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This Is Me

May 09, 2015 11:28 PM

Will I ever be the same again?
Is this it?
My life, my future
pure abandonment

I smile and act fine
when really I wanna scream why?
I cry every night
try to sleep
but can't with all these
demons haunting my mind

I don't get it
I will never get it
how am I supposed to accept it
accept what I cannot change
will I ever stand up
both feet flat on the floor

research says no
yet I read on
I go on...
not knowing
taking a leap
into the darkness

pitch black
as my eyes roll back
dizzy head
pulsing pain
is there no end
end to the pain
the sadness

this is me
the me I will forever be

May 09, 2015 11:48 PM

No that is pain not you. Even though it may change us, it is not us you are still in there,just takes some time for the real you to find your way out.iwill keep you in prayers.

May 11, 2015 10:57 PM

I agree with Momflyer. Your pain is NOT who or what you are. You ARE in there and you will, over time, find a way to emerge and let the person you are shine through the pain and anguish. Know that you are not alone. There are MANY of us here with exactly the same agonizing pain day after day, hour after hour, not remembering what it felt like to not have any pain. I am sorry that you are feeling so dark and depressed. It is a very hard place to dig yourself out of but you have to. There are blessings all around you if you look for them. I know sometimes, when I am wallowing in my suffering, I don't want to feel better (mentally), I just want to have my pity party and that's that... Then, I think to myself, I have people who love me, I'm blessed at my age to have both of my parents still here with me. I try to do things for them by taking them to appointments or whatever they need. Hang in there, you will be in my prayers and remember that you can always come here and rant, cry, scream or whatever it is you need to do at that time. You will find that there will be times you will come here and actually inject humor into someone's day.

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