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Spouse left due to circumstances of illness

Oct 24, 2014 10:10 PM

So devastated! Any one else and why?

Oct 24, 2014 10:25 PM

Oh hun, I'm so sorry to hear that... *big gentle hugs*

Oct 24, 2014 10:43 PM

So sorry! It is devestating that illness affects every aspect of life. I hope you have someone to talk to and if not seek out a professional.

Oct 24, 2014 11:07 PM

when I was in yr 12, the guy I was dating at the time told me he didn't want to date a cripple anymore. he has since learned from that and grown up and matured a bit. I know chronic pain takes a toll on those around you, particularly those closest to you; it really shoes who is willing to be there for you and put in the extra mile despite difficult circumstances impacting on the relationship. so know this: the person you do end up with one day, you know will be a pretty special, awesome, loving and genuine person, who is willing to go all out for you because they love you. everyone else just isn't worth the effort and clearly not the right person to support you :)

Oct 24, 2014 11:07 PM

hope that cheers you up a little :)

Oct 25, 2014 5:25 AM

I am so, so, so very sorry!! Please know that I will be praying for you! Also know that you are a wonderful person who deserves so much better, and that you really are loved. *HUGS*

Oct 25, 2014 11:02 AM

I believe its only a matter of time to when my wife will leave me. I,m 55, she is 45 and its been a 6 year deal for me so far with the first two years and now again the last two years being very difficult and debilitating for me, it has stressed our relationship to a point where she is now unhappy too. All the signs are there, she's had enough and I'm sure is wanting to live a fulfilling life and not be stuck with someone who can't travel or even go out for dinner or socialize outside of our home.

I can't really blame here, who wants to live life like a senior and have to look after a invalid when you're only 45.

Oct 28, 2014 2:51 AM

I know how you feel. My wife of twenty-five years left me for the same reason. Two years ago last July 12 2012 and it hurts yet!

Oct 30, 2014 3:00 AM

Been down that road. 12 years married then divorced. If they can't love you at your worse then what good are they. Now have a very caring and loving fiancee

Nov 02, 2014 1:38 AM

he never deserved you in the first place! my bf dumped me when I was diagnosed with oa. I'm beautiful, successful, and smart....he just didn't want to slow down for me. it showed me his true colors: he is a jerk who is superficial, egotistical and self righteously judgmental. he now resides with his mom and enjoys her laundry services and cooking.

I have also lost friends over this, since they would try to make me quit using my cane.

take it as a comment on him, not you. you'll find someone much better if you respect yourself and accept you are equal. my bf is not disabled but is super understanding. we plan to marry soon.

Nov 02, 2014 8:57 AM

He has tried to put all blame on me. Saying I lost motivation and didn't invest in our relationship. You put up with this pain and see if your motivation changes a little?! Funny my pain level has gone down some since I've calmed down over this and don't have him as a worry.

Nov 23, 2014 4:58 AM

cspinelli, I doubt he could endure your pain a single hour without crawling on the floor and begging for help. he is a little weakling and doesn't deserve someone of your fortitude. I too find my pain has lessened now that my bf accepts me fully and truly loves me. if someone leaves u when you get sick, they were jerks from the start and perhaps didn't know it. it's in the wedding vows for a reason!

Nov 23, 2014 7:11 AM

I wish we had a like button for these posts!

Nov 23, 2014 8:59 PM

I'm 53 now but when I got sick and diagnosed in 1995. My brother had just died with Lupus ( SLE ). Then I got sick ( SLE ) RA Fibro with other issues. I was just starting my infusions and my then husband pulled the insurance from me. Then he said he didn't want me anymore cause of my illness. I was always working doing and going everywhere. Then lupus hit me!! We were married and together for over 15 yrs. I am still by myself cause I can't find a man that will love me beyond my sickness. I may be sick but I'm not dead!! You keep your heads up people cause there is someone out there for you. Keep smiling too. Luv you all and I am sending you all "Big Gentle Huggs". Have a great Day!!

