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Shehaze67, this is for you.

Apr 04, 2016 5:22 PM

I want to take a moment to say something. First let me apologize for not giving you a warm welcome when you first posted. Welcome to our community family. I saw your responses to Helps's posts in my thread "a little too close to home." Hooray to Help, who finally was able to get you to open up some!

Your many posts in various threads of "I'm going to (or please help me) commit suicide" (including the multiple private messages you sent to me) completely shook me in a very upsetting way. I honestly didn't know what to say to you. And even though I and others were asking you to open up and let us know what you were going through, how we could help you, you continued just the same short "...commit suicide," and I began to get angry. I wasn't trusting my own self to respond to you nicely.

Someone very close to me, for many years, always wanted to run away or attempt/threaten suicide, anytime they didn't want to face things or they had been caught decieving others. It was their way of getting all eyes on them, to feel sorry for them, as if no one else has problems. And you weren't opening up an introductory thread about yourself, or even responding to other's responses to your suicide posts. I think it upset others here as well, and that's why so few responded to you. Because you weren't responding, because of what I'd been through, it made me think you were only trying to get attention, like the person from my past. I apologize for misjudging you.

I really did want to help you when I reached out to you the first time. But because after even others reached out and you continued to not open up, it seemed you didn't really want or need support. So I quit trying. I am here in this community for you and anyone else needing support. But I don't like to feel like someone is playing mind games with me. And that comes from my past experiences I spoke of above.

I and many others here have been where you are. I know what it's like to be abused, to hurt so badly that death seems to be the only way to keep it all from happening. But when someone reached out to help me I grabbed onto their hand and went forward, finding ways to rid myself of the negative, demeaning thoughts in my head. I learned coping skills to get through it all (nearly 30 yr ago). Then my life seemed nearly perfect, or at least without a lot of drama. That was until I began getting sick with major illnesses in 2007-2008.

When I joined this community I was sitting at home alone on a daily basis, lonely, hurting, feeling misunderstood or not believed, and once again wondering if death would be a better answer. Meeting others here that truly know, understand, and live in chronic pain daily, showed me I'm not alone, I'm not crazy, and the pain is real. It showed me I don't have to live in depressed lonliness. I've met wonderful, supportive people here. I've learned new ideas and methods for coping with daily pain. Instead of sitting in a chair all day feeling sorry for myself because my family wasn't understanding, I now try to do activities throughout the day. I've learned to pace myself and take breaks to rest between activities. I've learned of new treatments, and I'm even in psych counseling myself now. Many people like us, who live with chronic pain are going to feel depression and/or anxiety, but we shouldn't ignore it. It won't go away on its own; medical intervention is required.

I think the fact that you have continued to comment "commit suicide" but haven't acted on it says you really want help to cope. This community can help you to some extent. But you need to open up to your doctor and let them know how you are feeling, get them involved in helping you cope. Depression, which is at the root of suicidal thoughts, could be a result of what you're trying to deal with alone, or it could be caused by medication side effects or something else medically. A doctor can help you determine that. Chronic pain is not going to go away. Chances are it will worsen. But if, and only if, we are willing to work through and learn coping skills, and work at having a support team of doctors (primary, pain specialist, Ortho, Neuro, etc), then we will learn to accept our individual new normal daily life. And we can begin to enjoy small bits and pieces of life, instead of feeling like a failure because we can't handle the whole shebang at one time.

I have grandchildren too. Over a year ago I could barely handle getting them a few hours at a time. And my maximum limit is 48 hours. They're ages 10 and up now, and not nearly as dependent on my care as they were before. My youngest finds ways to modify playing games, to keep me sitting comfortably, to help me remember (memory loss), and other supportive ways. You don't have to give up living and enjoying your grandchildren. Let them sit on your bed to play cards or color. And when you're tired tell them you need a nap, but you'll play later. It's not the amount of time you give, but that you give them time with you that matters. How you cope in front of them may teach them how to cope later in their lives.

