Like I stated I'm having issues with emotional stuff right now. Not feel as if I'm productive right now. I'm trying to be positive but I'm being to have a hard time with the propagandas..Seems like the harder I try the farther back I end up . Don't really know.where to go from here.
Not sure if that was the right word. But I try ands say or resite positive thoughts and focus.on the bright side of things GS. But I see the reality of my life and I see the reaction on the faces of the people and its hard to believe that everything is gonna be OK.
I see what you mean. I think we just need to give pain a chance to express itself: like cry, be miserable and go down for a bit. To have to always smile to pretend to positivity could be counter productive. At least it is for me. I find resilience in imagining the worst case scenarios and then through that find the strength to face the challenge.
I agree and today has been a very busy day family in and out all day of since I was out of the picture last week I really pushed myself today to be sort of the time they all had. And now I'm feeling it.
When I was 14 years old. I told my parents I had pain in diffrent areas of my body. They blew me off and said it was "growing pains" a few months later durring my anaul physical we brought it up with the doctor. They did tests and scans and determined I had juvinial rheumatoid arthritis. They started me on pain killers. My parents told me I couldn't tell anyone and let anyone see my pain. That it would effect my chances of getting a job down the road. Also we could not give my meds to the school nurse because it would be on file. So I had to sneak medicating myself everday.
Every day through the rest of school and college I had to hide my pain and meds and taking meds. I learned early in life how to were a mask and also how to tolerate pain... Even high pain levels. Playing sports or goofing off doing something foolish and required strength and enduance.
Talking now 35 years later to some school friends about it. They all said they had know idea that I was going through that and that much pain as some now have arthritis being close to 50. Years old.
Now after major car crash and also determined I was bi polar all along I have harder times controlling my emotions with 5 brain injuries.
I'm permanetly disabled. Seizures, mini strokes, cluster headaches and much more. Things are getting worst for me medically every year. My future is bleak for any hope of becoming "normal" again. Its been so long since I was pain free I can not grasp the concept. Even times in the hospital medicated with multiple narcotics I still felt break through pain. Mood swings are a part of my life. Days I have them I medicate and sleep for a day or 2. So I don't lash out on my wife & kids and family and friends. My wife has learned this about me and let's me "sleep it off" its a hard thing to control when you see a dreary ending of your life with pain always there. Lashing out in frustration and anger is normal response. I just try to take it an hour at a time. The more I make jokes or mess with people (go to McDonald's drive through and ask for 4 slices of peporione pizza) my wife knows I'm fight hard to control it and gets me to go med and lay down. See if you or someone that knows you can tell your "tells" to help you with your mode swings and what ever helps you get through it.