I have 5 sons and what I find that works is taking something away! Like electronics or game time! But first I wold sit them down and say hey this is what I am going to do if you don't listen and I mean it! The choice is up to you and then the next time they did it I stick to whatever I said and do it! You can't back out once you made the rule!
Former foster mom (prior to health conditions). I have had children come through that have been through many things and have all types of behaviors. What I can tell you is if you are having issues more then just typical not doing chores or homework and the ocassional sneaky kid behavior, if your hids are physically attacking you, then the best thing yo u can do is seek counseling for them and for the family. You may be trying to hide your health issues from them, or not, but they do see what is going on regardless. They need to talk about it. A counselor can help you come up with behavior plans and can help determine if the children need some community based services such as a counselor that takes them in public and works on there behaviors for you.
You are struggling with your own issues and may need help. That is okay. Don't feel like this is unrelated because in the long run it is. Your children's behavior can take its toll on you leaving you worn down and frustrated and that is not beneficial for anyone in the house hold. If you need to talk personally I am here. Don't hesitate to message me.
Definetly take time to seek a counselor. They can see what you are going through. They will have there own worries and as kids know that you are struggling and will have a harder time catching things and getting after them.
I have been in your possesion and it is difficult. You can only take so much before you break. Seek help soon they are plenty young enough to redirect behaviors now. If you wait it will become harder.
I would suggest finding a child and youth worker (CYW). These counselors specialize in working with children and parents. Counseling for children is done through play, talking, music, drawing, and role-playing. CYWs can get a child to open up about things or emotions they may not be comfortable telling their parents.
It's possible that your children know more about your pain and conditions, and therefore are feeling emotions that they may not be able to express in other (more appropriate) ways. Don't blame yourself, you are trying your best to help them and yourself. A counselor can help them to develop ways to express their feelings and can give them strategies to calm down or cope with their feelings.