So I've been living in constant pain for 5 years now. Most days I can accept that and try to make memories despite it, however there is a type of pain that I can't seem to get over. I just feel so alone. I'm married to the greatest man alive who tries to rub and rub away my pain but it's evident when he keeps asking "what's wrong" on a flare day or when I get over stimulated while out shopping with pain and too much information and can no longer communicate properly and he keeps asking me questions that I know he doesn't get it. To no fault of his own, no one gets it unless you experience this. I can't work, and it takes everything out of me just to cook dinner and get out of bed. I've had 8 surgeries in the past 6 years due to crappy knees and a gallbladder attack. I'm only 26. Most people my age are just too fast for me to catch up with. So the friends who didn't get scared away from all the medical talk, I push away. Because I just can't relate, can't connect to party stories, or going shopping or whatever they normally want to do. So when I try to bring them into my world, they get quiet, which I don't blame them. I mean who knows what to say about spinal injections or another round of physical therapy? But still, I just don't feel like anyone needs me. No one can relate to me, and sometimes I just don't feel like I have an anchor in this world and the pain will just swallow me. I don't think I have depression, and most days I'm very positive and I put on a happy face but there are times when the sadness just creeps in. I just need someone to see me. See how much pain I'm in and give me a hug and just tell me it will be ok. This is way more than any 26 year old should have to handle and no one gets that. Maybe I'm too good at hiding it, but I just wish people could see how much I struggle just to keep up. I'm a member of an online support group, but it doesn't replace a warm hug and a smile. Any advice on how to cope with the loss of friends? Thanks all. This is my first post and this has been on my chest for a while. Feels good to lay it down.