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Turning our problems into a moral matter...

Dec 08, 2014 2:07 AM

My dad has this bad habit of getting on my case if I miss church because of my Scoliosis. I admit that I missed it this morning (technically yesterday morning) because of the pain, also being the second Sunday I've missed in a row. When he realized I hadn't gone, he asked why. I told him it was because my back was hurting badly. He then immediately said "Your back hurts every Sunday. You've got choir, and they count on you to be there." Not wanting to start another fight over the issue, I just said "I know." However, I was hurt by what he had said, what he was implying. I've heard it a thousand times, but I can never seem to brush it off like I do other things. What I really want to say is that I hurt everyday. 24/7, 365. I'm just tired of him acting as if I use my disability as an excuse for not going to church, and like I am somehow immoral for that. The implication that I am immoral for having a disability, and that I only use it as an excuse and nothing more. The implication that there's no real pain. That hurts. That really hurts. I love going to church, and I feel like crap every time I miss it. Truly, I do. I feel bad whenever I miss choir, it's one of my favorite things. I try my best to make it every week. But sometimes the pain is a little more than I can handle, so I don't go. And every time I miss, my dad acts as if I'm falling away from the church and God. If I dare say anything in my defense though, he puts me down even more. I love him, but it hurts when he says those things. I apologize for the long post, I'm just tired of medical problems being turned into a moral issue.

Dec 08, 2014 5:42 AM

Pain is a real issue i broke my neck in 4 places in 2000 in a car accident. I'm always in constent pain sometime going to church is so hard i have to push my self sometime because of the pain. I even cry during service sometimes it's just that hard. But you be encourage.God still loves you and that's all that matters God will not stop loving you because you miss a Sunday from church sometimes our body has to rest from the pain when we have a pain crisis.

Dec 08, 2014 7:36 AM

I used to feel guilty about missing stuff. I'm the one in pain though. Not everyone else. Don't expect anyone to understand what you feel. Just know in your heart your struggle is real like all of ours and your dealing with it to the best of your ability. I'msure god would understand you taking the time to heal yourself. Even if others don't


Dec 08, 2014 8:37 AM

Well said leamon u don't have to go to church to be a believer n follower of God. He won't get mad at u for missing church. That's my opinion n I come from a family That's Catholic my family has always been kinda strict about our religion. Maybe cuz I haven't gone to church in a couple years now. sometimes i also feel like my family n work doesnt understand how im feeling like maybe im jus making excuses for things which im not but being new to fibermyalgia theres alot i still dont understand as well. I don't know.

Dec 08, 2014 8:40 AM

Your body is your temple, you owe nothing to anyone or anything else except yourself in the time of suffering. i feel badly for you with having family members that are so insensitive and put that kind of guilt pressure on you to make you suffer more.

Its up to you but if it was me, I certainly would be telling them what I think of them when treating me in that way. Honesty is always the best practice, speak your mind.

Dec 08, 2014 9:09 AM

Thank you all so much. I feel better now, as well as encouraged by your words. I will try my best to always remember these words when dealing with family in the future.

Dec 08, 2014 1:31 PM

I had to set boundaries with my family. It was not smooth but its starting to work now for me and they are realizing the boundaries are what they are. For my mental well being I had to. Personally im a Buddhist and they believe you heal yourself first, then you can help others.

Dec 08, 2014 4:53 PM

You have to do what works for you, other people don't get to make those decisions for you. I'm sorry you're getting guilted and pressured like that. Dealing with chronic pain or illness involves a lot of prioritizing and you can't just do everything other people want you to.

Dec 09, 2014 1:19 PM

My husband use to be a great handy man around the house, yard and vehicles and now that he is not able to I have been doing it all along with all driving too. I don't mind being care giver but now I have been told I have Lupus so I wonder what happens now.