Now, let me warmly welcome you to our community, again! You don't have to feel so alone. Someone is always online most of the time. But we are not qualified to help you with suicidal feelings. A doctor is required for that. We are however able to be here, to let you cry about what's bothering you, about how bad you are hurting, how mad you are at so & so, to share a joy or blessing, or ask for prayer, or whatever you need to say. To voice that you are having suicidal thoughts and you are struggling to cope through it, that you need our support and prayers, that's OK... We can do that and be here for you. But to post asking us to help you die... That's not something we will help you with. We all hurt but refuse to let our pain control our lives. I for one want to see my grandchildren grow up.

You mentioned in the other post, when you responded to Help, that you believe in religion. I'm the daughter of a minister, born & raised Baptist to the bone. I mean no offense to any religious affiliation here! Years ago I began to think of "religion" as in "what religion are you?" (Baptist, Methodist, Catholic, Presbyterian, Atheist, Agnostic, Scientology, Mormon, Muslim, etc etc etc). I also began answering that exact question whenever anyone asked me, "I am a Christian." I have a very strong faith in God (& God alone = Father, Son, Holy Ghost), and that is my strongest coping method for getting through my chronic pain days & depression. I respect everyone's personal beliefs. Because of how I was raised and my own strong faith, I pray for others. If someone here mentioned a concern or need, I pray for that for them. It just simply comes natural to me to do so. I will be praying for you: that you will reach out for medical help with the depression, suicidal thoughts, & chronic pain; that you will reach out here for support to cope; and for your living situation & personal needs. I'm sure that if you start identifying your pain causes, threshold, and coping mechanisms, that in a few months you'll not only be a very active member of the community, you'll likely see your life differently. We don't have to like what we have to deal with. We just have to accept it is what it is, then ask ourselves "What can I do to enjoy my life as much as possible?". Hugs & prayers you truly want to learn to cope better. You have a large support system if you do. πŸ™‚πŸ’•πŸ™πŸŒΌ

PS: try to think of one thing you have to be grateful for every day, no matter how small. And try to make it different every day. Keep a journal of these, as well as of your pain, pain triggers, & pain relievers.

Apr 04, 2016 7:00 PM

Flappylady, you expressed yourself beautifully and with honesty. I reached out , with my number, I have hope she will text when you can muster the strength to have the love , hope, and support We all are offering.

Apr 04, 2016 9:52 PM

Flappy, Terri, Shehaze, I believe I was one of the first to respond to the "comment" with th.e National Suicide Prevention Number... Flappy you put so accurately many of my thoughts. I did not want to give an audience to a child or adult playing, or someone who would "trigger" someone else. There are professionals here who are mandated reporters where does that leave them. I provide a number and other suggestions for help. But thank you Flappy for taking the lead. And going the extra mile. My internet has been down and up and off and on so I do not know what has transpired since I was last on and responded with Shehaze. Shehaze I hope you reread Flappy's post because it's full wisdom and her hurt as well as ours! Blessings!

Apr 04, 2016 10:34 PM

While I am not as eloquent as flappy by any means I wanted to say suicide is a very serious topic that should never been thrown around lightly.

As the survivor of a husband who shot himself in the head in front of me I just wanted to comment from the other side.

From the survivor side suicide is the most selfish thing a person can do. While one thinks no one cares you leave behind grieving confused mothers, fathers, children, wives, husbands, grandparents, friends and so many more. Those people who would have done anything had you just said the word...help, I feel suicidial, I can't go on...something, anything... Sometimes people think i will show them i will kill myself but it is not showing anyone anything.

I hope anyone saying suicide would never joke (i have been suicidial myself) it is not funny or amusing. So if you seriously feel that way you need to respond with something more constructive. Ask and you shall receive....

Apr 05, 2016 5:29 AM

Shammagren, I'm so sorry for the trauma you must have gone through. And you are right about it hurting so many. My cousin committed suicide when I was much younger. He gave no visible warnings or threats, no "I want to die" or even depression signs. My cousin just did it and left his whole family, friends, coworkers, & neighbors devastated. So did my hubby's cousin. My neighbor did the exact same thing last year. It's been very hard for his wife & family to pick up the pieces and move on. It hasn't been easy on my hubby who was a very close friend. And like MySistersKeeper said, after last year I find it very hard to talk with anyone who isn't serious about getting help. Like you, the suicides in my life have left deep scars. Thank you for sharing.

