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Sleepy & Stressed but trying to be happy & positive

Jan 31, 2017 11:34 AM

I haven't slept well at all since I can't remember when. It seems my restlessness and wakefulness are increasing. Night before last I didn't sleep due to pain in my hips, legs & elbow. Last night was another rough one with even less sleep, even after a melatonin, muscle relaxer & anti anxiety med!

Our daughter came home yesterday and announced she was promoted to an accident adjustor. Yippee, hooray, so happy for her! Then she stated the job is halfway across the US...What?! She's always wanted to leave GA and now is her chance. We told her we are happy for her and want her to take this opportunity, not to feel obligated to stay here because of my health. She leaves in less than a month for 6 weeks training. Then she'll be in Dallas for her job by April.

I'm really happy for her but wasn't to cry for me. I'll miss her terribly. This is the child who never left home to live alone, she's always lived with someone (us since October). She's so far in debt she barely has room to breathe. How's she going to afford a place of her own? How's she going to afford furnishings, rent, good? Her car is still parked in our driveway because she can't even afford to tow it to repair shop. Our loaned car is old... Will it get her there safely? How's she going to get this dog out there by hi herself; he rides with his head out the window? When will she have time to find a place to live? Ugh...Omg... My tummy is in knots! I'm happy for her but worried 😬

Jan 31, 2017 11:49 AM

I'm sorry you are not sleeping.
Will the company be helping your daughter relocate? If so that'll help a lot.
I'm sure it will all work out for your daughter.
And i know it's not the same but Skype or facetime will help when it comes to being so far away.
Try not to stress about the logistics of your daughters move, you'll only cause yourself more harm.
Hugs

Jan 31, 2017 3:18 PM

Gotobef, I'm not sure if the company will help or not. They are flying her to TX & VA for 6 weeks training and putting her in a hotel that time period, at their expense. It would be something she'll regret if she didn't go. She was offered a position last year when she was living with her boyfriend. Because he wouldn't move she turned it down. I told her to go before she gets tired down with a guy or married and has kids. We told her we regretted never moving to experience other places because of being afraid or family would need us. I come from a long line of deep-rooted family responsibilities. I don't want my health to hold either of my kids back. If something happens to my spouse my kids can move me where they are (or close to them). Did that make sense?

I guess my biggest worry is this is the daughter who has now been heart broken & jilted 3x, been in 4 auto accidents (totaling 3 cars & rolling 1), and gets lost but can't tell you where she is. I'm horrified of her getting lost as big as Dallas is! We live in the Macon-Warner Robins area (hick towns compared to Dallas) lol. Not even Atlanta compares to Dallas. We literally have interstate 75 & a partial bypass here. You can be across town in 20-30 minutes flat. If she had friends who could help her navigate there I wouldn't be so worried. If there's an emergency we'll be 12.5 hours away, and we don't have enough income to fly, nor can I help drive. My limit is 20-30 minutes before my tremors start. Ugh! I know I'm letting my anxiety run rampant today, but there's so many questions and concerns she can't answer with solutions. I guess once pieces start falling in place it will be less stressful.

I'm truly ignorant of all these new chat things, and any new computer stuff. Have no idea how to use them, and I don't know if she does. I've heard of Skype but not Face Time. What are they; computer, phone or tablet apps?

Thanks for your support & hugs! Much appreciated πŸ™‚πŸ’•πŸ™πŸŒΈ

Jan 31, 2017 3:19 PM

Btw, I had an appt today and mentioned my Fitbit tracking my sleep. The doc said I'm not getting adequate sleep with all the restless & waking episodes. He told me to talk with my PCP, but I don't see him until March.

Jan 31, 2017 3:28 PM

Not sleeping is the worst! So sorry for you ;(

As for your daughter, I'm sure she's super smart and will make good choices! Life is about taking chances and more often than not, everything's gonna work out in the end! Don't know if this helps but as a young adult, I can only imagine living alone and far away from my parents but it also give this thrill, adrenaline. It helps to push through obstacles and to make my own mark in this world as an individual.