Nov 23, 2014 11:48 PM

I thought that I would forever be doomed to grow up to live as the "old cat lady" after I was diagnosed with CRPS at age 18. That is UNTIL I reconnected with an old friend from high school who had actually had a crush on me for YEARS w/o me waking up to smell the coffee!!

Now we are very happily dating.

So the moral of the story is that the RIGHT PERSON IS OUT THERE FOR YOU!!!

If your ex-husband was so short sighted & selfish as to leave you & take his insurance with him, then HE DIDN'T DESERVE YOU ANYWAY!!

Nov 24, 2014 12:39 PM

Hi, my name is Robert. I am an energy medicine practitioner that used to have severe pain that was very difficult to live with. I am offering any of you free energy sessions. There is no catch and i have nothing to sell. If you are interested or have questions, feel free to message me at tranquilityfullsoectrum@gmail.com.

Dec 14, 2014 5:58 PM

Whatever happened to the vow "in sickness and in health' ? My partner and I have been together for over 7 years now and she is dealing with chronic knee pain and I have degenerative disc disease and yes we can certainly get on each other's nerves. We all need a sounding board to vent. We yell we scream we swear like sailor's but at the end of the day we know beyond a shadow of a doubt that no matter what we will always love one another and be there for one another. The most important lesson I learned is never go to bed mad!!!!!! Sleeping on the couch sucks!!!!

Dec 15, 2014 9:45 AM

Cspinelli, I am so sorry. I've been blessed with my husband standing by me (33 yr) through many medical issues. I can't begin to understand your emotional pain, or anyone else's in your situation. Over the years, through my sickness or that of family members needs or deaths, my husband has stayed by my side. I have learned that too often people are no longer willing to deal with the "sickness/health, rich or poor, etc" and would rather walk away. Even family members run as fast as they can when someone is in need. Its a "me, myself, & I" world today. But there's one who will always be true to the end...God. Trust yourself & Him and you will get through this. Prayers going up for you now!

Dec 15, 2014 11:50 AM

I'm sorry to hear that! Prayers going up. Please don't blame yourself, he will see its his loss.

Dec 16, 2014 4:55 AM

It is his loss!!!! I know s may butthead people that would get up and leave their husband's or wives due to chronic pain and I just do not understand what happened to commitment????????? I have been blessed with my husband now, but my first husband would have left me in a heartbeat if I had all this pain!! So sad!!!!!!!!! Big gentle hugs!

Apr 01, 2015 2:28 AM

Yes don't feel as its your fault or the illness either! I thought I had someone special also till I wasn't able to do everything my wife thought I should have been able to? That was the excuse but the real reason was it gave her an excuse to leave me for a child molester she met at the job she worked at. She also started going to bars and doing all the things I offered to do with her to make her happy? She used my illness as an excuse to leave but it wasn't the real reason. Don't blame yourself! When you really need someone to just be there is when they will hurt you the most. Stay strong and focus on your needs. God will never walk out on you! Remember Jesus loves you and will always be there. Bess you and good luck . There are good people here willing to listen and offer some good advice. Your not alone that's what's important! Dogdaddee

Apr 01, 2015 9:33 AM

Stay strong. I would be devastated too if that happened to me...

Apr 01, 2015 10:59 AM

When we get married it says in our vows to one another in sickness and on health. That means if you really love one another. You want to be with that person and care for that person. In good times as well as bad times.I wish you the best in life.will be praying for you.

Apr 01, 2015 5:55 PM

Because when I was first diagnosed and they put me on the trial and error when i had my worstprogram, my husband said I was out of my head all the time and I was never in the mood so he started seeing someone else. When I had one of my worst flare ups, he walked out after25 yrs together. Couple of months later I met a man, or should I say "Gentleman" he totally loved and spoiled me. He understood my condition and was always there for me. Last year 4/26/2015 he went into a diabetic coma and died. It's hard to go on, but I have to. I guess you can say I've the best of both worlds, lol

