My Dad and I were talking and he's ready & raring to move out of the rehab center. He called my stepmom and said, "Bring the car and pack up my stuff. I'm ready to break out of here!" Lol I told him the insurance is paying for a hospital bed & his own wheelchair, but that we have to bring his chest of drawers, nightstand & chair up for his room at the assisted living (he thinks is temporary).
I'm not sure he understood that. But his eyes narrowed and he asked How long he'll be there. I told him that depends on how well he does, physically & mentally with PT & memory therapy (Meaning if he worsens or has no impv, he'll stay longer). I told him God can do miracles, and the last time anesthesia did this to his brain it took 8 months for his mind to clear. He said he didn't want to be there a year. The facility staff said its ok not to tell him its permanent until after he's there. I hate having to not be up front with him, but his tantrums are getting horrible and I can't handle them anymore; I broke down after the last 2 and cried all the way home. 😢
I did tell him it's important not to rush his leg healing, that he's 20 years older than at his first knee replacement so he won't heal as fast. I stressed he needs to use his walker bc if he hurts it, or breaks his leg he could be bedridden, meaning he'll go to a NH. I said he wouldn't want that and shaking his head he said no he didn't want that.
He then said, "Well what good am I?" I asked what he meant and slapping his legs and motioning around the room he asked it again. I paused then replied that God must feel he's important because He could have called him home many times. Then I said, "Daddy in reality my body is sicker than yours, I'm aging faster and in bad health at a much younger age than when you started having health issues in your late 60's (he's soon 87 & I'm 55)." I told him when I first started going downhill I asked the exact same question to myself & to God, (What good am I to anyone anymore?) and God's response was that my ailments and how I dealt with them are to show my children & grandchildren how to handle poor health & adversity & stress in their lives." He shook his head sideways, looked at me with wide eyes and said, "I never thought about it like that before." Then we enjoyed the rest of our visit.
I knew it was coming sooner or later, following the very stressful 3 months of assisting my dad and stepmom. I slept 3 hours overnight, after 4:20am this morning. My sjogrens reared its ugly head 3-4 days ago with thrush so bad I could barely swallow, followed by the tiny pin prick blisters all in my mouth that burns and stings, with the dry cracked tongue to boot! I've been gradually having more pain every day, and then last night the fibro dragon but hard! I literally was on the verge of tears because I could not get comfortable anyway I laid. I started itching and hyperventilating from anxiety so I took an anxiety pill at 2am. Then at 3:30 I took another Tramadol. Unfortunately I had to get up at 8 am to stay another day filled with errands for others & myself. Then we have to get furniture moved tomorrow for my dad to be transferred soon, along with setting up an assisted living apartment for my stepmom; so she's closer to him & me (easier to help her too). On Monday I have to pay bills, wash laundry and pack for my medical trip 3 hours away (for 3 days). When we get back my hubby has an EGD Friday, followed by my own the following Friday (to check the Barrett's esophagus). And between then and my neck surgery June 19th I have 9 other doctors to see. No wonder I'm in a flare! I told the lady at the AL facility that I might need a room soon for myself! Lol
Got to get a move on. As slow as I am moving my hours run short every day and I'm out much longer than I intend or need to be. Sending hugs love and prayers for all of you to have bearable days ahead, as pain free as possible! And to all you mom's...
Happy Mothers' Day! 🙂💕🙏🌼