And thank you Terri & MySistersKeeper. May you all be blessed with a good day today! Hugs, love, & prayers for better days! πŸ™‚πŸ’•πŸ™πŸŒΌ

Apr 05, 2016 6:26 AM

I am so sorru for being such a bother to everyone and i am truely grateful for all that you and the qhole cpmmunity has done for me i tried going through the steps on this page but when it got to the introduce ypurself it wouldnt let me do it

Apr 05, 2016 6:30 AM

My name is michelle hays i am 48 years old i have 3 boys and 4 grandkids and i love puzzle games like word search and crosssword puzzles i like reading stephen king books and being with family and camping and hiking and canoeing and kayaking even though i pay for it later

Apr 05, 2016 6:31 AM

I am a professional and I did report it to authorities and to the owners of Catchmypain app. I gave send you the email communication I had with Daniel.

Apr 05, 2016 6:32 AM

Welcome.e home Shehaze67, I adore camping as well . and of course the GRANDBABY!!!! How are you feeling this morning?/

Apr 05, 2016 6:37 AM

Worse than yesterday but i dont want to be a bother to everybody and did the people you talked to did they say are they calling the police

Apr 05, 2016 6:40 AM

Sweetie, please realize how very precious you are, we were very concerned and felt so powerless to help you. I don't know if the police were called or not, but if they or anyone showed up to help you , I praise our Father in Heaven. You are so very loved and I am happy to have you as my new friend.love Terri

Apr 05, 2016 1:30 PM

Shehaze67, opening a post to tell everyone about how bad your day was, or what the doctor said, or the sleepless night you had, or how you tried to get help from family, or the canoe trip/camping trip you went on and are hurting from; these are how all of us use the community chat: give or ask for support, vent/complain, worried about, prayer/positive thoughts request, etc. And some have voiced feeling depressed or suicidal, asking for help & support. Your comments were upsetting because you posted all over the place in other conversations. No one really knew what to think. That's one reason I opened this thread; for you to state what you feel, need, are upset, angry or happy about. Don't ever think that voicing negative thoughts are a bother. We all need to vent or cry now and then. Accept help & support, both here & from a doctor. There is no shame in needing it, because depression isn't something we can pick & choose. We are all vulnerable to it with our chronic health issues.

I'm glad you told us about yourself, your family and hobbies. Reading use to be a hobby of mine, but I don't read much anymore because if my eyes don't jump all over the page my brain isn't focused. Either way it's not enjoyable getting lost trying to read. Lol. I like Sudoku & Bejeweled & Scrabble games, and I love board games with the grandkids. Camping was attempted at a much younger age, and I did not enjoy it. (*spiders!) We use to hike but I'm not able to anymore, and if getting into a bathtub is impossible I won't even imagine trying to get in & out of a canoe; not with arthritis. They'd be calling for rescue! Lol πŸ˜‰. My activities aren't what they use to be, not even close. But I enjoy what I can when I can. And I rest when I can't. I still crossed stitch when my fingers and hands allow, in short periods though. It's good to know you have enjoyable hobbies & activities.

Besides depression, what health issues are you trying to cope with? By sharing, others may have suggestions you haven't tried. I learned about using chilled rice packs, instead of ice, from Weezie. She sees washcloths together, files with rice, closes the stitching up, and freezes. I just poured rice in a tube sock, knotted the end & freeze. It fits wonderful as a neck roll. I learned to slow down and pace my activities with breaks from another. And there are so many who have made suggestions that I've used, and I'm not struggling so hard to get from one day to the next. Not everything works for everyone, but you don't know unless you try. Tell us what's the cause of your chronic pain. Then let's see if others have suggestions to help.

