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Struggling to stay optimistic.....

Nov 04, 2016 1:56 PM

Before I had a diagnosis my husband told me that I should be doing all the same things my doctors and research has told me to do (which by the way that makes my husband a genius 😂 😝 lol!) so I had a head start with all of this stuff. I thought 💭 having a diagnosis would help make me feel better but the truth is I hate this whole situation.
I have fibromyalgia, a very complex syndrome. There is no cure, they don't know how I got it, and the treatment for the symptoms sucks!! I feel just as stuck as I did before my diagnosis.
I'm doing everything I should be from exercise to a crap 💩 load of other things. It never will end. I'm going to have To do this forever, not to cure my symptoms But just so I can remain functional and to reduce my pain. I'm so tired 😴 of trying. I just want to throw my hands up and throw a tantrum.
Screaming and yelling would feel great 👍 but who do I go off on? Who should I be mad 😡 at? Who deserves my wrath?
My condition is no ones fault. But I blame myself because I think my carefree youth is coming back to haunt me. If I ate better, exercised more, didnt pull so many all nighters, drank less, had better relationships, lived a healthier life style just maybe this wouldn't have happened to me. And I hate how much what I'm going through is affecting my husband and family.
Logically I will never know how I got this syndrome. But my guilt and self blame is killing me. I am doing my best to do everything im supposed to do for me and my family but it's never enough. Im always wondering if I should do more. I see all the things other wives and mothers do that I can't and it makes me feel so guilty.
Don't get me wrong. I have a husband who is my best friend for 16 years that women dream about. And my kids and family are extremely supportive and forgiving let alone understanding. My support system is awesome 👏!!!
And u may wonder what is wrong. That's just the problem. I feel like I short changed the people I love ❤️. They all deserve so much better than me. I'm not good enough for them and no gets why I feel this way.
Yes I'm having a bit of a pity party 🎉 as pathetic as it is. I'm so tired of dumping all my problems on them. My husband married a 98 pound 👊 23 year old woman 👵 who was a professional model and ended up with a 160 pound 40 year old disabled wife with health problems. I had all my kids in my 20's when I had all the energy in the world (btw I have had 6 kids). Now I'm exhausted 😩 getting dressed in the morning. I get so irritable 😡 sometimes and my family gets the brunt of it. My family has to deal with my migraines, my physical pain, exhaustion, and so on. I wish I could just give them the life they deserve.
Is anyone else going through this too? How do you deal with it?

Nov 04, 2016 3:04 PM

Ctsego, you wrote a story close to mine. Even after 8+ years of battling (constant) first one then another of chronic illnesses, I still play the blame game. I've had other health issues throughout our marriage but not like these. Fibromyalgia came on board during a period of high inflammation when I had an undiagnosed mass, and it's stuck around. I question why, and feel sorry that my family (and I) got short changed of our dreams of life. My hubby bears the brunt of my moods, fatigue, and pain. I've found that letting him get away a couple hours here and there, even though I can't go, is very helpful to our relationship. He loves me dearly and reminds me were married "for better or worse, in sickness or health." He's a definite keeper. We'll celebrate our 35th anniversary on Tuesday.

I'm the youngest of four siblings and I have the worst health, and all the chronic pain issues. I'll be 55 in two days and I feel old, much older! I took care of myself all my life like doctors tell us to do and I'm suffering all this crap. My siblings lived the party-hard, party-often, live free life, and they don't have what I have. So no, I don't think it's anything to do with what we did our didn't do, or how we lived in our younger years. I've been able to remember more bits and pieces of my grandmother in my childhood, and I'm now convinced she had undiagnosed fibromyalgia. I'm wondering if my mom had it. She worked all her life until her heart attack, but she hurt like her mom. I have 2 cousins diagnosed with fibromyalgia. And there is a proven genetic predisposition to it. I'm convinced mine is genetic. And there's no getting rid of it. I use to joke that I inherited all the sick genes from my mom and dad because they were to worn out when I came along. Lol Everyone got a laugh out of it then, but no one's laughed in recent years at the joke, because it now seems more the reality. Just my luck of the draw.

I try to recenter my thoughts on positive things, instead of letting myself feel helpless or blaming myself or others. No one asks to have any chronic illness, and no one can control that they do. Negative thinking just increases stress which increases pain. I use relaxation, gentle stretches, gentle exercises like walking, watching movies, reading books, and music to refocus. There are things I can't control and things I can. I'm still learning to work on what & how I can. And this community has been a blessing of help! It's taken time but I'm getting there.

And you can count on all of us to help you get there too. When you find yourself thinking negatively try to think of something positive, or do something positive. It may look like miles away, but you reach it by taking one step at a time. Sending you hugs, love, and prayers for courage & strength to get through this! 🙂💕🙏🌸

Nov 04, 2016 3:12 PM

We all get the life that we get, and not the fairy tale life that is wished for us by those that love us. I would wager that you enrich the lives of those around you much more than you give yourself credit for. You broaden their capacity to deal with real life with all of its flaws. You deepen their ability to have compassion for their fellow beings. You show them that even when life plain old sucks, you still have the ability to care and worry about those you love. You are more than your condition, more than your pain. Hang in there.

Nov 04, 2016 3:16 PM

Oh lovely lady you're allowed to throw a pity party and you're allowed to be upset if you didn't feel the ups and downs of life you wouldn't be human.

Now the guilt......the residual guilt that has no purpose than to make us feel the worst we possibly could and then some.....that is a bitch and one of the hardest things I'm trying to deal with myself. The residual guilt of I've let my kids down because I didn't leave my abusive husband sooner, because I didn't realise how much they saw and heard, because I didn't protect them more, because the stress of getting a restraining order made me ill, because I couldn't look after my kids when I ended up in hospital, because they had to come in the ambulance with me......oh the amount there is has left it's mark but I'm seeing a cbt counsellor who will hopefully teach me to go thro it.
You see the thing is I know it's a useless feeling that's only purpose is so we can hate ourselves because of it. It stops us seeing everything we have achieved, that we have done the best we could in the situation we were given, how happy our kids are and how they will help anyone in any way they can because of the compassion we've taught them, what strong characters they are because we've taught them to do the best they can in any situation they come across.

The list of positives is astounding, when I feel the residual guilt I try to think about the opposite the positive to the negative.....I didn't leave earlier - i left when I could...... dragged my kids thro the woman's refuges - I did it to protect them and they are stronger and more compassionate......here is a positive to every negative.

I'm sorry there's not much more I can offer you, it's soo hard and I'm still struggling with it but the more I challenge the negative thoughts with the positive thoughts it's slowly starting to help but it's a long process and I am having CBT counselling to help. Maybe that's something you could think about to help you?


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