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What a rubbish weekend!

Oct 30, 2016 2:21 AM

Hi guys I'm really sorry but this is another post of moaning but I find it helps sometimes to get things off my chest!

My weekend started off Friday morning....my son AJ went on a trip to Germany with his school choir (when he first said he'd joined the choir last year I was a little shocked!!!). He should have been at school for 6:30am but we had both slept thro our alarms and AJ woke me up in a panic at 6:50am we ran around getting dressed and finished packing the stuff I'd ironed when I couldn't sleep. we were out the door by 6:55 and at his school by 7:10 just in time!
I came home and couldn't sleep so potted about in a daze not really doing much.
At about 2pm me and Jo started packing to go over to my mum and dads. We left just after 3:30pm, I felt a bit tired but I felt ok today's. About 20 minutes into the journey I started to feel really tired and my eyes closed and I veered off into the next lane At which point I told Jo that she needed to start talking to me and asking me questions. She did all the way there.
When we got there I told dad what had happened then I went to bed for half an hour. when I got up dad wanted me to work behind the bar for a bit I said no my anxiety and pain were to high and I felt too shaky (mum had gone on a night out with the ladies darts team. I finally gave in and went behind the bar.
I was very shaky, feeling sick and shaky. I pulled 5 pint but I was soo shaky that when I took it to the person who ordered it but I had spilt a fair amount and I left the bar feeling soo anxious, sick and my heart was going soo fast that I told dad I couldn't do it and went upstairs. He came up briefly to tell me that I need to pull myself together and that I'm on too many pills. Dad kept coming up asking me to work and I kept saying no. The I said more I said no the angrier he got andstarted to pick at my faults so I went to bed.

Saturday morning I got up mum asked if I could vaccum the bar, I said I would try. I did as the bar wasn't too bad but I was absolutely knackered so sat quietly in the bar whole no one was there. Jusr before 12 I let the barmaid in, we had a little chat about different things and coping strategies for coping with our anxieties. DAD came down to open the bar and get the newspapers and as no one was in I sat in the bar with the barmaid for a bit. Dad came back with the newspapers and he started picking at my faults so I went in the kitchen to my mum. Mum did lunch which kmy dad and Jo ate in the bar and mum and me ateΓΉ in the kitchen. DAD came into the kkitchen and again started pick on me again but this time I started to argue back, with that dad got cross and started shouting at me and wasn't nice so I went and packed our stuff and me and Jo came home with me trying not to cry (I needed to see where I was going!). Whenwe got home I laid down for a bit and slept.

At around half five my dad calls me to tell me my mum had gotten drunk.
When my mum can't cope she either downs a bottle of vodka or takes a load of tablets to pass out so the thoughts going round in her head stop, she's been doing it for years and this year when she did it at easter my uncle took her to hospital where they found out it was caused by her hormones due to her menopause. They put her on HRT and she hadn't done it since then.
It seems the argument between me and dad set her off again and when dad called me, he insinuated that it was my fault and wouldn't take half the responsibility and after speaking to my next sister down I was the only person he called. I offered to go back and take mum to hospital but he said no she doesn't need to go.

At the moment I'm feeling guilty and upset and haven't slept much at all.

Oct 30, 2016 2:35 AM

Sezz, I'm sorry that happened. I've been made to feel guilty when I say I can't do something. It makes me feel so sick that I sometimes end up doing it anyways and paying the price. It'll get better, it alwayd does. Then of course things get worse again and then better. I think the emotional part makes it harder. Hang in there Hon. It will be ok. Sending gentle {{{Hugs}}}, well wishes and good karma your way. Look out the window sweetie, is the sun out. Enjoy the beauty of it, listen to the birds, look at your children.. smile. πŸ’•πŸ˜Š

Oct 30, 2016 2:41 AM

Why do men do that? I had a very verbal abusive childhood. I even had a step-father who made me write a thousand times I am stupid I am dumb.😒😒😒.
Now I'm married and when ever we have a argument he knows exactly what to say to crush me. I'm lazy using my sickness to not clean.(I clean just not as well as I did 5 years ago) he thinks my disability makes me his slave. I get up m-f at 5:30 am to make him a lunch to go to work. I greet him every day w/ a cold beer. Tonight I was called a cunt, bitch and worthless piece of shit.
The movie "Pretty Lady". She says after the lawyer smacks her " what do they pull guys aside in high school and teach them to hit". I think they also teach them to be very verbally mean too.
How do they know just what to say to break your heart & soul & selfworth?
I'm sorry you had the same verbal lashing I did tonight. It's bad enough not feeling like the person we use to be add verbal abuse to it, makes you feel like curling up & dying!!!
{{hugs from afar}}

Oct 30, 2016 5:40 AM

Mzladybug I had a husband like that, it wouldn't matter what I did or didn't do I was always in the wrong and he knew what to say and how to say it to make me feel the worst person in the world! HE started slowly but it got progressively worse after our daughter was born then again when we married but it became impossible when he was made redundant and I was working..... was still expected to do all the house work and meals even tho the carers job I had was early mornings, early evening's and late evenings. HE started to drink whiskey at this time as well.
The day I left was the day he went to hit my son ( from a previous relationship ) as an adult for defending his dad.
Over here in England your husband would be cclassed as a mentally and emotionally abusive person and if you can get out it would be the best thing for you and your self worth......ow many times have you been told he wants a divorce and made you sleep on the sofa then the next day he's sorry and how much he loves you?

My dad (actually hes my step dad) can be ok and will help me out as much as possible but then he can be the biggest arsehole going but he's nowhere near as bad as my ex husband was.

Sending you { { { BIG GENTLE LOVING HUGS } } } and hope you do the best thing for you

Oct 30, 2016 5:45 AM

Alwayz family life is like a roller coaster one minute your flying high then thr next you're shot in down as fast as you can possibly can!!!! I'm holding hands on as hard as I can Xx

Oct 30, 2016 1:55 PM

It sounds like you both have had a bad weekend. Not all men are like that. I went from a physically abusive marriage to a mentally abusive one. Yet my fiance was one of the sweetest, gentlest man I ever knew. We were together for 4 years before cancer won but I would do it all again.

But that being said. Mental abuse is still abuse. Sometimes the words hurt more than the hitting because they go soul deep. I felt like a tremendous weight was lifted from me when I left. Sometimes all you can do is walk away. Regardless of who is handing out the abuse - you are a human being who deserves to be treated with respect. Especially from those who claim to love you.

(((((gentle hugs))))

Oct 30, 2016 2:21 PM

Thank you Sezzy & Mimikay for your words of wisdom. I pray God gives me the strength & I pray the serenity prayer. Thanks again! Have a wonderful day!

Nov 01, 2016 11:54 AM

Thanks Sezzy, that's most kind of you to give me the hand hold. We all need one every now and again. I've gotten very used to being both invisible and yet wrong for what I think, what I want, what I do, what my opinions are. Well, you know what.. I'm ME!! Love me or don't. I won't sacrifice who I am to be someone I'm not. I've always been true to myself and I'm not going to stop now. Yes. It's draining, but tomorrow is always another day. {{Hugs}}πŸ’•πŸ˜Š

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