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The Last Few Days

Aug 14, 2016 12:03 AM

The last few days have been rough. I keep forgetting things- especially while driving. I'm stuck in such a fog that I can barely remember I need to pee none the less where I'm going.

My boyfriend wants to do things. Nothing strenuous. Just dinner and a movie.

I can't even function through that. My hands hurt so bad I can barely write or type. My hips feel like they're being drilled through. I have no energy. I can't hold things properly and need to ask for help. And every time something like it happens, every time I back out of plans or have to leave early or can't function through a conversation because I can't remember what was being said five seconds ago.

I want to burst into tears. I want to curl up in a ball and disappear. Because even though people tell me I'm not a burden, and that it's okay to take care of me, past experience tells me that that's just not the case.

I know I'm letting people down. I can see the look on their face every time. I can't take two hours to myself without feeling guilty none the less a day. I'm having trouble sleeping tonight. I'm tired of one day of pushing myself making me vomit for six hours because my body can't handle it. I'm tired of hurting. I'm tired of being a shitty friend, daughter, sister, and girlfriend. I'm tired of being tired.

Usually, I try to stay optimistic.

Today is not one of those times.

Aug 14, 2016 12:18 AM

You and I have a lot in common. I completely understand how you feel. It really is quite miserable sometimes. Sending prayers, hugs and understanding your way.

Aug 14, 2016 3:35 AM

Siren, I completely understand. I push myself every day and overdo it because of my kids. I don't want to let them down I do that alot when they want to go out for walks and my body is screaming! So I push myself and overdo it to go to thier football games or basketball games and band concerts. Sending you hugs, love and prayers for a better day. πŸ™πŸ’•πŸŒž

Aug 14, 2016 4:27 AM

Gentle hugs πŸ€— coming ur way x

Aug 14, 2016 10:22 AM

Siren, we all have been right where you are. More often than we'd like to think or admit. You're not a bad person, friend, mom, daughter, girlfriend or ANY of those things!! You didn't ask to be like this. You didn't sit down and say ok, I think I'll get some horrible condition that puts me in horrible pain so I don't have to do anything and be miserable. Think about it. Is the sun shining? Are you out of bed? Did anything (even for a second) make you laugh or smile? These are all of the every day gifts that you have to remember. It's not all bad even though it sure feels like it is. Things will improve. Believe me I understand being sick and tired of being sick and tired but that's what we were dealt with. Perhaps because we're stronger than others who knows why.... Just take minute by minute and remember to appreciate the sunshine!!πŸ’•πŸ™πŸ»πŸŒ»πŸ˜Š

Aug 14, 2016 12:23 PM

Siren, check your meds, alot cause short term memory loss and can can increase pain. To find this out ask the pharmacy to give you the inserts that come from the manufacturer. I think having to deal with memory loss is scary and adds stress which increases pain.. With meds sometimes it is a vicious cycle.

Aug 14, 2016 7:19 PM

Man I think like that every day....but I am A faker and miserable and want to Lay in bed and cry. I wish you felt better!

Aug 14, 2016 9:43 PM

Siren, I am sad you are feeling so crappy. We all go through this miserable time a lot around here. Sending you super soft hug.

Aug 14, 2016 10:15 PM

May GOD give you strength to get thru the rough days!!πŸ™πŸΌπŸ™πŸΌπŸ™πŸΌ We all feel your painπŸ˜ͺ. Hang tight this to shall pass!! πŸ’πŸ»

Aug 14, 2016 10:27 PM

Thank you everyone. I feel a bit better tonight. I've called my doctor and they told me they recommend sticking with my medication a bit longer, as my system is likely still adjusting to it.

Aug 14, 2016 10:27 PM

Switching at this time could do more harm than good.

Aug 16, 2016 2:33 PM

It's hard not to beat up on ourselves when we know others were counting on us and we couldn't be there. Have you ever read " The spoon theory?" I'll attach it below. I'm sending hugs, love, and prayers that you'll soon be feeling better! Until then just take it one step at a time. πŸ™‚πŸ’•πŸ™πŸŒΈ

Aug 16, 2016 11:11 PM

I had heard of it, but never read that until now. And, gods, does it ring true.

I'll probably send this to my family- try to give them a bit of understanding into what it is to be chronically ill.

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