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So I need support asap

Oct 01, 2016 5:24 PM

So the people I usually go to are not interested anymore. But I need help
First I find out my boyfriend his having a baby and I'm not pregnant. We've dates for 7 yrs. Been hell and high water and now this. So that is actually enough to have deal with two days after a chemo treatment.
Well then my mom decide she has to get in on it and being to yell at me to was a damn dish even though the kitchen is still sorry from lunch. So when I start to clean the kitchen she comes in starts a bunch a mess over me Washing dishes. She yells at me about talking on the phone and then to top it off says if I do t stop being disrespectful I'm never gonna get better. So I i tell her that her attitude is not helping anything. She sis the same to my dad saying he was never gonna get better if he did stop doing what she didn't like. My mom is full of hell and told so. Of course she does not know about the boyfriend thing. And I'm not gonna tell her.
I told her that if she don't get it together thst I'm gonna stop waking up . I'm sick of walking on egg shells with her. I've been in the dark place for way to long.
I don't know how to feel bout the boyfriend issue. I can't decide to be mad or to just let it go. I've not lived near him for two years. We talk almost daily but it's still not the same as being in the same town. Please help help me process.........😔😩😑😐😮

Oct 01, 2016 6:34 PM

You deserve so much better than him!!! He has no respect for you. As much as you may feel towards him.....He has cheated, he's having a baby with someone else!!!!!!!! Please please please, you deserve to be respected by someone, Someone who has mutual respect not someone who thinks it's ok to have a relationship with someone else because he doesn't live near you!! 😊

Oct 01, 2016 6:51 PM

If you were to choose to stay with your boyfriend you need to consider that this child and it's mother will always be a part of the relationship. :(

Am so sorry you are going through so much hun. Do you have a room or a place you can go to get away from your mom? It sounds like a really toxic environment for you right now. For short term.of you don't have a place (even if it's just your room) to go to distress - please find a place. You need to be able to just soak in some quiet. How could you possibly process the boyfriend issue when you have so much being thrown at you.

I wish I had some magic words I could say to make it all better. I don't. But please know I truly do care.

Oct 01, 2016 6:57 PM

Thanks..i don't have an outside place to go. Shelters here are for batter woman only. Not for adults with medical issues who have an over bearing parent. Yes I do have have my room but she comes in and out at her will. Most times I just pray she keep walking and doesn't bother me. I promise the minute I gety disability I'm gone ..
As for boyfriend... I know I should leave him but until now he's been the one thing I've been good on to to keep sane. So now I'm just stuck with lots of anger and confusion. Everytime I think of him I just go numb. I literally don't know what to feel.

Oct 01, 2016 6:59 PM

(((( gentle hugs )))) I hope your disability comes through soon. No one should have to live around so much negativity. You are in my prayers.. For both situations.

Oct 01, 2016 7:18 PM

I am sending u positive loving care, & praying your disability comes thru soon.❤️

Oct 01, 2016 7:24 PM

Your mom isn't over bearing, you are downplaying the situation. She is verbally and emotionally abusive. Just because she hasn't bruised you doesn't mean it isn't abuse. Physical wounds heal faster than the emotional ones. Please try again for the shelter. You can't stay at home.
As for the boyfriend... he isn't boyfriend material. Kick his ass to the curb, cheating never ok. If you feel that he is your best emotional support that you can try to remain friends but I think that is just going to hurt you more in the long run. You deserve so much better.
Hugs 💝

Oct 01, 2016 7:46 PM

Gotobef, I try very hard to not see my mom like this. My sister and I've had conversations about mom before. She has moved out and I've asked if I can stay with her and it really only last a few days because mom invades her house and my sister kicks us both out. I've always been the obedient child and now thst I'm in so much pain. I'm talking back or speaking up for myself.
Yes. As for the ex boyfriend. And it hurts to even type that. I suppose I our time is over. We've been through this before. It just feels so isolating and painful. I do love him spent the last 7 years of my life with him. And when u live every day not knowing if it's your last it's hard to end something that has been keeping u motivated. Even if it was false.