Apr 01, 2015 6:34 PM

Ann56, I'm very sorry for your loss. I hope as time goes by the pain of losing him will be replaced by all the good little moments & happy memories. Praying for you. πŸ™πŸŒΌ

Apr 01, 2015 10:22 PM

So sorry to hear that. I'm extremely lucky as my ex came to stay with me to take care of me. I know that I would be so lost if he left me now. Hugs

Apr 02, 2015 12:03 AM

Sorry for the painful time you are going through. I got divorced about 3 years ago after being together for 10 years. My story is a bit different though as I was the one to leave. My ex became an alcoholic and would use my use of prescription pain medication as his excuse to drink. He had absolutely no consideration for what I was going through with my health. He ended up getting out of control and abusive so I took my 2 kids and left very promptly! Even though I was the one to leave it was still an excruciatingly painful thing to go through... The horrific marriage the last several months and the divorce itself. My recommendation is to hold your head high and keep putting one foot in front of the other. It will hurt, but as time passes you will heal. You deserve better and when you aren't looking is usually when the true love of your life will find you. Good luck πŸ€ on your journey! And stay strong! 🌸

Apr 25, 2015 5:32 AM

My fiance left me back in February. He was mad because I was taking opiods, which were prescribed, and he didn't want me to. He was also mad because he "wanted a wife that could make him dinners every night and would get dressed every day". He continusouly put me down for being in pain..never read a thing about my disease. But didn't waste any time reading about how opiods effect the human body. He was a controlling man and he was mad at my CRPS because he couldnt control it! Too many times he tried telling me how to fight this and how to cope. After a horrendous breakup (he stole my cat, locked me out of the house, sold some of my things, burned my furniture, called the cops on me..all because I left after broke up with me) I am now doing a little better. Getting help from my mother and resting as much as possible. The CRPS is spreading, every day is excruciating. But I'm better off without that stress. I wish you luck. I hope you feel better.

Apr 25, 2015 8:46 AM

Peanutty, from what you described, your ex wants a "perfect" mate. And he wasn't willing to accept anything less, "for better or worse." Count your blessings your found out before you married him! Its not easy I know. We watched our daughter get almost to the alter, twice, and her 2 exes (both) cheated on her. It was bad enough the first time, and we lost thousands of paid for wedding services that was lost because he waited 3 days too long to call it off by cause he was (already) back with his ex. But the money lost was nothing compared to the hurt he caused our daughter. Then the second ex basically did the same thing. He was oversea (service) and she was here setting up for their future home. She waited and planned and purchased a whole year. He'd been back 2-3 months and moved to an apartment she furnished for them. Not even a month later he called it off because "oops, I got a girl pregnant and I have to do what's right by her." Excuse me, but what about doing what's right by your fiancee!!! This time our daughter was devastated and we were worried shed never recover or love again. After almost 3 years she's with one who got burned just as bad by his ex. They're living together to make sure, because they're scarred & scared of being hurt again. BNow I look back and thank God she didn't marry either. Through mutual friends she's heard both of their lives have been one derailed train after another. And sadly for one's family, he died from a medication overdose this year;whether accidentally or purposely we don't know. My daughter cried for his family, wife and children. Shed forgiven him. I'm sorry for such a long post. What I'm trying to say is, be patient and the right one will come along. I pray God helps heal your emotional pain, and physical. It takes a special somone to truly be committed to "better or worse, richer or poor." I know those are traditional marriage vows, but im talking about general respect, love & committment, in or outside of marriage, for all couples. Someday youll meet the right one! πŸ™πŸŒΌ

Apr 25, 2015 10:22 PM

Peanutty: you are so lucky to be rid of him. Life is to short to be miserable. It will work out usually when you are focused on something completely different. The next one will deserve you, the last guy did not deserve you.

Apr 26, 2015 6:45 AM

I am so sorry about what you are going through. Just remember it is not you. You needed someone who would stick with you through sickness and health. It shows a lack of character on his part. We as people who suffer from pain and illnesses have to remember that our caregivers need some time away from the situation. They need to take breaks and go to a movie by themselves with no illness around them. They just need a break because they hate to see us hurt. If they don't get it, they it is their job to demand it. It is never an excuse to leave someone. I am not saying this is your situation. But some use excuses like that to leave.

