to have e a very kind and patient boyfriend. Together we looked into different ways of being intimate and I've found that sex can be pleasurable if it's done in a gentle way. Much like other things in our lives we have to adjust and haveing the proper support is key.

Mar 28, 2016 3:51 PM

I have felt asexual for about 5 years. It doesn't occur to me. I'm glad because of the length of time (close to an hour) it took to get any satisfaction from it, for decades.

Mar 28, 2016 5:28 PM

From one who is truly on the asexual spectrum (I'm a demisexual), being asexual means one experiences zero sexual attraction. To anyone. Ever. :) can still have sex, can still enjoy pleasure, though some are sex repulsed and just won't ever for any reason, period, and the list goes on. But yeah, I get what the op and the repliers are saying. I too have more times than not where I just can't be arsed for anything sex. Too much body pain from RA, too exhausted, it's hard to find a mood for it (especially me being on the ace spectrum) when you just feel like a steamroller hit you 800 times then parked on top of you. :( chronic pain really sucks the good out of life more often than not, it seems.

Mar 28, 2016 9:10 PM

I want to be sexual, my wife just isn't patient and I get blamed, saying im rejecting her, or im asexual, or we are sexually incompatible, and now the latest... She has intimacy issues. :/ I feel like a troll.

Mar 28, 2016 9:26 PM

Aww..that is so sad, Venusdreams. I am sure that you are not a troll. Usually by the time I hit the bed I have been exhausted for hours and that does not make for good sex. It is not on my radar when I hurt so bad which affects my man 's self esteem cuz I totally ignore him. He most likely feels just like you do. For me it is one more thing I have to feel guilty about. But I do understand what you mean.

Mar 28, 2016 9:49 PM

While it is possible you are asexual, sex related pelvic pain is extremely common. Depending on what kind of pain and your sex, you should tell your doctor(s)... Specialists that can help can be gynos, urologists, proctologists, pain specialists, psychiatrists.

It could be a side effect from certain meds, it could mean trying wellbutrin or another drug that has the possibility of reducing inorgasmia (as a medical problem) and low labido. The first thing you should do is identify how long the problem, make a few notes about when and how it's a problem for you, and talk to your gp.

Mar 28, 2016 9:52 PM

For female people there are several conditions that can cause this, one of which is endometriosis which is a common co-morbidity. Depending on your symptoms - especially if sex and penetration are painful- then examination pain is as well- this could be key to helping relieve this if you find it is a problem and not an orientation issue. Make sure if you do see a doc or specialist that you get them to send you copies of tests, and you get a copy of your medical records so you can show your partner if theyre the disbelieving sort.

Mar 29, 2016 2:00 AM

I have a lot of pain during intercourse but the moments of pleasure outweigh the pain. And the intimacy with my husband is definetly desired. The positive outweighs the negative for me.

Mar 30, 2016 4:42 AM

My wife and I have been very sexual for our entire 33 year marriage. But lately with the pain of my fibro and arthritus in my back, when we have sex it is still enjoyable for both but the pain the next day from the effort is terrible.
My back, hips and legs kill me the next day and make me unable to work that day or function for much of anything.
The pain even comes around from my back into my groin area and down my leg.
Any other males having this problem.

Mar 30, 2016 11:46 AM

I was "fortunate" to find I enjoy some light BDSM, and then found an amazing partner who can use my fibro as a sex toy, since certain types of pain in certain situations feels good. Of course of late, we've both been feeling our age instead of our oats, between our back pain and meds, but we both enjoy just cuddling.
Outside of BDSM 'scenes', he and I are equal and equally in love. So fortunate to have a man like him.

And yes, Wellbutrin helps quite a bit with libido and depression both! Not as much for pain as others, but it also has fewer negative side effects.
Definitely let your doctor know. This is as much a quality of life issue as any other pain you have!

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