You'll FaceTime! And if things are too hectic with her, you could ask that she just leaves the facetime on for like an hour when she's doing chores, putting on some makeup etc. I know it sounds really stupid but trust me, you don't always need to talk with someone who's far away but their presence is the thing that counts, to see her doing the exact same things she had before she moved.

And as for the money issues, like gotobef said, the company might help and the experience will most likely outweight the bad stuff, money troubles etc. so living paycheck to paycheck for a while won't be such a big thing.

Sorry for bad English

Warm and sleepy hugs

Jan 31, 2017 3:41 PM

Thanks HeyItIsMe! It kinda feels like her first day at school, lol. I was a stay at home mom, so that was hard for me. I didn't go to work until she was 12... My baby! Lol I can't help but laugh right now. Maybe it's because I'm so tired. My oldest would never survive so far away, but yeah my baby girl will. She's 29! Lol πŸ™‚πŸ’•πŸ™πŸŒΈ

Jan 31, 2017 3:49 PM

My mom is exactly the same lol! And I haven't even moved out from the family home!πŸ˜‚ She'll be just fine! And so living will you!!

Jan 31, 2017 3:54 PM

Facetime is an apple phone thing. Skype is a microsoft video chat product that can be used on any platform.
Smart phones can be used as a navigation tool now. If i have to go somewhere new or somewhere in unsure about i put it into maps in my phone and have it tell me how to get there, turn by turn like a gps navigation system. I have a cheap little gps thing as well and you can save a home address in it and it can tell you how to get home at the touch of a button. No more getting lost.
I'm sure she'll make new friends in Dallas.
As for you being too far away in an emergency to help... you have to trust that she can take care of herself and hopefully won't be in any emergencies. I think that might be some of your deep-rooted family responsibilities, this feeling that you have to be near just incase.
As for the totalling of cars... does she need to drive? Can she take the bus to and from work and to get groceries? The bus is cheaper than a car. Not convenient like a car, but way cheaper and the responsibility is to get on the bus and get off at your stop.
It'll work out. If work wants her to have that job they'll help her get settled. She might have to get a small apartment off the start, she might not be able to take her dog right away. I dont know the rules there, but here for most apartments and condos the max size of a pet is 20 pounds, if a pet is allowed at all.
I suggest you both get a video chat app now and stay playing with it so you both know how to use it before she moves.

Jan 31, 2017 5:01 PM

Gotobef, FaceTime is out because we both have Android phones. I'll talk to her about Skype. And you may have a point of my anxiety of being so far away (being near enough to help) being connected to my family responsibilities; I hadn't thought of it. Thanks! As for the bus, she may have to because her car isn't fixed yet and we don't know if our old car will last too much longer. I'm making my hubby service it and make sure everything is in good condition. A bus would be safer for sure. Lol

Her dog weighed 78 at his last visit and he's still growing. She said if she'd known she'd be going at the time she got him, she'd not have taken him. She doesn't want to even think of rehoming him, even though he dad suggested it. So we'll keep him for the training period and maybe a little longer until she can make arrangements. I just have a hard time because he's so big and still doesn't mind, tried to jump on me yesterday. Her training classes & at home time is not working. He sees me as the alpha and her as hits playmate. When she's home he's rambunctious, but not when she's gone. The good thing is, his bark is so ferocious everyone backs away from him... He's a big baby! Lol well except for the one dog that he clashes with at every training class. They just don't like each other. Thanks for your suggestions and the food for thought. πŸ™‚πŸ’•πŸ™πŸŒΈ

Feb 01, 2017 4:34 AM

Flappys I'd be the same as you, I'd be thrilled that they've got the opportunity and would push them to take it but I'd be so anxious for them....what if this happens, what if that happens, will they be able to budget for all their bills and food etc....
My son is 14yr but my 10yr daughter has more common sense than him, he lives I'm his own little world most of the time as well. He's very smart and has been predicted high grades for his exams and stuff but he just doesn't think things thro and sees everything in black and white! I'm already worried about how he's going to get on when/if he leaves home but my daughter won't have much trouble apart from budgeting.....she's a bit like me that way so I'm trying to teach both of us to budget (I've just had to get a newer car which is on finance so I have to tighten the purse strings more!).