Shehaze67, please don't stress about the police. If they were notified, they'll only come to try and help you. Be honest about feeling suicidal. Being in the psych hospital isn't the end of the world. Instead it's the beginning of a new life, one where you learn to take care of yourself, where you learn it's ok to say no to others, where you learn to take control of your life/destiny, and where you learn to be happy again. I know this because I spent nearly 12 weeks in one many years ago. I wasn't able to take care of myself or my children, but when I came home I was. But I started in counseling for several years. It's ok to say you needed help with depression & anxiety. Accept professionally trained help from doctors & their staff. You'll really be glad you did, and so will those grandbabies. Hugs & prayers! πŸ™‚πŸ’•πŸ™πŸŒΌ

Apr 05, 2016 5:50 PM

🌸🌸🌸 Greetings Shehaze67🌸🌸🌸
I send you lots of ❀️ & β˜€οΈ from the other side of the world! 🌏
Very gently I would like to recommend you take responsibility for your safety as this forum can only support you from afar.πŸ’
When you post suicidal intentions forum members have done what is responsible to keep you safe by offering the phone details for urgent assistance from the suicide hotline and after not being able to ensure your safety the police may have been contacted 🏩
You appear hurt by this response... but please know we want you to be safe🌻 🌻🌻
I would love to hear more about you and your canoe trips too! 🚣🏞
Please continue to share your journey and you will be supported πŸ“
You are an special & unique person, wishing you all the best.🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺

❀️❀️❀️get well soon❀️❀️❀️

Apr 05, 2016 8:38 PM

ChchKiwi, it's nice to meet you! Thanks for your support to. Hugs & prayers your day is going well! πŸ™‚πŸ’•πŸ™πŸŒΌ

Apr 17, 2016 1:00 AM

SheHaze67 I love camping too! Yes I pay for it later but I do enjoy camping under a million stars in the fresh air. I take a nice firm mattress for my tent and sleep just as crappily as I do at home haha I take a bunch of pain killers to get me through. Actually it's car travel that knocks me around the most. I live in the Kimberley Australia which has the highest suicide rate in Australia. I'm a youth counsellor. I go see a psychologist for me to cope with pain, injury, PTSD. I never thought I would feel suicidal but I did earlier in the year. Gave myself a fright because I don't want to die. It turned out a medication called valproate for migraines changed my mood in 5 weeks! So anyhoo if the police knock on your door say hello. You are worth doing whatever it takes to feel relief πŸ‘ I've only been on this forum 1 day and I'm learning loads from reading other comments, things to try. What a great find I wish I'd discovered this place last year.

Apr 17, 2016 9:24 AM

My uncle took his own life he had been depressed for many years after having a stroke at 50 that stopped him from using his right side. He had to be resuscitated after his stroke so may have got brain damage. Also a stupid physiotherapist said he would never get the use of his right arm from then on he just gave up, even though he was trying to do things. He was a specialist engineer for lifts and escalators, he worked on the QE2 and tower bridge, he was captain of his darts team and was looking after his mum. I was in Australia when I found out what he had done and that it was my mum his sister who found him. I had only been in oz for a month but I flew home. Mum suffered a major depression she could not do anything so dad and I used to do the housework, cleaning, shopping even though we were both working. Mum finally got better. I myself have had passing thoughts especially when the pain is so bad.

Apr 18, 2016 7:37 AM

Welcome dipbop and thank you. This community is full of so much knowledge. I hope things you try are beneficial. I had an episode of med induced suicidal changes too, and it is scary. I'm in counseling too, even with the med change. It does make a difference.

Wellstuffit69, I'm sorry to hear about your Uncle. Suicide is never easy on the family. My family has suffered through the pain & depression too, and we lost a neighbor last year. The good thing about this community is we can share our feelings without shame, fear, or embarrassment. Most people don't realize how common depression is, but our community does.

