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talk me off the ledge

Nov 07, 2015 10:24 PM

I haven't had real sleep for a week. Between pain, pain meds, PTSD, fibro flare, and stress from my husband- I really feel like I'm losing my grip on reality. Please someone talk to me. I'm so tired and my stress level is thru the fricken roof. My husband is able to sleep thru pain and escape stress... and leave me alone all night. I'm so lonely and in so much physical and emotional pain! I let him sleep at night even though I'm struggling bc he works to provide for both of us. But on Saturdays he wakes me up at the ass-crack of dawn and expects me to do these "emergency" home repairs. I work on and in the house all week long as best as I can. I just... I do not understand why he ALWAYS has to wake me SO early? I don't understand why whatever project can't wait a couple of hours? I HATE IT! Tonight while I'm crying and pitching a fit bc of all this- HE FELL ASLEEP! Like, what the HELL?

I'm sorry for the swearing but I need help.

Nov 07, 2015 11:07 PM

Kitty, hang tight. I understand and it WILL be okay!!! All I can give you is soft, gentle hugs for now and let you know that I am thinking about you.

Nov 08, 2015 12:50 AM

I have insomnia too. I hope you manage to get some self care and sleep and get your husband on the same page as you to delay the house maintenance until you are up for it. 🌜

Nov 08, 2015 1:18 AM

Sounds really tough, but also kinda like the difference between "normal" no caffeine me (falling asleep anytime, anywhere) to me on other days hyper, super sensitive, insomnia.

If you can, try to talk about it with him. Tell him you have trouble sleeping anyway, and maybe it would be better if he, for example, leaves a note on the fridge or something, so you can fix things in your own time.

Stress sucks, pain sucks, PTSD sucks, and that's always hard. Clearly, insomnia isn't helping, so feel free to rant or anything. Lately I've been having some sort of triggered insomnia, and it sucks cuz I go to bed on time around 9 or 10 bit don't sleep for hours.

Anyway, I hope to hear how you're doing now, fingers crossed you feel better asap.

Nov 08, 2015 9:04 PM

Kittypain, I'm so sorry. It's your husband naturally an early to bed, early to rise type? Try and explain to him about your chronic pain and how it's hard to sleep well. Let him know you're not always able to get up early as he does. Get him to go with you to the doc and ask the doc to explain it to him. You are in my prayers! (((Hugs))) 🙏🌼

Nov 08, 2015 9:44 PM

Well, I'm off the ledge, as it were. The thing is, my husband is normally a VERY compassionate AND intelligent, I feel like his brain got shut off for the weekend. We've been dealing with SO much more extra stress lately. Money, jobs, always pain for both of us. I think we had a really productive talk today. I'm PRETTY sure we're on the same page now. Marriage is work but I'd rather do life with him than anyone else (or alone).

Nov 08, 2015 10:21 PM

That's really great you got through it. Stress takes us all in our own directions and can put blinkers on us. I hope you keep talking and keep heading in the same direction. :-)

Nov 09, 2015 1:32 AM

Kittypain
I totally understand your situation. I'm in the boat (money, stress, just sold our house and one looking for somewhere to rent) I'm in constant pain, can't sleep, sometimes I don't eat all day and have to remember to eat something. My husband is diabetic and has aches and pains too. He doesn't understand my pains and sometimes gets agrivated that I hurt all the time...Hugs to you

Nov 09, 2015 2:11 AM

Here's what I would do in your situation. First, I would prioritize what needs to come first: my husband's annoying habits / pushing me too hard or my pain. I personally would be in the ER if I were you (I actually just got back but not for insomnia) and I would tell them that the fibro pains and stress have kept you from sleeping for seven days. They are required by LAW to administer a tranquilizer of some sort and provide you a bed to sleep in. Then, once you've rested, maybe consider seeing a psychiatrist or a psychologist. I know it can be scary but I was in so much pain emotionally for almost ten years before I got the courage to go through therapy. When the fibro hit, I went through more and there was a family group that helped my family and I communicate far better. It might be just what you need - someone who is unbiased and can help you remember that your body needs TLC and how to do that without going crazy. I would suggest also looking for family groups for chronic illness sufferers or mental illness (for your PTSD). I suffer from many illnesses both mental and physical and I was my family's rock before everything came crumbling down. I know how helpless you feel. But you are worthy of a great life. You deserve to live a full and loved life, even with all this pain. You are worth all of that work. It might take you a whole before you believe it, but let me tell you - it's definitely worth all those sessions and the stress and the tears if at the end of the day, you take care of yourself.
In group, we were always reminded of this powerful thought: when you're flying in a commercial airplane, the attendants tell you to fit yourself with your own oxygen mask before helping others with theirs. You are no use to yourself or others if you do not take care of yourself. You are worth getting an oxygen mask.

Nov 09, 2015 7:27 PM

Kittypain, that's so good to hear! I'm happy for you, that you and your hubby were able to talk and work through this time of stress. Whether it's just you, or both of you, therapy would be a good way to get through all the stress especially with an unbiased therapist. You're in my thoughts & prayers. 🙏🌼

Nov 10, 2015 8:37 AM

Kitty, I'm glad that you had a conversation with your hubby. It helps to be able to take some stress off the table. Therapy is always a good alternative if you are open to it. Many folks have some problem with saying they are going for therapy and there is certainly nothing wrong with it. I've done it myself. Sending you good wishes, {{{Hugs}}} and prayers. 💕🙏🏻🌻

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