Dec 10, 2014 1:38 AM

I read your post and I thought it might do you good to get a response from a Pastor. When Jesus healed the sick, can you recall one time that He asked them, "Have you been attending church since you've been sick?" No. You know why...because it was not important. Jesus was concerned about the sick being "made whole". More times than not we, Christians equate church attendance with salvation. The logic being, if I am in church attendance all the time I am less likely to sin. Wrong! People sin in church, I believe sometimes more than those that don't come and attend often. Some of the ones that come every Sunday are so pretentious and so "holier than thou" acting until their very attitudes are sinful. They are too judgmental of others. And that within itself is a sin. Jesus said, "Judge not less you be judged. For with the same judgment that you judge shall you be judged by also." And all sin is sin with God. We are no better by warming a church pew Sunday after Sunday and neither are we any worse off for missing a few Sundays because we are not well.
Actually, we are the church. The Holy Spirit lives on the inside of us. The building is just where we congregate to garner strength by fellowshipping with others of like faith. As long as you pray and read your Word while you are at home and do not use your illness to stay away from the service for too long, what I believe our Bible teaches, you are good with God! It is my prayer I have helped you! Blessings...

Dec 10, 2014 7:15 AM

Prg, you sound just like me! Belle, the Lord says "your body is your temple". So it would only be natural and God's will for you to take care of it. We're always here for support if you need us!

Dec 10, 2014 3:24 PM

Belle, I am 53, the daughter of a pastor, who like you was expected to be in church every time the doors were open. And if I missed I was made to feel badly. Four years ago I was had major surgery that led into many intermingled diagnoses from fibromyalgia, osteoarthritis, spinal disc & bone mass degeneration, TMJ, migraines, and others. I've missed more church services in a "building" than I've attended. But as the pastor above says, God lives in our hearts and our bodies are His temple. God knows where your heart is and He knows your physical pain. When you can't congregate in the church, congregate with just yourself & God, or through TV or internet services. I've received many blessings that way, where I felt God was sending me a message I needed to hear, to lift my spirits even. Just last year while visiting my dad, I awoke unable to attend church, and at lunch I received a lecture...yes, at my age. I respectfully listened to my dad and then responded softly, "God met with me here while you were in the church building." I placed my hand over my heart when I said it, and my step mom smiled in support. Sadly to say, my dad has become ill over the past few months and misses many services. He now understands what I was saying that day. May God bless you with healing to attend services to be with HIM, whether or not you can attend at the church building with your dad. Always be respectful, but yes, speak up and let them know how you feel. God bless!

Dec 10, 2014 4:03 PM

You're not a bad person for not being able to do things you want to do but can't. It's normal to feel bad, even frustrated which can lead to stress and more psychosomatic complaints (more pain, less mobility).
Remember the Sermon on the Mount. Peace and Love upon you and all sentient beings.

Dec 11, 2014 1:03 AM

Awww, you guys! Thank you for the overwhelming support! Your messages made me tear up and cry. I feel very blessed and loved right now. God bless you all!

Dec 11, 2014 3:11 AM

The hardest think about chronic pqn/ fibro is trying to get people to understand our pain is real. I am grateful my folks live in CA and we live in PA. They do not believe in fibro, but I am done trying to defend myself over it! I know I cannot work and if they want to believe I laying about it...then so be it! I am so sorry you have so much pain.... I am with you on that...big gentle hugs

Dec 11, 2014 8:48 PM

The hardest part for me is I used to care what other ppl thought about my pain my job after one week told me I needed to be there even if I didn't due any thing but walk around and sweep the floors for eight hours the doctor gave me a excuse from work for a month at a time with no standing for twenty mins at a time so the job told me if I didn't show up that I won't get paid so I would go in and while I was there I would take a pill and they told me to go home till I was cleared to work that was fifteen years and they started all kinds of rulers about me now thers only one person who really knows how I. Feel and that matters to me that's my wife. Of thirty years and I could never of made that bad time of my. Life with out her and god

Dec 14, 2014 1:34 AM

Amen to everyone! I attend & serve in the church, and sometimes I'm in so much pain, I'm there, but not And unfortunately I see people sleeping, texting., all sort of things. Therefore you have those that are only physically there, absent mentally, spiritually or emotionally. God knows where your heart is. And like the Pastor said, you can praise & worship from home. Praying for everyone!

Dec 14, 2014 7:04 PM

God knows what is in your heart, and I truly believe He wouldn't expect you to attend services, much less choir, when you are unable. Being a preacher's kid AND a missionary's kid (my parents were on the mission field 5 years), I was expected to be at church for all classes/services offered. However, my dad was understanding about not being able to attend if health issues came into play. All he asked is that whoever it was not going, watch a televised service or listen to one on the radio. Perhaps if you talked to your dad about doing something along those lines, y'all could come to an understanding. Not to mention, church pews are probably as bad for your back as just about anything!

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