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When the ones you love say they hate you.

Nov 03, 2016 2:05 AM

I have no idea what else I can do... I have so much pain, fatigue and, depression that sometimes I just can't function. My almost nine year old daughter knows how sick that I am, usually sees me asleep when she gets home from school, generally sees me throwing up at least once a day and, sees me crying. Recently she's been very hateful, disrespectful and, even told me she hates me that I am so sick and I ruin so much. SHE'S told me she hates me. I am bipolar and struggle with so many health issues it cuts like a knife. I have no close family, only her and her father. There are so many days that I want to just give up and die and let them move on. I cry so many nights I don't know what to do. :(

Nov 03, 2016 3:46 AM

She knows that you're sick but maybe she doesn't understand. she might feel that she doesn't come first.
I know it hurts to hear her say those things, just remeber the she doesn't mean it.
Think of it from her view,
She sees her mother sick and medicated and has to deal with growing up a little bit faster.
I think you need to sit and have a serious conversation with her and let her know she still is in the fore frount of your mind.
It might all be frustration of not feeling she can say what she needs too and feeling she is not important.
I think everything would be better after talking to her and listening

Nov 03, 2016 4:54 AM

Oh darling... ๐Ÿค—do not feel so bad ๐Ÿ˜š.....she doesnt understand the gravity of her words.๐Ÿค— She is just describing her frustrations as best she can. ๐Ÿ˜š

I have 4 children...๐Ÿ‘ญ๐Ÿ‘ฌ 2 of each, who have all grown up with my illness and disabilities. ๐Ÿค—They are 24 thru to 16...now..๐Ÿ˜„ and they are all๐Ÿ˜™ the most amazing human beings...๐Ÿค— because they have extraordinary empathy ๐Ÿ˜Šand care within themselves๐Ÿค—.

๐Ÿ’”They have all broken my heart with their words ๐Ÿ˜ฃat one time or another.......its just a phase of learning โ˜บ but they are better people for working thru ๐Ÿค—the hard times.

๐Ÿ˜š Ur daughter loves u...๐Ÿ˜š and u love her... ๐Ÿค—u will get thru it sweetheart i promise. ๐Ÿ˜š just hang in there hunni ๐Ÿค— ur gonna be ok ๐Ÿ˜š

Nov 03, 2016 5:42 AM

Oh Samantha, to hear those words from your baby is so hard but she is only saying it, she doesn't mean it. She is probably frustrated and upset, she sees how ill you are and it hurts her that no one can "fix" you.
Sit down with her and calmly try to explain that yes you are ill, that no no one can fix you and that the doctors are trying to find ways to help you but it's a long hard process. MOST IMPORTANTLY TELL HER YOU LOVE HER that even tho you are not well she is still your baby girl and that will never change.

Unfortunately most children go thro the faze of telling their closest that they hate them.

My baby boy who turns 14 tomorrow has said it to me. The first time he did was not long after I got ill, before I was diagnosed with trigeminal neuralgia and before we went into the woman's refuge because of my daughters dad. He wanted to do something with his friends but I was ill and wouldn't drive him and didn't have the money for him to get a bus or train. He started shouting at me telling me that he hated me, that I must hate him because of everything he went thro and how I didn't protect him from my ex husband (my son was from a previous relationship so my ex husband was his step dad), how he would always be picked on and how my daughter could do no wrong (my ex husband is her dad), even if she did something my son would always get the blame.
Let me tell you that hurt, it hurt soooooo much. I felt soo much guilt as well but I didn't show it (altho I don't have a poker face my every emotion shows!), i senter him up to his bedroom. a while later he came down to me and he apologised. He said he knew it would hurt me but he was so angry and all his emotions came out......e had seen how hurt I was when I got my ex out, he could see how the stress of my ex living 200 yards away and following us was affecting me and how he didn't like being followed by my ex and he didn't want to talk to my ex but he would go to my son and try to have a conversation with him while my son was waiting for his school bus.....everything came out, he hadn't let any of his emotions out because he felt he needed to be the man of the house and try to protect me and his sister. I immediately rang his school and demanded that they had a counsellor come in to see him and it helped him immensely.

Maybe your baby girl just needs a little help to understand, maybe an ear to listen to her problems and worries. If you can maybe try to get her to see a counsellor or if you have a friend she trusts to speak to her and to listen to her and if you can keep telling her you love her and she's the most important person in your life and cuddle her, she may just need a little reminding that you're there for her and will do what you can for her when you are well enough.
I've found with my two babies that they just want a little bit of your time for a cuddle or even to snuggle on the sofa and watch a film together altho I sometimes fall asleep watching it!
I've found children need a little bit of your time and your love, they need to hear you say the words.

Sorry I've rambled on a bit, I'm good at that!

Sending you { { { BIG GENTLE LOVING HUGS } } } XX

Nov 03, 2016 5:49 AM

Im sending you so much support as you navigate various sabotaging illnesses. Can I also add that my son started to say similar things to me at about 9 years old and it's horrific at the time but try to understand that we are their sounding board as they mature and make sense of their world. She's also going to do things that will bring you joy and fill you with love. Sending you sunshine โ˜€๏ธ

Nov 03, 2016 6:47 AM

I think almost every kid has told the parent they see the most that they hate them. I know that I've said that more than once to my mom. But in my defense she is a morning person and i am not and she finds it funny that i feel sick in the mornings and am groggy and grumpy and so she speaks extra squeeky and shrill and picks on me. And then when i get really pissed and tell her i hate her she just laughs. last time was last year when she had tickets for white water rafting and i drove us there (5 hours) the night before and paid for hotel.
Your baby probably doesnt truly mean it. Hate is such a strong word and she's probably just frustrated, hurt and scared and lashing out at you. i feel that she probably needs counseling to help cope with the fear of what's happening to you with your illness. It's got to be hard for her to see. Maybe have a family talk with both her and her dad together and see if you can get her to talk about what's really bothering her and discuss your illness.
Don't give up

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