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The great pretender!

Oct 14, 2016 1:20 AM

This has been a tough week. Exhaustion at a very high level and pain is making it impossible to sleep. The bit of sleep I have had is not restorative...

I am struggling to focus at work, I cannot seem to get through a few hours without wanting to get back into bed.

It is one of those days where I don't want to pretend that I am ok. I don't want to fake a smile and I just want to be able to cry and scream from my frustration.

I am tired of being strong and I am tired of trying to manage my irritability so that I don't snap or lash out at my loved ones or people at work.

I want to be left alone but I don't want to be lonely...

I am tired of talking about my pain and sounding like a moaning murtle.

I want to be able to go for treatments and pay for my meds without having to worry financially about the amount of money my pain is costing me.

I want to feel good inside my own skin again. I want to be able to gym and stay up late at night socialising. I want to be able to work a 12 hour day if I so wished.

I want to be able to know what it feels like to not have pain without being drug induced...


Apologies for the rant everyone but just need to express my emotions or I might explode!!!!

Oct 14, 2016 1:56 AM

Hi Brave ๐ŸŒน...oh rant away hunni! Thats what friends are for ๐Ÿค—

I too have to hold my shit together ๐Ÿค”most of the time... ๐Ÿ˜šso i know how u feel hunni... ๐Ÿค—and its ok to want to ๐Ÿ˜just crumble into a heap, & have someone else๐Ÿค— have to hold it all together! We are only human after all โš˜

What we need to remember ๐Ÿค—...just between u & i, ๐Ÿ˜‰ is to regularly recharge those batteries, ๐Ÿค— to give ourselves the best chance ๐Ÿ˜Š to cope with what life chucks at us! ๐Ÿ˜š

A hot bubble bath ๐Ÿค” or perhaps a massage from a loved one ๐Ÿค—...or a glass of wine... (.๐Ÿซ..i have an imaginary friend๐Ÿซ called Keith!..๐Ÿซlmao...long story ๐Ÿ˜‰) ...or even a harmless rant ๐Ÿค— amongst good friends... that works too chick ๐Ÿ˜ƒ put it out there. Just the ๐Ÿค—getting it off ur chest factor alone... is a problem shared ๐Ÿ˜š

The point is... ๐Ÿ˜its OK to feel like this ๐Ÿค—...try not to isolate urself angel...and u will never be alone again ๐ŸŒน๐ŸŒน๐ŸŒน

Oct 14, 2016 2:28 AM

Thank you for being there for me @lulabel I know we don't know each other but your words of encouragement have made me feel not alone and she's she's year at the fact that some on understands and that I don't have to explain myself or feel sorry for feeling this way.

I have taken the day off work and am trying to book a sports massage. They always help!!! having coffee with my mom later and going to try take it easy.

Thank you again for listening. Sending love and light๐Ÿ’œ

Oct 14, 2016 2:29 AM

**sorry for the typos. Fat fingers today LOL

Oct 14, 2016 2:32 AM

Perfect day sweetheart ๐Ÿค— remember to just breathe ๐Ÿ˜™
Sending u much good karma for the day ๐Ÿค— and fond regards to ur moms ๐ŸŒน๐ŸŒน๐ŸŒน

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