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Wanting to give up!!

Aug 29, 2016 11:34 PM

Does anybody else just want to give up the fight! I mean fighting for disability! Fighting to do exercise and keep busy! I am not even 40 and I want this life to be over! I can't imagine living this life( not even living) for another 40 yrs fighting with doctor's trying to get some pain relief..tired of hiding indoors because of weather or ignorant people that don't understand..just diet just exercise just get a hobby! Like fuck off! This battle is endless and I don't know if I am strong enough to keep going.whats the point more pain more rejection..no one understanding..not getting disability will leave me with two choices losing my house and everything or going back to work I just can't? I am so stressed can't sleep barely eat just stopped talking to everyone because I feel like I have nothing to contribute but pain and misery..who wants to hear that??
Sorry for the rant I just am so lonely and fed up!!
Anna

Aug 29, 2016 11:48 PM

Hey I totally get where your coming from, I'm 26, I was born schizo and in pain, I've never lived a day without extreme pain, and I might be getting cut off of SSI, It made me realize I need to get a job I can do, so right now until I find out about SSI I'm taking walks, short then longer and longer I'm building up my stamina because I've realized SSI isn't going to be there forever, so I'm going back to school, and this time I'm going to become a medical transcriptionist, something I can do on my terms, at home, and get paid more then SSI, I've wanted to give up so bad that I have tried to commit suicide before and have come very close to dying. I even have had a few stays in the mental hospital, but it ends up being worth it, you look at you family's newest kid smile at you and say I love you, to go out in a nice october night and just feel the air and the energy around you, it's magical, when someone invites you out, make an effort to go, enjoy the little thing and revel in the successes you end up having, small victories I always say. There are still days I want to give up to the point of killing myself, but I talk to someone who loves me, I ask them out loud, "remind me, what an I still here for? Help me feel better please" and it always works, someone helps if you ask for it, even going outside your family cuz I know not everyone has good family ties, but guess what there are people sitting at phones waiting for your call to help you because even tho they dont know you they care about you. There are people here that dont know you but cry for you, and care.

Aug 29, 2016 11:59 PM

Look for the topic my life's not so bad because..... by flappyslady81. Very insparational

Aug 30, 2016 3:43 AM

Hello Anna... ๐ŸŒน๐ŸŒน๐ŸŒน
๐Ÿค”in a word Yes... but each time i feel this way..๐Ÿค—. i accept that ๐Ÿซthere are gonna be times when i just ๐Ÿชwant to chuck in the towel...๐Ÿ˜ถi recognise these feelings... and say..."oh i need to take care of me!"๐Ÿ˜ฐ

๐Ÿค— So i take hot bubble baths... i sit in the sunshine... i listen to relaxing music... i walk my dog...๐Ÿ˜‹ i hug fucking trees lol (true)..๐Ÿ˜š. i create something from nothing๐Ÿ˜ and๐Ÿ˜‰ give it to a stranger!๐Ÿ˜š

I breathe... โš˜
๐Ÿ˜listen to ur body... and ๐Ÿ˜‰ listen to ur mind in the same way angel...๐Ÿค— u need to give urself a break...๐Ÿ˜š and do whatever it takes to reduce๐Ÿ˜Š this stress in ur life. ๐Ÿค”Stress = more pain... so relax and take that stress down from a ๐Ÿ˜ฒscreaming 9...๐Ÿ˜ฐ to calling 5... to a ๐Ÿ˜„tall glass of shutthefuckup 2... and ur perspective will change angel ๐ŸŒน๐ŸŒน๐ŸŒน

From my own 14year struggle...
I am 44 now ๐Ÿค—

โคthanQ for sharing Sammy... u r so brave... and i am so glad u r here with us now ๐Ÿ˜š to share ur story ๐Ÿค”and process... to conclusion...โš˜ its a beautiful inspiration in itself ๐Ÿค—

I was then going to say about Flappers๐ŸŒน post... good hit Sammyโš˜

Aug 30, 2016 4:05 AM

Thanks ladies I appreciate your kind words and I have read Flapppyslady81 story...I am glad that she can smell the flowers and think how others are worse off and it helps her feel better! But I am past that point I don't want to share my entire story and I know that there will always be something or someone worse off but that doesn't help me it only kicks me down worse.Maybe I am being selfish or maybe I am the only one who feels this way.. wouldn't surprise me..I am stuck in a prison I didnt ask for i don't believe I deserve and there is no way out! I appreciate you girls trying to lift my spirits and thanks for listening to my story!

Aug 30, 2016 4:07 AM

โš˜โš˜โš˜

Aug 30, 2016 5:13 AM

"To a tall glass of 'SHUTTHEFUCKUP' " ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚
Always know how to pick up a low mood....Hope you're doing ok Lulabel, we actually have some decent weather for once...quick, get the sun loungers out๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

Aug 30, 2016 6:14 AM

Jah hehehe... see my neck tattoo... Believe! ๐Ÿค—hope u get out in this sunshine โ˜‰ too angel โค

Aug 30, 2016 8:41 AM

Anna I totally have said the exact same thing before, people tell me all the time people are worse off then you so be greatful, I say well thats them and I'm sad and wanna help but that doesn't change the fact that I'm misreable and in pain and this is my burden to bear and it doesn't make things any better to think of those worse off it just makes me feel worse not being able to help them, my trick is when I get into a hot shower, instead of thinking of what others don't have, I count my blessings, top 3? #1 I have a hot shower when I feel sick and need it, #2 I have a bed, not the most comfy but it gets me rest #3 my mom who is always there for me, I could go on like having a place to live and food to eat, etc. But yea instead of thinking how bad others have it, think of how much you already have.

Aug 30, 2016 9:09 AM

Anna1978, I know where you are coming from. I've been suicidal and actually went as far as to take my meds and drink a bottle of tequila.
There ARE times where we get "stuck" in a spot where you are and nothing seems to make you feel better. If you think long term (you're 40 and who wanted to live another 40 years like this) BUT... They could come up with something new that could give you tremendous relief. Think of the people who you love and who love you. Think of the smiles and the I love you's that you'd miss out on. You have to break it down, cry if you have to (you need that release) and then remember that all we have is the here and now. There is no guarantee for tomorrow. You can only work with what you've got at THIS moment in time. When this one is done, then you deal with the next. If you live in the moment it is not so overwhelming.
No, it's not always easy but you can do it. Also you have an entire community of people behind you to help lift you up. Sending you {{{Hugs}}} for a better day!!๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ™๐Ÿป๐ŸŒป๐Ÿ˜Š

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