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The great pretender!

Oct 14, 2016 1:20 AM

This has been a tough week. Exhaustion at a very high level and pain is making it impossible to sleep. The bit of sleep I have had is not restorative...

I am struggling to focus at work, I cannot seem to get through a few hours without wanting to get back into bed.

It is one of those days where I don't want to pretend that I am ok. I don't want to fake a smile and I just want to be able to cry and scream from my frustration.

I am tired of being strong and I am tired of trying to manage my irritability so that I don't snap or lash out at my loved ones or people at work.

I want to be left alone but I don't want to be lonely...

I am tired of talking about my pain and sounding like a moaning murtle.

I want to be able to go for treatments and pay for my meds without having to worry financially about the amount of money my pain is costing me.

I want to feel good inside my own skin again. I want to be able to gym and stay up late at night socialising. I want to be able to work a 12 hour day if I so wished.

I want to be able to know what it feels like to not have pain without being drug induced...

***fuzzyspace***

Apologies for the rant everyone but just need to express my emotions or I might explode!!!!

Oct 14, 2016 1:56 AM

Hi Brave ๐ŸŒน...oh rant away hunni! Thats what friends are for ๐Ÿค—

I too have to hold my shit together ๐Ÿค”most of the time... ๐Ÿ˜šso i know how u feel hunni... ๐Ÿค—and its ok to want to ๐Ÿ˜just crumble into a heap, & have someone else๐Ÿค— have to hold it all together! We are only human after all โš˜

What we need to remember ๐Ÿค—...just between u & i, ๐Ÿ˜‰ is to regularly recharge those batteries, ๐Ÿค— to give ourselves the best chance ๐Ÿ˜Š to cope with what life chucks at us! ๐Ÿ˜š

A hot bubble bath ๐Ÿค” or perhaps a massage from a loved one ๐Ÿค—...or a glass of wine... (.๐Ÿซ..i have an imaginary friend๐Ÿซ called Keith!..๐Ÿซlmao...long story ๐Ÿ˜‰) ...or even a harmless rant ๐Ÿค— amongst good friends... that works too chick ๐Ÿ˜ƒ put it out there. Just the ๐Ÿค—getting it off ur chest factor alone... is a problem shared ๐Ÿ˜š

The point is... ๐Ÿ˜its OK to feel like this ๐Ÿค—...try not to isolate urself angel...and u will never be alone again ๐ŸŒน๐ŸŒน๐ŸŒน

Oct 14, 2016 2:28 AM

Thank you for being there for me @lulabel I know we don't know each other but your words of encouragement have made me feel not alone and she's she's year at the fact that some on understands and that I don't have to explain myself or feel sorry for feeling this way.

I have taken the day off work and am trying to book a sports massage. They always help!!! having coffee with my mom later and going to try take it easy.

Thank you again for listening. Sending love and light๐Ÿ’œ

Oct 14, 2016 2:29 AM

**sorry for the typos. Fat fingers today LOL

Oct 14, 2016 2:32 AM

Perfect day sweetheart ๐Ÿค— remember to just breathe ๐Ÿ˜™
Sending u much good karma for the day ๐Ÿค— and fond regards to ur moms ๐ŸŒน๐ŸŒน๐ŸŒน

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