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Surgery Preparation

Jan 30, 2016 3:05 AM

Getting ready for Tuesday's upcoming knee replacement surgery. Does it make sense that I don't have anxiety about the surgery itself except I know there will be intense pain and discomfort. My anxiety/depression comes from the lack of support from my family. Out of three daughters, only one even cares and she lives out of town. When I had the shoulder reconstruction surgery, neither of the older two children called me at all. That surgery was October 12 and neither called to see how I'm doing. I mean not one visit from the one who lives here and no calls from either of the two? While I didn't expect much, I thought they would at least call. So why am I grieving their absence and disrespect this time around? Why am I crying about it? Why? It doesn't make sense. They disregard and betray me, why should I give a darned? Guess it's how we mothers are made. We love them, no matter what, even if that means at a distance. Silly woman, get over it, have the surgery and then move on with the rest of your life! But the void is still there and it hurts.

Jan 30, 2016 3:26 AM

Feel your pain there sweety. Have children very much the same as yours!! The 1 that is local only calls when he wants something..... "Hi mum, how are you feeling" "having a really tough time at the moment son" "oh dear, sorry to hear that. Can you have the kids at the weekend"?? If I say no, I wouldn't get to see any of them so I do have them and suffer (medically) god up to a week. No one understands apart from my poor hubby. Bless his heart. 😢😍💑

Jan 30, 2016 3:38 AM

I used to blame myself but each of these grown girls make their own decisions. Don't and won't understand it. My mother severely abused me, not only as a child but also engaged in alienation of affection with my kids. Yet, I learned to love this woman who gave me life. As a result, new memories were formed during her last two years and forgiveness occurred on her death bed. Years later, those newer memories allow me to view her fondly.

My children weren't abused like that. At least my youngest child has a good solid relationship. She will call my contact person and check with the hospital staff on the day of surgery like she did last time. She didn't rest until she spoke directly to me.

Guess gotta be glad that at least one of them cares and actually loves her mom.

It still doesn't erase the void from the other children, however.

Jan 30, 2016 3:55 AM

Oh sweetie, please keep us posted about your progress from the surgery. I too know how tough it is to feel hurt by a child who doesn't seem to appreciate what a simple hug or call can mean when we cope with so much misery. Not that we need pity at all, but just a show of concern to help us get through the scary stuff. My oldest who is now 33 gets it, but my 20 year old has no clue. I just try to remind myself that one day, he will. I pray so often that he will grow up and realize that the world doesn't spin around just him.
As a parent, we want our kiddos to know compassion. In my mind I think, if they can't show it for a parent who has health issues, who will they? And where did I go wrong?? Truth is hun, they just need to grow up. One day they will get it. In the meantime, hugs and prayers for a successful surgery and quick recovery.

Jan 30, 2016 6:43 AM

Thank you. The two oldest are 48 and 50. It's the youngest, 40, who seems to have a heart. I thank God for that youngest sweet daughter of mine.

Jan 30, 2016 6:51 AM

Guess it's time to buck up again. It is light outside. Another brand new day that God honors us to witness.

If my feet don't hurt so bad today, maybe I can get clothes washed, etc.

Jan 30, 2016 8:24 AM

Donamel, it makes perfect sense to me. I have family that has not come with me for surgery telling me that I wouldn't know they were there anyway. When I was admitted to the hospital, I was alone for 8 days at a time. Nobody came.. My Dad stopped in for 15 minutes and then would go home (but to his defense, he has a rod in his leg and couldn't walk far so they'd wheel him up and I'd send him home). It's hurtful because you feel like you are being abandoned. You know that YOU wouldn't do that to your children or anyone you love so how could they do it to you. My very best friend has been with me through most of my surgeries and when she came for major ones, my Mom would go too because my friend was there. Many times I've faced surgery alone and have had so many that nurses from other departments would come and sit with me until I went into the OR!! I'm sorry that you're sad and that this is why. I wish you all the best with your knee replacement and you will be in my thoughts and prayers. {{{Hugs}}} 💕🙏🏻🌻😊

Jan 30, 2016 12:14 PM

Thank you for all your wonderful thoughts. Guess I was just having a pity party.

Jan 30, 2016 9:41 PM

Donamel, It's OK to have a pity party, don't apologize. I'm so sorry you're emotionally hurting because your children won't be there for you. I've had many surgeries and my children have only come to 1, which was the most complicated (5 in 1). Most of the rest of my family were all at the beach enjoying a family vacation. Only one sister called to check on me. And you're right, it hurts a lot.

I think they will sadly learn what it feels like when they are older and walk the same path with their own children. I see signs of self-centeredness, selfish "me, myself, & I" in our grandchildren generation. They're going to care even less about their parents, our children. And I think it's because they give in to every thing the kids want. They don't teach compassion, caring for others, sharing, or charity. But enough rant.

Please know you are in my thoughts & prayers, that you're surgery will go well, with as little pain as possible. Hugs & love! 🙂🙏💕🌼

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