As most of you know my doctor wants me to do a pain pump or a spinal cord stimulator. What most of you have told me has just...freaked me out honestly. I'm so scared. My anxiety is at an all time high. I can no longer sleep, I can hardly eat again. Pain is just getting worse and worse, and nothing the doctors do is helping. I had to move out of my boyfriends house temporarily because of this and move back in with my mkm, which is more stress being away from him. I'm losing CHUNKS of hair and by chunks I mean I have 5-7 bald spots right now. It feels like I just can't stop crying. I just want to give up, I'm scared to go to the doctors because he wants me to make a decision. I'm scared to move because of pain. I just don't know what to do any more. I'm shaking constantly. Its like a never ending panic attack. The worst part is, its Halloween. My favorite holiday. I use to do special effects makeup (that crazy bloody makeup in movies) this is the first year in about 5 year I haven't been able to do it. It is just really upsetting me. I feel like I can't even do what I love anymore typing on my phone is hard at this point, I have to use voice to text for most of it. Ugh. I'm sorry for ranting. I just feel like I need to vent.