Skype is a great idea and so is WhatsApp, there's also a couple of more out there and most of them are free to make video calls and you can get them for your phone, tablet and computer/laptop and you can use any of them so if you're out you can use your phone (even tho the video calls themselves are free they use your data quite quickly) or if your at home and want a bigger picture than you get on your phone you can use your tablet or computer/laptop as long as they have front facing cameras and mics.
Do as gotobef said and download them now so you both can learn how to use them together. They are a great way of staying in touch with each other so rather than just talking on the phone you can actually see each other as well.

Things normally work out better than you think it will, the anxiety normally gives you the strength and willpower to do what needs to be done so for the moment try to do things you can like downloading the video call apps and help with packing some bits up with her so that you're reassured she's packing what she needs and spending time with her before she goes.

It'll work out but in the meantime I'm sending you positive vibes and warm loving hugs to help you thro xx

Feb 01, 2017 9:57 AM

Thank you Sezzy! My hubby said this morning that they talked after I went to bed (8:30 pm & still awful broken sleep night). He said she's worried and scared too, doubting her decision but determined to go. She's worried about me, telling her dad I was staggering yesterday (I didn't even notice it). She's worried about getting a place she can afford, being able to have her dog, finances, etc. I'm just praying everything falls into place for her. In the meantime I'd love even 5 hours of uninterrupted & restful sleep! I'm really dragging today and I have to drive to an appt later. Ugh!

Feb 01, 2017 10:35 PM

How very courageous of your daughter to go for her dream! My grandma used to say "Don't borrow trouble, we've got enough of our own." When we were overly worried about something. I still hear her saying that when I start to stress out. I find making a list of what needs to be done, what my budgets are and so on really helps me to plan and relax.

And, yes, sleep helps so much, too!

Feb 02, 2017 5:27 AM

Oh Flappys I wish I could help you with the sleep but I'm in a similar boat....last night I had 3 hours of very broken sleep and the night before I think it was 2 hours of the same. 20 minutes here, 10 minutes there and nope no sleep over that way!!!!

You were probably staggering because of the lack of sleep, lack of sleep tends to make my vertigo worse so I'm not so steady on my feet then add the pain in my lower back, hips and knees, never mind the fact I've NEVER been able to walk in a straight line and you have a great combination for walking round like I'm drunk!!!!
Then add the lack of sleep to you worrying about your daughter and her moving away on her own for the first time, I must of been a shock for you as well. It's going to take time for you all to adjust to this.....it's a huge step out of all your comfort zones but it's a great opportunity for her and her time to cut out her own path.

It's only natural for her to have all these concerns and to be worried but tell her not to doubt her decision as this is the next path in her life and if she gets there and isn't keen on the job or the area she can always ask to comr back or find a new job closer to you.

Life is too short for doubts and regrets, you've gotta chase your dreams and be happy. If she backs out now she'll always regret not going and will always say what if.

Tell her that you have your hubby and your other daughter with you so she doesn't need to worry soo much (altho she still will, she loves you and will worry about you no matter what you say to her or whether she's home living with you or in a completely different state).

Feb 02, 2017 3:07 PM

Hi flappsy, wow I feel your pain all of it!
Ditto to the sleeplessness and daughter moving away.
My 15 yr old is leaving this Sunday to live with her Dad across the other side of Australia in a small town called Karratha.
This has come about because of her constantly running away from home, stealing my jewellery, money and my meds. Using the money and jewellery to buy drugs and mixing them with my meds.
She failed her second year at high school last year because of all this and blames me.
Your daughter will be ok as I'm sure mine will be but it's extremely tough to have them leave. My heart is shattered from the way mine has treated me but this is the best thing.
Much love and prayers fot you
🌼😊🌼

Feb 02, 2017 3:11 PM

PS, she has an iPhone and I have an android when i call her there is a video button that comes up. I will just press that and we can talk via video. Or there's the Facebook messenger app that allows you to call free as well.
Hope that helps a bit.πŸ€—πŸŒΌπŸ€—

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