Over the past 5 years, as my health continued to deteriorate from one problem to another, I walked through the emotions of anger, grief, disbelief, jealousy, and denial, until I finally accepted that what I once had will never again be. It was just last year that I began to think of new ways to do what I can, to identify triggers to pain and adjust my activities to avoid those triggers as much as possible, and to be thankful for what I do have & try to stay positive as much as possible, to try and not let problems that crop up overwhelm me. I've managed to actually begin sleeping better during this past year, and have less anxiety & depression. My life is nowhere near what I thought it would be in my "prime years." But this is my new life, as normal as it's going to be, and its up to me to make the best, or worst of it.
This season I've reflected back over past holidays, remembering both good ones & bad. And I realized it was our poorest years that we enjoyed the most. We did crafty gifts for family & friends, through sewing, canning jams & jellies, and baking goodies for them. Those gifts were received with the most delight & surprise And I've thought about how my life has changed and not being able to even do those gifts anymore.
Then I realized, I don't care about gifts, getting or giving them. I just want to see and talk with those I love and miss. I'm very thankful and grateful that I can see the people, places, & things I enjoy (nature for instance), talk & sing, write/text, read, hear things like raindrops, laughter, birds, babies & music. I can still smile at others, casually converse in elevators, & wish others "Merry Christmas" in passing this holiday season. I could be like my mother in law, who suffering a stroke last year lost her sight, and now is losing her mind. She can't tell what time of day it is, or if someone's standing near, if she's grabbed pants or a top, if she's in her room or someone else's, and she can no longer differentiate voices to know who is speaking to her; all within 12 months time.
Yes, as hard and drastic as my life has changed, I am still thankful for the little blessings! And I'm thankful I will be able to enjoy spending time with those around me. I refuse to let my health and limitations rob me of another enjoyable part of life. I pray that you will all find joy & peace this holiday season, whenever & wherever you can. God bless you all! 🙏🌼