Learn from patients with pain similar to yours

CatchMyPain Community and Pain Diary App to manage chronic illness

Sex and fibromyalgia

Jul 14, 2015 4:46 PM

Is there anything anyone can recommend to up the sex drive during a flare up?

Jul 14, 2015 5:03 PM

I wish there was good news I could give you in that regard. Perhaps positions that don't put too much strain on your body. You may just have to wait out the flare itself. It's not an easy thing. I don't think I've had sex in 15 years. It's just too painful, if not during then definitely after and the next day. I wish I could offer better words. I hope there are others who can. All the best to you.

Jul 14, 2015 5:14 PM

How about a toy boy ? ,iam think about trading my old one , 😀

Jul 14, 2015 5:23 PM

Sweetie pie I am sorry like Alwayz says I haven't had sex in a long time I think maybe 2 times this year. I was in pain during and after. To me it's not worth it. My husband on the other hand would disagree with that lol.

Jul 14, 2015 9:43 PM

I feel that sex is a very important part of intimacy. I am not willing to give it up. I also feel like a bad girlfriend and scared he might go get it somewhere else. We've been together five years and this is the longest dry spell ever.

Jul 14, 2015 9:55 PM

I have regular sex. Probably at least once a week at the bare minimum if I'm flaring, up to 6 to 8 times if not flaring. This is in a long term relationship with no children though. In addition to fibromyalgia I also have chronic pelvic pain from endometriosis and interstitial cystitis. Before my current relationship which has been a happy 3 years now, I was married and in a committed relationship for 10 years that was the opposite, almost no sex and VERY PAINFUL sex.
Position, stretching, foreplay, and breaking the painful sex cycle are all important. If sex always hurts, you will avoid it. Make sure you are ready and happy/comfortable with having sex. If this means using lube, toys, pillows to position, etc... do it! I had a pelvic specializing physical therapist who actually worked with and in my vagina so there are special stretches and positions if you are having pelvic pain complications with sex. Look them up, or look into physical therapy. It is worth it. Awkward at first, but it fixed a crucial part of my quality of life. Hope this made sense. In short, yes, there is hope. The more you practice, the better you feel having sex with fibromyalgia. The better the sex, the better the endorphins!

Jul 14, 2015 10:23 PM

Wow. Thank you Wynnbliss. I'll look into it

Jul 15, 2015 12:53 AM

Being married 40 plus yrs. mr pain has been with us 30 plus years, so we have learned new positions that allow me to relax and all that Wynnbliss had to say. Sex is important in any marriage, keeps mates frustrations down. Just ask my hubby the other day ...hey let's get busy, however just Dx with severe heart disease so he said that he was fearful.... My response was ....what a way to go...lol.
I am still here LOL

Jul 15, 2015 8:28 AM

Blessedby4 brings up a great point I forgot to mention; your mate does not like seeing you in pain and wants to be intimate while not harming you (in most cases, my ex was not like this. It became truly brutal. That's why he's gone.) If your mate is fearful of harming you during sex they may also need reassuring. I know I reassure my current boyfriend a lot, especially if I'm flaring. He watches and cares for me closely so he will stop all activity if he notices I make a sharp painful intake of breath or a grimace. Sometimes it's a bit annoying, but it means he cares so much that I just love it. ;)

Jul 17, 2015 9:48 AM

My biggest problem is having pain for several days after. I always tell myself it's worth it, but I find myself and my wife avoiding it because of that. I agree with the positioning, but I feel my pain comes from the tightening up and clenching of my muscles during. Soaking in a bath afterwards can help.

Jul 17, 2015 10:12 AM

Faerygrl you may want to look up and into the pelvic pain physical therapy stretches I mentioned earlier. You could do them in the bath. I used to find that was a really good place to do my stretching. Then you would get both the benefits of the hot soak and the physical therapy pelvic floor muscle stretches. I similarly have some tenderness and tension after and have to put everything right again, I think of it like an after workout cool down stretching session.

Jul 18, 2015 10:55 PM

I finally felt like having sex today only to be hit with a giant spasm in my leg. Now we are back to him being scared to touch me. 😖

Jul 19, 2015 10:23 AM

Try taking a muscle relaxer 20-30 minutes ahead.

Oct 31, 2015 5:14 PM

I totally agree with Wynbliss36. I have now been married for 27 years. My husband would cope with anything but not no sex. We feel it's important and my endorphins do help he's very attentive and always changes position to suit me. If I have bad times dressing up can help and just foreplay to show him I care. He does a lot to help me on daily basis so I'm on pain anyway why not give him pleasure at the same time. I do falk sleep for hours after but then I can stay in bed for weekend recouping. Don't give up on physical love x

Oct 31, 2015 8:33 PM

I tried with my husband but I couldn't finish I got lock up in a spasm my husband said I'm not trying to hurt you so we going to quit LOL

Nov 01, 2015 1:45 PM

That is terrible! There are positioning Cubs, wedges ect. Sad to say sex store or online is cheaper than the local cvs or walgreens. Play a game to relax and get fear out of the room and try to reconnect.

Nov 01, 2015 1:45 PM

Cubes not Cubs 😜

Nov 01, 2015 2:16 PM

My wife started off with Fibromyalgia, and she couldn't have sex. We just became best friends. I don't think many people can do that. I think it also helped that I had chronic pain and understood it and I had low testosterone levels. But we are better friends than when when we first were married. Don't get me wrong. I really miss having intimacy and sex. But my wife has a lot of trigger ponts that hurt and she just jerked when I tried to touch her in places that were unavoidable like your back and arms. So no more. Best wishes

Nov 01, 2015 4:00 PM

Profiler, that's exactly what happened with me & fibro, not to mention the pelvic surgeries that have really doubled or tripled the pain. My hubby and I are best friends and likely mentally closer than ever before. We've entered a new realm of our relationship. We do miss it but the pain isn't worth it. He said he doesn't want me crying in pain. Wishing all the best to everyone. 🙏🌼

Nov 01, 2015 4:14 PM

It is funny flappy that you say mentally closer. My wife and I find it funny and disturbing that many times we are thinking the same exact thing and the same feelings on it at the same time. It is like we are in sync with each other. Yet there are many parts of my diseases she doesn't understand, she does have deep empathy for me and takes care of me when she can and I do things for her when I can.

Nov 01, 2015 4:33 PM

Truly in a good marriage it isn't just about sex.

Ready to start relieving your pain?

Join Community