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So Much Pain

Jun 07, 2015 11:06 PM

I really didn't think that think that think things could get much worse then they were. This tapeworm problem has been hard to prove. When you go to doctors, they feel for one second and they don't even try to feel because they don't even think it is possible fot you to have one. But I have felt the body of the tapeworm. I have felt the tape. It is really long. I think I have had it for quite a while.

The pain use to be confined to my arms. They said that the cyst usually don't hurt much. I found them to hurt when they pop. They would burn for a little while. But the doctors don't believe me. But now I have the perfect place to show them. I have like 15 spots where the cyst have happened so many times that they have calcified. That is what they said would happen. All I know is that they are very hard when I feel them, not like the other ones. And they are more painful than the others.

I can handle that pain. It hurts a lot. When it happens. I would say it is about a 7 to an 8 on the pain scale. I was dealing with it. But I don't think I can deal with it anymore. The cyst with the intense pain have also gone to my legs. There is at least 8 or 9 of them. There are probably at least a 100 cyst on my legs my only that many hurt but it only takes me that many to limit my ability to walk. I now can only take baby steps or not walk at all. The only time I walk is to get my own food and use the bathroom. My wife tries to help me by getting me something to eat and my medicine but I won't tell her when I am hungry or due for medicine because I don't want my family to think I am lazy. My mother was very lazy. She pretended to have cancer so that I would take care of her and would wait on her hand and footand make and bring her food and drinks. She told me her feet hurt so bad so ofter that I would massage them and do reflexology on them for an hour on a regular basis. I forgave her for it before she died even though she blamed me for her actions. But I am so worried about being like that. So I refuse to let my kids and wife to do things like that for me until I absolutely need it. I know I am overreacting. But I am so worried about doing that to my family and them resenting me the way i did her.

So together with the arms and legs, my pain is fluxuates between an 8 and a 9. I never thought I would experience that level of pain in my lifetime on a regular basis.I don't think that I want to live like this. Don't worry, no immediate plans to do anything. But I cannot do this much longer. than a year. It is too much. They have to listen soon. i am going to make an appointment tommorow for John Hopkins. Something has to be done and very soon. Right now, the tapeworm is going very tight around my neck. I hope that it loosens up. It does that a lot. It terrifies me. It scares me that they are going to strangle me. It is all out of my control and i cannot get any help.

Jun 08, 2015 12:26 AM

I'm so sorry!
It is compostelana understandable that you don't want to burden your family, but it sounds like now would be a good time to ask for help.
Do you think your doc will finally listen to you?
Is there a test for it?
I can only imagine what you're going through.
I hope you'll be taken seriously at your next appointment!

Jun 08, 2015 8:20 AM

Profile, It's breaks my heart hearing the emotional agony you are in because of the cysts. Johns Hopkins may not be able to get you in soon enough by what you're describing. I really think you should go to a dermatologist asap. They will do a biopsy and likely get you on treatment to stop those things. And they can get you in to JH hospital sooner.

And I understand the fear of not wanting to be like your mom. But right now is when you need your family's help. Especially since you are feeling like you can't go on. You and I both know those thoughts open the for for more negative thoughts. And under mental distress you could act on them without realizing what you are doing. Please, let your wife know you need help getting food, getting out of bed, or whatever your new is. "In sickness & in health" was the promise you made each other. She may be hurting thinking you don't want her around. Lean on God. (((Hugs))) & prayers for you 🙏🌼

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