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Spouse

Sep 18, 2016 4:16 PM

I suffer from fibromalgia, osteophytosis, osteoporosis, sciatica, torn hips, degenerative bone disease and hypothyroidism. Basically I have chronic pain. I'm female 120 pounds 5 foot 7 inches. 41 years old(I look 25) ok so basically what I need help with right now is my spouse. Of 1 year. When I'm stressed it can cause a major fibromalgia flare up and I turn cold, no empathy no compassion and my husband cries easily. no matter what I'm pretty cold, I just need him to be realistic and move forward and act normal. Then I can calm down and relax and be empathetic again. It's so frustrating and I hate it. It's like he wants to do everything in the world for me and I don't want to surrender to my pains, I want to not need help. I'm lost, in pain and causing pain to my wonderful husband... Ughhhhhh😥

Sep 18, 2016 4:24 PM

I used to be mad at my husband too! I was and still in a lot of pain then one day he said to me I do all this shit for you and If I could take your pain away I would! Even though pain makes us mean I took a good look and realized he was right! I felt very bad about the way I was treating him!Now I try not to be mean to anyone! I just try to cope with my pain! Biofreeze helps plus my tens unit! You do not want to lose your marriage. You need support! Hope this helps!

Sep 18, 2016 4:29 PM

Thank you, your right I hate it too but I can't stop it I try. I don't want to be the boss or wear the pants because he's scared of setting it off. I want him to have the power to know how control what he does and says to set it off. Does that make sense.

Sep 18, 2016 4:48 PM

When I feel bad all I want is to watch 51 dates and lay on couch cuddled up with a pillow and blanket but that's not always possible. 🙋😇

Sep 18, 2016 8:40 PM

My husband - of twenty years - and I have developed a system that's working out ok. He wants to do things for me, and I'm crazy independent. So we quantified it. He'll say, "How are you?" I'll answer with a number from 1-10. 1 is the worst. 10 is the best. If I'm below five, I let him do whatever he wants for me. If I'm five or above, he knows I'm well enough to do for myself. Everybody wins. Quantifying takes out the emotional conversation, too. We've already agreed - no need to rehash.

Sep 18, 2016 8:50 PM

That's awesome you found a system and he was willing to try it!! Hopefully we will too, it's making me crazy-er. Lol🙋✌️

Sep 19, 2016 1:51 AM

I agree with @fatiguedfighter i also let me partner know where i am on the pain scale when he asks how i am. He then knows not to take my emotional outbursts too seriously or personally.

However you do need to work on your frustration and ensure it doesn't become habit to lash out. Try and use a natural calming/mood stabiliser. It helps take the edge off and your react less emotionally.

Remember to H.A.L.T. never get in a fight or argument IF you are: hungry, angry, lonely or tired...

Sep 19, 2016 2:49 AM

@rachei please let your husband know how u feel when u get a flare up n what u require him to do, tell him to stay calm n it will help u pass this flare too
... i didnt know first what to say to u cuz your hubby cares too much....u shouldnt be worried my dear be thankful n proud ...
I got divorced bcuz i of rheumatoid arthritis, many shallow people exist in the world n my hubby ws 1 of em.....
bcux i wasnt normal bcuz i ws unable to do all the chors properly n walk... u r 1 lucky person dont be worried be happy 😇👍💗

Sep 19, 2016 8:06 AM

Thank you for all the words of encouragement and support, definitely a work in progress. I'm going to try the 1-10. I've tried chakra and mediation. In the moments is the problem I don't like to linger and stress from fighting causes my body to shut down it feels like a ton of bricks knocked me down. My husband is the last person I want stress from. Thank you

Sep 19, 2016 8:14 AM

FatiguedFighter I love how you communicate with numbers!Thanks for sharing! I will also try this!

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