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Stressing is making me feel worse

Nov 05, 2015 8:43 AM

I have mentioned before that my daughter is special needs. (ADD/ADHD/SPD) She is also experienced a lot of loss in her short life. She started kindergarten this fall and has had a tough time. Typically she has three bad days and two OK days at school every week.

Monday was an ok day. But Tuesday she was refusing to participate and crawling around on the classroom floor. When the teacher corrected her she threw a book at her which worked the whole class up and got them nearly rioting. The poor teacher looked ready to cry at pick up. Then Wednesday she and her best friend got into a fight before school and ended up written up for it because it became physical and they refused to stop.

These are the first time I have seen her be physical like this at school. I'm worried. She is very smart and wants to learn but just can't seem to control herself at all. I am working with the school and school counselor as well as the youth services in our area. We have a counselor from YSB that meets with us weekly in our home and visits my daughter at school weekly. So I feel frustrated that we are seeing things being worse and not better.

The worse my daughters day is the more worried I become. The stress of it is making me hurt all over. I woke up this morning with a crazy itchy rash all over my face. My back is killing me. My feet and fingers have that annoying pins and needless sensation. My head is hurting so bad that I am nauseated. My chest hurts from worry. My hips ache. I didn't sleep well and kept waking up soaking wet in a cold sweat. And my IBS is acting up and I have barely eaten all week.

I am exhausted. By the time I pick my daughter up from school I am barely rested. The house is still a mess. I forgot to take anything out for dinner. And there are four loads of laundry that need done and the to be folded.

Again, my daughter is smart. She knows when I don't have the energy to fight her. And of course being a kid she takes advantage. So I know I need to get it together. But I just feel so frustrated and I hurt so bad today that it's hard to find the motivation.

Nov 05, 2015 9:07 AM

AnazingM911, I am so sorry to hear that this is happening. I know that when I am on stress overload, I end up in horrible pain and it just gets worse the more I worry. I have a neighbor that has two special needs children and one of them is non verbal. He has just started to become violent. He was being told he was not allowed to do something and he punched his grandmother in the face. She reprimanded him and he hit her again. I can't imagine the frustration that you and your daughter suffer. I am sure that with help and patience, she will come along and you won't have to worry as much. I'm sending you gentle {{{Hugs}}} and prayers that things become easier for you and that you get a break from your pain.💕🙏🏻🌻

Nov 05, 2015 9:59 AM

Always thanks. I appreciate that. It's just one of those days when I feel like it has to be too much.

Nov 05, 2015 8:23 PM

Take some slow deep breaths AmazingM. Then get a notepad and list what you needed to do. Prioritize and number them. Then pace yourself and take your time to do what you want to do. We aren't superhuman. We aren't even normal human. We are physically, mentally, emotionally challenged humans! There's no way to do it all even in a week. Let things go that aren't as important. It will wait for another day.

I'm so sorry you're under so much stress. My daughter's stepson has ADHD & autism. He's very smart but plays dumb, and she and I caught on quickly, but he manipulated his dad, grandparents, and his teachers. Finally the new principal, who taught him before, agreed with my daughter and they're trying to find ways to deal with his behaviour. Consequences mean nothing to him, not do rewards. Seeing her stressed over him, I can only imagine what you and your daughter are dealing with. Hopefully you will be able to use available resources to change her behavior to non-physical. (((Hugs))) and I'm praying for you! 🙏🌼

Nov 05, 2015 8:46 PM

Flappy, my daughter is similar in that she doesn't care much about consequences either. I am so grateful that today went better. We needed a break this week. I'm not hoping I sleep well tonight!!!

Nov 06, 2015 4:52 AM

My son is now eighteen years old and settled well into college. He was diagnosed with a sleep disorder at three years and probable ADHD with autisic tendencies which was finally diagnosed at seven years. He was a nightmare child from the day he was born. He refused to sleep. He wasn't always crying but never slept. From the moment he started to move he was more trouble than what you'd normally expect. When he started in nursery the headteacher picked up on his behaviour and asked for a child psychologist to be involved. That got the ball rolling and we had a visit from a specialist health visitor and he was referred to a paediatric consultant specialising in ADHD related matters. She was fantastic really supportive. It was when he started primary school that major problems started. The school wouldn't accept there was anything wrong with him despite having reports from GP, Consultant, Sp. Health visitor, health visitor, speech therapist, school child psychologist, head child psychologist and nursery school head teacher. They reckoned he was choosing to behave badly. I fought every step of the way. I was exhausted. In pain. Depressed. Felt like I was sinking fast. He often hid under his bed so I couldn't get him to school. He was always fighting with other kids. He couldn't sit still for 5 secs let alone 5 minutes. He didn't understand rewards and consequences either. He laughed in your face if he was told off but he didn't seem to care when punished. He never really got any help in primary school as the school stopped all attempts of getting extra help for him. By the time he reached secondary school. He was way behind. We were told by the head child psychologist that he was intelligent. He'd got it in his head but it wasn't coming out on paper. At the start of year 7 he was working at the level of a year1 child (a5-6 year old). He couldn't read very well just odd words, writing was unintelligible. He was placed in the special needs group in the school. Targets were set. He got the help he needed. The staff took him and his problems seriously. He still caused problems, he set fire extinguishers off, he got into many fights, he often hid under bed to avoid me getting him out to school, but I was told by the school not to battle with him. They would come out and see to him. He refused to do homework. Which I was told was normal for him. He wouldn't eat at school. He walked out many times. Picked arguments with staff. His schoolwork improved. By Christmas of year 8 he was placed back in main stream school but in a support set. No homework still but he sailed on from there. It was decided to take away his break times as punishment as he really enjoyed them. Punished him not me then. This all continued until year11. He grew up a little bit. He hated school. We also found out why he laughed and smiled at people when he was told off. He said he didn't know what to do or say so he just smiled. He wasn't being rude he just didn't know how to handle the situation. His behaviour calmed down a bit, he became more aggressive towards staff when he spoke to them. He started swearing. This caused a number I'd punishments that to me weren't bothering him. But the school stuck to it. Boundaries. I fond support in them and I fully supported them. He proved very difficult were his mobile phone was concerned often pushing the teachers beyond what was acceptable. But soon realised they made better friends and he could talk to them as an adult if he behaved. It's been a long and very hard struggle to get him through school. He left school with some good qualifications. He surprised everyone. He got a c in English first time. This was his worst subject. He still doesn't spell very well but that doesn't matter. He got a distinction in engineering. I was well proud. The school did him proud. Just proves with the right help any child can make it. He's now in college studying his third year in motor engineering. Doing really well. We still have some hiccups. Mainly in how he deals with things emotionally. He seems to be going through the teenage years later than others. But that doesn't matter. I see a light at the end of the tunnel now. For many years I couldn't. But it's there. The pain and headaches I've suffered getting him there are still present but I can deal and know there's hope. Sorry this has been long. I hope your daughter gets the help she needs. Things may get worse before they get better but she'll get there and so will you. Thoughts and prayers are with you both. X

Nov 06, 2015 2:28 PM

I appreciate your encouragement . I fight hard for my daughter to get the help she needs and we are just starting her school career.

Nov 06, 2015 2:38 PM

LaviniaGrace, Your story is so inspiring about your son's challenges and accomplishments. I know the battle of raising him was unbelievable. But you held out and held on. II would like to share your story with my daughter, if you don't mind. She seems to be the only one who cares about helping her stepson. God bless you both! 🙏🌼

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