Oct 01, 2016 8:07 PM

I understand that you don't want to see your mom as abusive and put that label on her, but until disability comes through that is going to be the only way you get out. You need to protect yourself. Please protect yourself.
7 years is a long time. I'm sorry that it feels isolating and painful. It's going to hurt for a long while but you are better off without than with someone who doesn't respect you at all. Words are empty, actions mean everything.
It sounds like you are being emotionally abused on all sides and for a very long time.
We can be your motivation, if you will let us. We love you and won't cheat on you and we won't yell at you out of selfishness.
I'm very worried about you and would like you to check in with us at least once a day for the next while. Please.
Big hugs! 💕

Oct 01, 2016 8:18 PM

P!nk has some songs that are very helpful when down and others that are just fun. Maybe her music can help you find your center while you are battling through hell.
Hugs 💞

Oct 01, 2016 8:20 PM

Thinking of you during this time! Your ex boyfriend does not deserve you. It makes me sad that he's been your only support. Lean on us! We will help you.

I agree about your mom. She sounds like she is abusive - both verbally and emotionally. That takes a toll on you. :( I'm not sure where you are located. Here in Canada there are mental health workers you can be referred to by your doctor to talk to. Do they have anything there?

Please lean on us though!

Oct 01, 2016 8:23 PM

Thanks I will keep in touch as best I can.. I don't want being everyone down. I've been dealing with so much unnecessary mess and not knowing how to get myself out.
Thanks for the link it's appricated.

Oct 01, 2016 8:28 PM

Cdngirl..yes..i have to admit I had planned to ask my Dr this past week for a referral but I chickened out. I'm not sure if I coukd just call back and ask him to refer me. I might try it and see. I know u guys are here but I still know that all of u have your own daily stuff to deal with. I've never been this dependant on anyone or anything. I'm very much in unfamiliar territory.

Oct 01, 2016 8:33 PM

Aw hunny you won't bring us down. Worrying if you are ok might bring us down so please please check in.
Bottling it all up is super unhealthy.
We are here for you!
I like the song I sent the link for. The other one I recommend watching is Raise your Glass.
You got this.
Hugs

Oct 01, 2016 8:41 PM

It will be worth it to call and ask for a referral. Maybe whoever you get into see can help you find somewhere to stay for a while. I think a doctor saying your current living conditions are abusive and you need safe housing would probably help you get in faster.
I recommend watching some tv, eating something hugely unhealthy and having a good cry.

Oct 01, 2016 8:49 PM

I'm so sorry this is happening, this boyfriend doesn't sound like a very good person. This thing with your mother sounds horrible. I know its easier to say than do but try to ignore her and not let her get to you.. were here for 24/7

Oct 01, 2016 10:04 PM

I just do t see the point of all this pain. I know they say everything happens for a reason and in some way I believe it. But trying to make sense of all thsts happening plus being on chemo and pain. It just maksw me wonder what I did to deserve this .

Oct 01, 2016 10:05 PM

I hope to be able to get some sleep tonight. Trying to calm my mind and ease my heart. That's the worse part. My heart hurts so badly.

Oct 01, 2016 11:11 PM

You didn't do anything to deserve it. You have been delt a really shitty hand and have to somehow work through it.
There is no point to all the pain. Life sucks. And right now it's really really hard for you. But you will get through this and it will get better.
If you need it to mean something we can call it character building. That's what the guys i work with call it every time management shits on me. They say it's making me stronger, i don't see it but maybe when it's all over i will be stronger. You are strong. You can't see it because you are in the middle of it all right now but you are strong.
If you start thinking about the bad things tonight remind yourself that we are here for you and that you are strong and that you will get through. You are fucking perfect and don't forget it!
Hugs. Goodnight

Oct 02, 2016 11:00 AM

New, I don't want you to feel like I'm saying this out of meanness, cause I'm not. I'm saying this from the bottom of my heart. You did NOTHING to deserve it. NOBODY deserves emotional or verbal abuse. Please don't be afraid to ask your doctor for a referral. You are going through hell right now and we do understand it. If you need to, lean on me. I was verbally and emotionally abused as a small child by my dad so I really do have an idea of what you are going through. Hugs. I'm here if you need me.