Hugs & prayers you both have a very good day today! πŸ™‚πŸ’•πŸ™πŸŒΌ

Apr 19, 2016 4:56 PM

Sometimes it is not as easy as telling a professional you are feeling suicidal. Many professionals hold degrees and still aren't equipped to deal with this. I stopped going to Cognitve Behavioral therapy after 2 years of giving it all I had because I stil felt so despaired about my health, and it was absolutely not something I could "mind" over matter. I didnt want to wind up in a psych ward--I've heard therapists say it's a bad scene and last resort, and really only appropriate for someone in imminent danger, which of course none of us can or should be trying to assess. I wind up keeping those feelings to myself for just this reason, or telling a very close trusted friend who is able to hear me...which is really what I need in those moments. That therapist said he wouldn't "co-sign" that kind of thinking. I can assure you that was not the support I needed. A person doesn't need to be on the ledge to feel suicidal. Of course no one should mess around "just for attention" or to piss people off. But I think this topic is still taboo and needs to lose its stigma by being allowed into the light of day. I understand how people are triggered; a family friend took his life for chronic unexplained pain, one of my very best friends took his life--planned it out and did it the way he wanted, because he was eventually going to become very ill and did not want to. He called me to say goodbye the day he did. One of his other friends was so angry she stopped talking to him. She felt he was not in enough pain to warrant it and possibly a cure would be found. That was her choice and she might have been right, but he was terribly sad about it. I am not saying anyone should speak carelessly or provocatively but this is a real issue that I would like to see allowed into the light of day without having to gloss over it until the person suffering is heard and met where they are truly struggling. I'm not saying indulge, but just be there. I have not seen all of the posts so I don't have the same charge that many here seem to. But I feel bad that SheHaze is now worried about expressing herself. We are a happy face culture and there are moments where I certainly can't pull that off. I get that we need to be responsible, but I think there is a space between "think positive" and "call 9-1-1". Otherwise, at least in my case, I wind up feeling more alienated. I don't need to be in a psych ward, have had plenty of therapy and still could not be real with my own therapist. I don't want my despair "co-signed". What I need most in those moments is human connection. Then I have a far greater chance of finding my way back to something that feels authentically hopeful or "positive". Sometimes we're too tired to whitewash or say things politically correctly. There will always be people who speak thoughtlessly, create alarm, or trigger people unnecessarily. But if it was less taboo to speak of maybe fewer would be inclined to act on it. I do sincerely apologize if I've further triggered anyone by saying this.

Apr 19, 2016 5:12 PM

In respect to psych wards-- I don't mean to say they aren't an option and sometimes a good one, as someone mentioned. I meant a (5150?) --when someone is held against their own desire.

Apr 19, 2016 8:11 PM

MarseMouse no one is stopping SheHaze from expressing her feelings in fact many people have tried to encourage her to speak and she hasn't apart from 'I'm going to kill myself' there is only so many times u can offer someone help and get the same answer 'I'm going to kill myself' with no other details before u start to question it!! I have watched the posts on this site and many many people have tried to help and she hasn't took it by speaking to them. I just don't believe it's genuine! From someone who has felt suicidal and attempted it everyone is different and handles things differently but I have watched this for a while now and I don't believe it. I haven't stopped her from expressing her feelings - she never has done and that's why people are feeling messed around!

Apr 19, 2016 8:25 PM

I can see where reading that alone several times would leave people upset. It doesn't leave much in the way of receiving help. I don't know that I make the jump to not believing her, but I respect that you and others do.

Apr 19, 2016 8:28 PM

The main thing is we all want to help if it's true but she needs to talk for that to happen.

Apr 19, 2016 8:37 PM

Maybe I should have kept out of this one--as I said I didn't read the previous comments and I'm not having a great day myself. But in this thread she did talk a little about herself and then say she was afraid to say more because someone did call the police. I don't know if that's going to help her talk more but I understand why it happened.

Apr 19, 2016 8:49 PM

U can't come on a forum like this and say ur going to kill itself and not expect people to take action. It is because everyone here is caring that they would call the police etc because they don't want someone to take their life, they want to help. Anyway I have said enough about it myself.

Apr 19, 2016 8:52 PM

Look I reached out to her, to Daniel the owner of the site to notify the authorities in her area, I have prayed and can not do another thing. I am not insensitive. LMB,Alwayz,Flappylady, and many more people have responded to Shehaze67. If she continues to post , flag it.. And pray
Most suicidal ideation are just that thoughts, if a person has decided to commit this most self centered act they do it. No one is even aware they were that deep in hopelessness and desperate. I think the topic is a very important one, it needs to be talked about, and we as a group may need to come up with possible solutions when we have someone that comes on and immediately starts texting about how they want to kill themselves. How do We need to respond as a group? To ensure that everyone Feels like we have done enough or when we feel like we are being manipulated. This topic is distressing and frightening, however; I am sure that our community , this forum, and others can help without alll the stress and anxiety and panic. We just have to come together and bring about a way we can deal with it. Just my thoughts, only, agree or disagree. I really have to focus on my own mental and physical health matters as well. Love and Blessings, Terri

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