I am dealing with parasites and not getting the help I desperately need right now. I was so scared that I was talking about it all the time. Everytime I found some little piece of proof, I would go to the emergency room. I would show them something that looked like the worm but they would say I am delusional. My wife would go back and forth. she would say she believes my evidence, then after we leave the doctors office, she would say, I don't know what it was despite seeing it move.

I went to the doctors two weeks ago because they were moving real hard in my head. They said it was nothing. They did not look at my pictures. They threw away the pieces of tapeworms that came from my sinusus. She was mad. She said she was going to stay with someone for a while.

So I had to change the way I handle the situation. I have to put with symptoms. I have to put up with new symptoms. The baby tapeworms are all over my stomach, chest and parts of my leg. When I cut up garlic cloves, I put it in apple sauce and down it quick before I can taste it. They disappear quickly. They are in my head on my brain. The only thing that I have to worry about is if one of them is female. She can lay eggs on my brain, cause seizures, stroke, menegitis, and encephilitis.

So I am now not allowed to talk about them even though I have obvious pictures. The problem lies in the fact the doctors dont know what a male or female tapeworm look like. Plus, my doctor doesn't think we have parasites in the eastern U.S.. The CDC contradicts them.

So I know what it like to have a spouse who doesn't fully support you and doesn;t promise to be there for there. And we have been married 24 years.

Apr 26, 2015 10:11 AM

I am so sorry that all of y'all are having to go through this with out your mates. It is their loss.They will come to regret their actions one day. You will be stronger going thru this. Cling to your faith in God and he will carry you through this ordeal. As for Profiler is there any way you could get to the Dr.s, at the CDC and take a sample of the worms with you? I pray that y'all can see the rainbow at the end of your of you troubles. I know that's not how it goes but I think my Fibro has really gotten bad with everything that's gone on this week. I can't remember anything anymore. Will keep y'all in my prayers.

Apr 26, 2015 4:06 PM

I am really sorry that you are going through this. What a nightmare. Sounds like this guy is looking for a Mommy Figure to take care of him. He sounds very immature and very unwilling or unable to change his way of being. Thank God, you got to really know him before you got further into the relationship. Hope it all gets better for you and that you are having a blessed day. You'll be in my prayers.

May 31, 2015 7:11 PM

I know everyone means well when they say the right one will come along, but my ex couldn't understand what I was going through and left me, my fiance of 13 years was a saint and understood fully, then he died. I don't thing I'll ever get over losing him. My God is the only one I want a relationship with now. He understands and is compassionate to my pain. I don't want to gamble with finding another caring mate. But thank you all so much for the prayers. There always welcomed.

May 31, 2015 7:52 PM

You are right about God. He should be first in all our lives. Hugs & prayers! πŸ™πŸŒΌ

Jun 01, 2015 7:49 AM

Your ex-spouse is a jerk and a coward. You deserve better than that!


Jun 03, 2015 5:40 AM

It is never good to think about finding someone else after just losing someone. It is smart to put your trust in God. He is a rock and stronghold. He is a comforter in times of need. That is what it sounds like you need right now. It is good that you recognize that. If you put those priorities first, he may send someone to you who truly cares for you because he also puts him first too. But that may be something you may never want again. The bible encourages singleness for ones who want to pursue it and put him first. But I have also found for ones of us that deal with pain. It is nice to at least to have a roommate, friend, or companion around. Best wishes to you.

Jun 03, 2015 12:36 PM

We need to stArt a dating site for the chronic pain people like us 😁 least we understand each other.

Omfg...I feel sorry for those who were left behind. Warm hugs to everybody!

Jun 03, 2015 8:54 PM

Octobot, that's kind of a brilliant idea actually! You could make an app for that. Or maybe work with Catch My Pain to make a sidekick app for this one ☺️. It actually is a brilliant idea.

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