Oct 02, 2016 11:03 AM

Sent you a message New, praying for you hunni and I'm here for you anytime you need me.😘🌹

Oct 02, 2016 11:47 AM

How are you doing today newfibrogirl?

Oct 02, 2016 11:49 AM

I'm kind of low. Trying to just stay quite and out the way.. thinking of how I can make a move out of here without doing to much damage.

Oct 02, 2016 11:54 AM

Have you had a chance to watch the videos in my post and look up the ones that don't have links? It'll be a distraction.
And don't worry about damaging your mom. She is already damaged. Just take care of yourself however you need to do that

Oct 02, 2016 12:01 PM

Yes..i did look at the videos. They did help a bit.

Oct 02, 2016 12:21 PM

I have been watching some of them on repeat.
I hope your day gets better as it goes on.
Hugs

Oct 02, 2016 1:24 PM

Hey new, sigh!!! first off a big gentle hug.

I've been reading your family's struggles and the impact on you since I joined. I too had to move in with my mom waiting for disability, that was hard just for my self-esteem but this is beyond normal ... You deserve support and kindnesses each and everyday. You can't feel better with this constant stress ...
I agree with gotobef ... You don't deserve any of this. Please if you can find a safe place do ... and please keep.sharing .. I want to know how you are doing, always.

And the boyfriend to the curb!!! You are awesome, kind, thoughtful, empathetic and that just what I get from reading your posts!
🌻

Oct 02, 2016 2:32 PM

Yes, I think you should call back in. They may send the referral in from that or they may have you come back in. I think that would be a great next step. Don't worry about being a burden to us. Personally, I've been having a great few days. Ever since the experimental casting my small fiber neuropathy is under control. I can handle it right now. Dump on me!!!! I promise!!!!!

Oct 02, 2016 2:41 PM

Thanks cdngirl I'm glad you have found some relief. You deserve it. Enjoy it and I appreciate the kind words.

Oct 02, 2016 6:37 PM

Praying for you. Those whom we love sometimes treat us worse than an ememy will. I totally feel your pain because my mother in law and husband says the same thing to me. But you know what, we are stronger than them! They woyldnt even be able to handle what we go through!!! And they claim to be religious but they speak bad things on me i guess they feel that if they do that i will be controlled by them but thats a lie I WILL NOT BE CONTROLLED BY THEM and they will eat thier words. Sometimes i dont even feel that im an adult in my own house! Craziness.

Oct 02, 2016 7:03 PM

Appulovhyzeye I know exactly how u feel. Mom speaks all GODLY as if I don't know the word myself. It hurts so bad to hear what my mom says to me but I'm more concerned about her soul.

Oct 02, 2016 7:24 PM

New.. I wonder what you need to qualify for section 8 housing.

Oct 02, 2016 7:27 PM

I've been thinking of the same thing. I'm on Foodstamp and I'm hoping to have my disability soon. I'm sure.once I get disability I can have more forward movement. Shelters have said I'd have to be declared in danger by a phycologists to go to a shelter but then there is my medical issues to concider.

Oct 02, 2016 8:20 PM

Not wanting to wake up is a suicidal thought which puts you in immediate danger. You should qualify for housing.
Hugs

Oct 02, 2016 8:24 PM

Newfibro - you should check with housing to see if there is a waiting list. Since you are on food stamps do you have a case worker? Make an appointment with them or ask to be assigned to one - then go talk to them. Explain the verbal abuse you are living with - including the lack of privacy even in your own room - and see if they have any suggestions for you. Maybe there are programs available there that we aren't familiar with.

