I've had RSD for 10+ years but last year new bodywide pains started (soles of my feet, ankles, neck, wrists...) diagnosed as Fibromyalgia. Then this winter I've had residual pain from a spinal block (terrible hip and back pain that is beyond everything else!)
This all overwhelms all my coping strategies:( I just came back from a trip to the in-laws and I spent 60-70% of my waking hours angry. Angry that I hurt, that I couldn't follow the schedule I needed. Angry they don't understand or respect my coping strategies. I know my mother in law has cancer and is pain. I don't belittle her pain but she does mine. I am so upset that I was angry and bitchy so often. That is not who I am, or who I want to be!!! I hated seeing the looks as I snapped again about something that happened. The jokes about being a control freak, needing to look "fancy"... dressing nicely with a little makeup helps me hold onto the facade of being a person, not a pile of pain. Timing is everything where my meds are concerned... I know I need to do what I needed, and I did as much as I could.
My husband did help. He spent time with the family so I could rest or nap, helping me build daily rest times into our schedule. But then we didn't visit as much and everyone, including me was sad about that. ...
We also canceled our 2nd vacation, a camping trip. A lot of factors when into that but for me, it was the overwhelming thought "I can't do one more thing." Each day seems harder... I'm usually not like this. I have a positive outlook! I've been going on the camping trip for Years!!! I see friends there I never see otherwise. How can I actually want to NOT go? Who is this person? She's not me. And I don't like her. ...I don't know how to change it though. I have no energy to change.
I've asked for more meds but been told NO. Even though I've had 2 new issues, I'm told it's a probably just a craving for meds. A craving?? A craving not to hurt!! Not for meds!! Fibro on top of RSD, that should be cause to increase meds. Now spinal pains from a botched spinal block (they inserted terms the needle 5xs!! Before they got it right!!) I'm so disheartened I've looked up ketamine infusions and hyperbaric oxygen treatments...but I can't afford them... but I can't live as this angry bitter person either... I need to find something that helps me find my center again, my positivity, and my joy. I know life will always be hard for me. But if I can see/feel they joy in things, I can have hope. I can have fun, relax, and have good times amongst the pain.
...so pretty much a whiney rant, but thanks for being a place I can do that and for listening.