I would never wish this pain on anyone, but today I could! My mother in laws friend came round to see her and she turned around to me and said "oh your to young to be in that much pain, my daughter had sciatica and the doctor told her to walk to the pond twice to get rid of it and it did" first I would love to walk up to the pond which is 30 minutes from my house all up hill a very steep hill (I live on a mountain) yes I got told to keep moving which I do but don't over do it. So I asked what did her daughter take she was on co codamol 15/500 that helped a lot with hers I'm on 30/500 which don't even take the edge off the pain. Sorry I just needed to rant
Rant on! I have many of those comments over the years.... My favorite is ....you look so well! My reply is ...you know me I'd never let you see me down, that's why you don't see me much... Try that they look at you crazy,,,,,,another is . When did you get in a wheelchair...my reply is ....wheelchair does it bother you? At that point they don't know how to deal with it. Your pain is real, it is not like mine or others but it is real, and darn it it hurts. God Bless!
I truly understand the way you feel. So many people make such rude comments. They make our condition sound so simple as if we choose to be in it by refusing to be active. But for just one moment, I am going to use the words you said. I was absent being there for the tone and expressions. But could it be we are sensitive to this issue so we are are sensitive to what people say. She said "Your too young to be in that much pain" I was wondering is it possible she was stating a fact. That she felt older people should have pain but young people shouldn't be in pain. Only you can tell by how she said it. And when she told you what the doctor told her daughter to do, are you sure she was not just telling you something that happened.
I only say that, and it is not to second guess you. It is just to think about the words you wrote a set the tone of voice, micro expressions, body position, it could have another meaning. The reason I bring this up is because I am very sensitive about being disabled and limited. I don't like the fact that I am sitting there when someone is visiting the house and other people are doing things for them. I hate it when someone is pushing me in a wheelchair because I don't need it all the time. So I feel like they may think I am being lazy. I don't feel that way about others. So I get offended by people's remarks sometimes that I take out of context. I had a cousin a couple of months ago after learning I was in severe pain for a long time send me a recipe. She said do this and you will be up and about in no time. She really didn't get it. But she took time to email that to me because she wanted to help. Older people can be more direct and I have been hurt by their expressions. But I know they meant well. I just sugar coat everything.
Well I am done, I hope you know what I mean by this post. Because I am not trying to take away your reason for being upset. Like I said, I wasn't there. I was just trying to say what people say is not always the way we take it to mean. So please don't be offended, I wasn't trying to attack your ranting. I rant all the time. We need to. I hope things go well for you and that you get the understanding and support that you need and deserve. I hope that friend is much more kinder and careful with her tongue. I hope you find some relief. Best wishes
Profiler- I love the "your to young to be in pain" comment- it happens to me! Also I am constantly worried that others will think I am lazy when I have to relax all day and through out the day. I even judge myself! I feel the pain and fatigue and still think I should be able to do it all! I guess wel have to keep in mind that society and stereotypes/discriminations run deep in people, even ourselves, and we need to keep challenging our thoughts and others.
I totally agree with both of you! And to make matters worse, I'm my own harshest critic. And becaus I critique myself, I tend to think others do too and then I'm even more upset with myself. Of course all of this is still relatively new to me. A friend if mine asked me if I had to pay some one to do ADL stuff for me and it rubbed me the wrong way. Of course I can yake care of that. But in all reality I can't. UPS and FedEx is doing much of the heavy lifting. I'll need a gardener next summer and I sure do need a cleaning lady. My house and garden has gotten so bad I don't even want anyone to come help me with it. But then, none of this was my fault, they do this for a living and I'm fairly certain they won't judge (too much). Sometimes we're just too prideful to ask for help.