Oct 02, 2016 8:43 PM

Oh hun I was also with a guy who cheated on me I left him then found out he was with 7 other women in a 5 years. It took me 3 yrs to find a great man. You are to precious of a person to deAL with that hold on tight and if he has no respect for you then he don't need to be in your life

Oct 02, 2016 9:11 PM

First thing tomorrow I will start making calls to see what my options are. I also wonder if calling my disability lawyer would help me get things done

Oct 02, 2016 10:59 PM

Yes it would help I'm on disability and spoke with them all the time see what you can do for moving forward to bad you don't live in colorado I could show you everything. Well doll if you need any more help reply k

Oct 03, 2016 2:49 AM

Amen Mimikay. You nailed it first paragraph! I will add could you have this child in your home w/ resentment if you choose to stay w/ your boyfriend? Think of the child and yourself too!

And others are so right. You deserve to be treated like a queen. Once a cheater always a cheater(in my eyes Ik others who disagree).

Amen again Mimikay on toxic home environment. Wow your mom needs to be sat down (are you over 18?) and explained that you don't process negativity well and your mind, body and soul work better with positive and uplifting words. I agree w/ Mimikay go to a positive room or even get a hotel room for a night and clear the negativity out of your life.

Kick baby daddy to the curb! Your a queen & deserve to be treated as such!

Oct 03, 2016 6:57 AM

Mzlady bug yes I'm over 18 which makes this thing with mom so embarrassing. But as long as I live with her its hard to put my foot to far down.

Oct 03, 2016 7:57 AM

New - I can understand that. I moved back home almost 7 years ago to be my mom's care taker. When I did we set some ground rules. One is no one comes in my room. That's my space and it's important to me that it remains so. The other is we sat down and determined what chores I could do to help take the burden off my parents - but with the understanding that on the days I am not doing well those things aren't done unless dad is able to pick up the slack. Its worked out great. I never thought I would end up being here this long but as my mom continues to get worse I imagine I will be here for the duration. Its why I have found parks close by I can go to just sit and soak in the quiet of nature. It helps keep me sane. :)

Oct 03, 2016 11:00 AM

So now the calls have begun guys. I've been dating him for seven years. It's hard to just. It off ties. But he has started calling from unfamiliar numbers still trying to keep an open door asking me what I wanted to know . Of course he sounds remorseful.

Oct 03, 2016 12:11 PM

Oh that sucks. He should have thought about you and how you would feel before he stuck his dick elsewhere. Don't fall for his traps. Stay strong. You can do this.
Hugs

Oct 05, 2016 8:54 AM

It is so hard to step back and redefine boundaries in order to care for you. I know having the online group helps with the isolation many of us find ourselves in. Some join a Water Arobics class or even silver sneakers. (some insurance will.pay for this. It started as a group for senior citizens but I found many who are younger but have limitations also join). You can also see if there are any support groups in your area. Or see if there's anything going on at the library or even adult education you might want to try. Every once in a while our library offers a free classes on doing genealogy research. One day I may try it. I have found that just getting out and doing something helps and also opens the door for new friendships to grow.

As for boyfriend. No one can tell you what to do. I know from experience though that a cheater normally doesn't change. They figure we will always take them back because they believe that no one else would replace them in your life. Thinking that you can't live without them. They are wrong though. They don't understand love and unfortunately you become a doormat instead of a partner. No one should have that kind of power over someone. Especially someone they claim to live. (((((hugs))))
You deserve better. I had a husband who cheated a few times. Had a child he didn't acknowledge - actually got a woman from our church pregnant when her husband was stationed away for 6 months. I stayed with him another 5 years until his boss caught him with his bosses wife. The hardest thing to do is to walk away from "what could have been." to face the unknown. Yet - as I drove away from him I could feel the stress rolling off my shoulders.

Thinking of you sweetie

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