I am 46 today and my wife and I have a son and a daughter. One is 21 and the other is 24. I have provided well for them over the years and have instructed them on what they need to do in order to set up a place to live. I suggested roommates for them in order to make it affordable. We are a religious family and my daughter spends a lot of time in church activities. So I expected her to live at home for quite a while because she lives off little and dedicates her time to spiritual activities. I support that wholeheartedly. My son, my firstborn, I love him dearly as I do my daughter. He was the most affectionate. But about a year ago, he decided that because of our health, he was going to stay home and take care of us. Something I really hate. I don't want either of my kids to do that. I told him while they live at home, they can do chores but not to stay here to take care of us. I try to show my appreciation for the things he does. I will say thank you when he washes the dishes and he will return with "it is my job". But no one gave that job to him. He just does it before anyone else can. If I volunteer, he will say no. I will cook a couple times a week. A meal for everyone. Something big.
But I really wish I didn't have any help if he is going to react that way. It makes you feel guilty and bad. On top of that, I pay 90% of the expenses so helping around the house is the least they can do as far as I can see. I wouldn't act like he is giving up his life for me. He spends an hour a day doing dishes and taking out the trash. But they act like they want to care for us because we're not well. I am trying to find a way of correcting their thinking without being mean. It is nice to have some help. But I could hire someone. Any tips.?