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Should I feel guilty when someone calls when I am in too much pain to talk?

Aug 01, 2016 8:20 PM

I just received some very nasty calls from a dear friend simply because I was in too much pain to talk. Am I wrong? Now I was finally asleep and she is using all sorts of crazy guilt trips against me and tellig me that I should go to the ER where they will just say go home and rest. She was yelling he was yelling and I just want some peace to feel better in my own bed. I am 43 and married,I think that I am in good hands. I am just blown away by the selfishness of both my friend and husband, you're advice is welcome, PLEASE !

Aug 01, 2016 8:30 PM

I didn't even read the whole post. And I can already say NO.. you have the right to not entertain. Now I find it funny I'm saying this. Because I tend to feel the same way most all the time. I feel the need to appease rather then care for me. Now I'll go back and read your content..ha...

Aug 01, 2016 8:35 PM

Ok..so...i first I'm sorry you had to endure that. Your husband should be your number one fan. She should be protecting you from people like your so called friend. And of your friend was such she would understand. In fact she would not call she would come to your house and help tend to your needs. Sorry if I'm harsh but I hate you have this added stress. For right now if possible was just hide away and rest up. Get and or stay calm and later when things are cooler try and have a conversation with both of them.

Aug 01, 2016 8:58 PM

Newfibrogirl, thank you. I don't think that you were harsh at all. She is never wrong. As we all or many of us have experienced the condescending tone of ER docs when you say that you are in pain. I know that they won't do one thing but say rest. And she was even nastier when I told her that . Now I am so upset that I hope that i can fall asleep. I currently have a $16500 bill for the hospital I can't pay, why add to it?

Aug 01, 2016 9:01 PM

I agree. People who don't deal with daily pain just csnt get the concept of.." if u hurt take a pill or get a shot and feel better" the don't understand that no matter how many pills u take or how many shots u get your pain will only be bearable. Until they have walked in our shoes they won't her it.

Aug 01, 2016 11:00 PM

A true friend never uses guilt to spend time talking. It seems she needs a life and not yours. You have no responsibility to her, just yourself and family. But, that husband should have answered the phone if you were asleep or removed the phone out of your hearing. That was his responsibility. Oops, now that was mean, but spouses can get lazy.

Aug 02, 2016 1:23 AM

I didn't even read the whole post either. No, please do not feel guilty! It's exhausting. It's ok to screen!

Aug 02, 2016 2:54 AM

I lost all my friends except one! It breaks my heart that the people i really thought were keepers... turned out to run for the hills the fastest!

U sure find out who ur friends are when we have a chronic illness! Ur friend had no right to upset u like that, she showed he true colours...im so sorry... i felt so let down.

On a good note... my one forever friend pictured above... i met her 40 yrs ago, when we started infants school and shared a coat peg together when we were 4... Catherine & I will always be there for eachother even tho i only see her twice a year!

Aug 02, 2016 8:04 AM

I agree zetarlov.

Aug 02, 2016 8:23 AM

Thank you,everyone. Now, today the weather is so bad and she triggered my PTSD so much that every minute I did sleep I had awful recurring nightmares about how my mom physically and emotionally abused me. Now I am in more pain and more exhausted then ever. My husband was wrong but this is a woman who is so self-righteous that it's annoying. My husband apologized and said that he was wrong. Ugh, I don't wish my pain on anyone, her answer to me often is my RSD wouldn't bother her she has such a high tolerance for pain. REALLY? I doubt that.

Aug 02, 2016 9:22 AM

LeeLee, I too am so sorry you had to endure the selfish behavior from someone who flames to be a friend. It's my hope that she will rethink her behavior and apologize for her acts. I have lost a lot of friends and it hurts, but I'm finding that putting myself in front of that is most important for my health right now. Like others have said, you really do find out who your friends are.
At my house, I let the answering machine get the calls when I'm not up to talking, which is on most days now. Don't allow anyone to cause you more heartache than what you already deal with, with your illness and PTSD. You take care of yourself and your needs for now. This group is an extension of your family right now, that truly does understand where you're coming from. We've been there too, sweets. Love and prayers to you, hun. 💕☝🙏

Aug 02, 2016 9:39 AM

Of course you have the right to say no! But it is hard :( we just travelled to see my in laws and it was just the hardest trip ever for me! I had so much difficulty functioning and I was so angry because it was HARD and I wanted a break!! After a few days I found ways for some breaks and I was less angry but it still wasn't enough. And the family complained that they didn't see me enough. But I did the best I could. I explained my pain and my husband tried to as well. They of course didn't get it. But we have to care for ourselves. It sucks that we waste enter your feeling guilty about that. Just do what you can and that's all we can do. I'm trying to start meditating to help me let things like that go. I don't have enough energy to waste on guilt! None of us do!

Aug 03, 2016 9:26 AM

Thanks for everything folks. I had another sleepless night due to night terrors from PTSD. She is now being very aggressive and is asking for a specific time to call like I know when my pain is going to be coming. I am just shocked that she is suddenly so selfish. Ridiculous.

Aug 03, 2016 8:45 PM

So, she called me tonight and made up a whole bunch of stuff. Telling me that I told her my husband enables me to take too many meds and it was out of fear and concern. I do not know if this relationship will last. Said she was yelling at me because I told her that I have a hearing problem. Doubt it. And discussed how she can't make me feel a certain way (i.e. trigger my PTSD). BS! She did and then compared mine to hers. Thank you all, and you are right I may need to let tis one go.

Aug 03, 2016 10:49 PM

Yeah definitely time to let this one go, obviously only cares about herself..

Aug 04, 2016 3:00 AM

Let her go sweetie... u dont need negativity in ur life. U have some awesome friends right here 😙

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