Whats the point. I dont want to live this life anymore. The only reason im still here is because i know whats its like to loose a family member to suicide and i couldnt put them through. He was the lucky one. Everyone says im just like him. I struggle every day to seem happy to please others. But everyone always tells me i have to care about myself before others. When is it just time to say that i just dont want to do this to please everyone else all the time. Im tired of fighting and i want it to stop. And people always tell me when someones wants to die then they will eventually take there own life and therr isnt anything that could change that. I fake my way through lige every day and it doesnt change
I cant tell people how i really feel. No one understrands. I have undiagnosed fibromyalgia and am running my own buisness and working full time and it doesn't matter people still wont listen to me or understand. Now i need surgery that is going to cost me so much even though i pay a shit load for health insurance and i might go deaf withoit it and my ear causes me pain along with all my other pain. There is no way out
I know it feels like noone understands, but trust that us a community understands. Is there a social worker at your local hospital that you can meet with? Hospital social workers can provide you with counselling, financial assistance options, and can link you to agencies or programs that can help you.
Without going into a lot of details, what I can say is, as much as one person can relate be to another's pain or history, been there. I have never been good at balancing my need to take care of myself and not feel selfish because my priority has been caring for others. It used to deplete me and sometimes still does... mentally more than physically even. It feels like loss and frustration and sometimes resentment and anger but mostly empty in a way that most can't relate to. I still have days that I think that it's not that I can't do this, I don't want to...I am tired. But here is the thing. I don't know if you believe in God, I do. It took a lot of prayer for me to get where I am. I recognize now that this life that I am living has never been about me. The adversity, the pain, all of it. Every morning I have a choice. We forget sometimes when we have burdons to bear we even have choices...I can't choose to not be in pain, I can't choose how people react to me....etc. I have no power in the doctors and their limitations, on family and not understanding or weather or not I am going to wake up that morning and be able to shower without pain. I do have a choice though in how I relate to others, what I can do for them. I find control over my life not in being able to control what's happening to me but what I can bring to others, even if it's a small thing because that gives this purpose when sometimes it feels like there is none. I agree on the help thing. If you can talk to someone, do. We weren't put here to feel alone because we can't handle everything alone. Don't ever give up because you matter, what you are going though matters.
have tears in my eyes😢. dont give up on yurself. when i think this way i always say to myself that tomorrow will bring something positive something i wanna be here for. if you look aroun yu then yu will also see these things. (suicide is a permenate solution to a temporary problem ). dont let it get yu. STAY STRONG YU ARE STRONG! there is a purpose!