Learn from patients with pain similar to yours

CatchMyPain Community and Pain Diary App to manage chronic illness

Vent

Nov 29, 2015 11:31 PM

Hey all, tomorrow is back to school and I'm tired and simply stressed, but if it's here at least I have a chance of sleeping...so here goes something.

I feel like I'm falling again, falling down, tripping up, getting up to speed yet again. My school project is behind, I'm confused and my head is mush after a lot of news. New relationships, my sister is freaking out, and I feel she'll run away soon.

My whole family is pretty bad at organizing, and we're really the wrong family to properly support my sis, we're inconsistent at consequences, forgetful, and give second chances all the time.

Yet, even as I write, she may be telling others she's been abused when it's simply not true and she took over my room last night, cleaned it just like my stepmom used to when she's pissed.

Sister's been stealing my roommates stuff, apparently my sis doesn't like her. I'm a pushover, she literally pushes me around even though I'm about 40 pounds heavier.

My sister is still starving herself, except the occasional carb filled snack. She runs in front of cars without thinking, and I can't help but fear for her, and fear her.

I get sick thinking of her coming home. She's ripped up and murdered my things before, I should be used to it, but I'm really not, meanwhile my sis is opening a closet few knew existed.

I'm so tired, so stressed, I can barely think straight. I was up till 3 last night, until my exhaustion beat out my nausea and numbness. I feel like my stepmom is back in the house, and I don't know what to do. We can't have her leave, she doesn't want to stay. She keeps on saying things are okay, but it's a lie, a facade, so she can avoid the blame.

And here I am stupidly ranting

I hate this! Our car is broken, our family friend doesn't trust us and I'm just tired, so tired. My leg is number than normal, and I can't imagine normal. Have school tomorrow, projects unfinished, don't even know how I'll focus near my group members.

Why do I have to think this much?

Nov 30, 2015 3:48 AM

Hey don't worry you are not alone! My sister is four years older than me and is absolutely horrible to my family too. It's not easy to deal with being in pain 24/7 but she's my sister and I couldn't imagine being mad at her forever even though she says and does hateful things. I hope our sisters figure it out and grow up! We have a step little brother and sister too she doesn't say a word to and it hurts their feelings more than she knows. All I can do is be there for my family even though it's hard not being able to drive without putting myself in a 10 pain where I faint. All we can do is show them love and hope they get it!

Nov 30, 2015 7:50 AM

Ferretbandit you certainly have your plate full and have been struggling both physically and emotionally. I can't imagine what you are going through but I know it's not how such a wonderful and giving young lady should have to live. You should not feel bad for ranting, you're upset and feeling lost and not knowing what to do with it. I wish I could tell you. To live in fear for and also of someone is a more than difficult position to be in. All you can do is the best that you can do. You're one person. You are not responsible for your Sister's well being or her living conditions. At the end of the day though, I get it that she is your Sister and it makes it really harder to figure out what to do. My heart breaks to hear your words and know that you are so lost and tired and frightened. When you get back to school tomorrow, things will start to fall back into place. Try to ha g in there and know that you've got your pain family behind you and we are all sending you love, positive vibes, gentle {{Hugs}} and prayers to help you find the way.💕🙏🏻🌻

Nov 30, 2015 8:27 AM

Ferret, I am sorry you have so much pressure on you at a young age, I couldn't dream of putting my kids through that. Sending you prayer's, love and very gentle hugs! 🙏💕💞

Nov 30, 2015 11:45 AM

Ferretbandit, you aren't responsible for your sister. That responsibility belongs to your parents. You need to try and let go (though love), not to be cruel, but to take care of yourself. Let your parents worry about helping your sister, and you focus on your school and your work. (((Hugs))) & prayers for strength, peace, and courage. 🙏🌼

Nov 30, 2015 1:58 PM

I get that I'm not responsible for her, it's just I still have to deal with her, and at some point it just becomes noise, everything she's been doing, and I can't distance myself, not yet. We have to live together, and even if she runs away she'll still probably come back, and it will be proof of that phrase "history roasts itself" (I know it's repeats but the auto correct cracked me up)

Nov 30, 2015 5:06 PM

I'm not talking about total distancing. That's impossible even living in separate homes. I'm just talking about distancing yourself emotionally, enough to care for yourself. Your parents should be getting your sister help. If they refuse then they are enabling her to continue the same behavior. And in my opinion they are failing her as parents, ignoring that she needs special help & intervention they can't provide.

I'm speaking from experience growing up. My family was the first divorce in our family and in our community. My family was the dysfunctional family every other family talked about. My family was the one that no other family wanted their children exposed to. I understand completely.

My sister, ran away, skipped school, etc. I continued to love her, play & spend time with her, but when she was in trouble I left her & the situation alone, to the adults. You can still be there as a sister, without being a victim, afraid of her. I was afraid of my sister and her temper too. She beat the crap out of me once. When I learned to stop being afraid of her is when she stopped trying to intimidate me by fear. It's a bullying tactic. My sister may have been big enough to still hit me, but I let her know I'd get a few punches in she wouldn't forget. I learned at a very young age to trust very few and take nothing off anyone, to speak up for right and against wearing, even if it caused others to be made and say they hated me. It was not easy to do that at 11. I felt like the whole world was caving in on me. But as you can see I survived and I'm stronger for it.

History can and often does repeat itself. My family was filled with alcoholism, drug addiction, abuse, infidelity and more. As the youngest I witnessed it all. But I also decided I would not grow up to be any of those things, nor would I be anyone's punching bag. History stops repeating itself when someone decides to break that cycle, when one person decides to stop the continuing, habitual pattern of behavior, when someone stops enabling. Breaking it requires what's called "tough love."

You can still love your sister, but you can also stand up to her and let her know that what she's doing is wrong, manipulative, bullying, and you won't support her negative behavior. Sweetheart, I know it's a scary thing to do because I had to do it, more than once, standing against multiple family members, standing for what was right. You are a bright, gentle hearted person. Standing up, against what's wrong in no way changes that in you. But it will make you emotionally stronger & braver each time. My heart aches for what you are going through. No family is perfect, but many never know about the physical, mental, & emotional trauma children are raised in. I know it all too well! I vowed my own children's lives (when I had any) would not suffer through the same. I wish I knew a way to stop it happening others lives too. I'm sending you big (((hugs))), positive thoughts, & prayers for strength & courage! 🙏🌼

Nov 30, 2015 5:10 PM

wearing = wrong
others to be made = ...mad

PS... History roasts itself was funny! 😄

Nov 30, 2015 7:45 PM

Thanks Flappy, I'll try to stand up to her.
My family is doing their best to deal with her, but with my sis being strongest illness wise, it can be hard.
Today was nice because between project stress, and being around my crush, plus my friend, I forgot some of the rest of life. Sooo nice!

Nov 30, 2015 8:29 PM

Awesome for you ferretbandit! Every little bit of enjoyment helps negate the negativity, or at least it does for me. Sweet dreams with little pain, and prayers tomorrow will be a better day. 🙏🌼

Ready to start relieving your pain?

Join Community