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Dec 23, 2016 11:10 PM

So another random topic. Sorry guys..but I was wondering how ma y of you share? And to what extent so you share?
Example should you share your plate food with some random person off the street.
Or what about wit a family member over a holiday meal?
What are the rules for sharing financial items . On a friend BASIC.. like your out with your friends and no one in the car has cash but you.abd one the friend mention slightly that they need some small item but dang she has no money. Now me I don't get money regularly it was a gift so I would to hold it for while. once we got home and all, I left my purse in the car.when the one fried found out on had my purse she gets an attitude over the fact that I had money but said nothing.
Personally I actually forgot I had it once which is why I left in the back if my sister car once we got back.
So so feel obligated to speak up and purchase or just give deienswor family money or even support just on the basis they are friend?
Hope this makes since.

Dec 23, 2016 11:39 PM

It's your money hun. A gift to you. I imagine it's money you already have spent in your mind.. You are under no obligation to give away money that was given to you as a gift hun.

Imagine if you have given money to someone as a gift then find out they have that away. Wouldn't you feel that your gift wasn't appreciated? Don't let anyone guilt you into doing something you don't want to do. What right did they have to even search your purse?

There comes a time when you have to do whats best for you hun and let go of things that will only bring you down. You are under no obligation to pay for other people.

Its kinda strange you posted this. I have an aquantance who was trying to get my phone number. Luckily my friend wouldn't give it away. She then messaged me through FB to let me know her yearly trip was going to be canceled because she didn't have enough money. She was hunting that I pitch in to help. Ummm.. No. I haven't responded yet but I can't fathom sending money for her to take a vacation when I am struggling month to month.

So I understand the struggle of others trying to guilt you into giving away your money.

Dec 24, 2016 9:08 AM

I learned early on not to share or lend the hard way. Growing up I was lower middle class, but my parents acted as if we were dirt poor. So the school supplies you had at the beginning of the year had better last to the end. Kindergarten they are all about sharing and being nice, I'd share my glue, crayons and such only to have them not be returned to me and then is get in trouble for losing my stuff because it was 'too expensive' to replace so I'd have to ask around to borrow for the rest if the year and no one wanted to share with me but they all had my stuff because they never gave it back. I'd lend out the odd eraser or pencil throughout elementary/primary school and 9/10 times i had to get the teacher involved to get it back. People are horrible.
We also had this thing at home where once the food was gone too bad. i had to guard my food against the bottomless pit that my brother was growing up or id go hungry. I can do trades on food. A couple seagulls cornered me and stole my sandwich at the park and i had to wait for supper for food because the damn birds won and traumatized me for life. (Seagulls stealing food +headless chickens chasing me +attacked by geese and turkeys and a swan all before 6 years old)
I will also do the odd you get this time and I'll get next time if i know the person will pay and not scam me. After a couple 'oh i forgot my money' on their turn to pay outings requiring money are done because it'll continue forever. Or if it's a movie or something I'll say meet you inside so they can't pull the no money thing.
In my family growing up money was more important than us kids. So when we did things that our parents didn't like (i existed which was a problem) we could lessen the impact by buying things for our parents or giving them money from our birthday funds.
I have no friends so I've never been in the situation where we are out and someone has no money but wants something, but unless the person was known for paying back within a week is probably say that it was dad that the have to make another trip because the forgot money. Everyone has debit and credit cards so the really is no excuse, unless you are in a cash only venue and short a buck or 2 but even those usually have machines nearby to get money from.
The girl i work with is nice like you and will help her friends out. She feels guilty of she doesn't help. She finally had to put her foot down and say no after the friend who 'borrowed' 5 grand for a boob job (never payed her back) asked for more money a few years later so she could go to Hawaii. She was so stressed about saying no to this girl that she had a breakdown about it.
I look at supporting family and friends as enabling their poor spending habits. Sure if someone is really struggling I might bring lunch over or something so that they eat but I'm not paying for shit. My mom after the divorce was saying she was so poor she couldn't afford food or clothes and that her 2 jobs was barely making rent for her crappy apartment in the bad part of town, only to find out she had almost $200 000 in the bank from the sale of the acerage and she was going on all sorts of adventure trips with her friends on the weekends and buying stupid expensive shoes every few weeks.
This behavior has ruined me. I'm now suspicious of everyone. I don't want people looking at my things or being in my space, so sharing my stuff isn't going to happen. The boyfriend is talking about lending the camping trailer to his friends, i told him if he lends it out he has to buy me a new one (no one is scent free).
Your are under no obligation to support anyone but yourself. I find that if you support someone once they expect you to help them again, even if you can't.

Dec 24, 2016 10:17 AM

Gotobef you and everyone are so right. And I'm learning and beginning to be comfortable with saying and meaning no...it is hard when you want to give and when the person asking is good at manipulation and guilt. But like you said. They take and take. But when it comes to there responsibility and time to pay a bill or something the act as if I'm the problem. Especially now that I pray my disability is about to go through. I'm gonna have to buckle down and focus on getting myself into a more stable financial position. Thanks for the support

Dec 29, 2016 3:33 PM

Newfibrogirl, I use to give and give in way of sharing any and everything. But years of experience have shown me that there will always be those waiting on the side to take advantage of those who are giving. Another thing I've learned is that when others know of incoming funds, it's surprising how many "needs" they develop. I'm not trying to be pessimistic, only bluntly honest. It's like learning about all your long-lost relatives if you win the lottery versus seeing how fast they disappear when you are in need. I do help others when I can, if I know it's a true need. But I would not help if it meant doing without myself. And, as Mimikay said, the money you have was a gift for you to do something for yourself, not for someone else. Don't let anyone guilt trip you into spending our lending to them.

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