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Wide awake, in pain, and some how happy.

Feb 17, 2016 12:04 AM

So its just about 1 am here, and I am having some pretty horrible pain which is keeping me up. But today I got to see my best friend, basically my sister, that I havent seen in over a year maybe. We are even making plans to hang out soon, which will be amazing. I haven't hung out with a friend in over a year maybe close to a year and half (expect maybe when I was with my boyfriend's friends. But that doesn't really count) I honestly haven't even been out of the house except for doctors appointments in a VERY long time either. So since I'm on a feeding tube and need things at cretin times she is going to come over this weekend so my mom can show her what to do if something happens (even though she knows how to handle most of my issues because we lived together as kids/young teenagers lol) I have been smiling since she got here around 4:30 and now Its 1 am and I still can't stop smiling. I even cried a little bit when she gave me a hug. She is the only person in my life that has stuck around threw my crps, my mental health issues, my trauma, my everything. I am actually tearing up typing this right now. Even though today has been a very bad pain day for me i am very happy. And this just shows that you can be in pain but still be very happy no matter what's going on.

This really wasn't a question, or advice thing but I just really needed to say how I am feeling and I know I can do it here so thanks

Feb 17, 2016 3:31 AM

I'm so happy for you Jenna. I know how u feel . I'm on a trip with my boyfriend right now and eeven though ythr drive here and all the pain this day has caused I'm still happy to be out. To with someone who gets me. I got to see the kids( well his kids but we have been together for seven years so they my kids too) so I'm so happy to hear u have joy in your heart and sorry if in pain. But hold on to the joy. It's days lime this that you are fighting for.

Feb 17, 2016 6:49 AM

Jenna, your tears are treated of joy. I teared up reading your post, and I'm smiling with you. I pray the weather will be absolutely beautiful for your outing!! πŸ™‚πŸ™πŸ’•πŸŒΌ

Feb 17, 2016 7:00 AM

Jenna, YOU are truly an inspiration to me (and I'm sure many others!!) you're strong and have such an amazing attitude. My eyes are welled up with happy tears that even though you're in pain, you're happy. It does show, as you said (and Flappsy has said) that even in pain, there can still be happiness in your life. We all control our own destiny and we can choose to wallow and STAY there or to wallow for a bit (we all do) and then move forward!! We are all human and go through the gammet of emotions between depressed, frightened, anxious, throwing a pity party (I've had many of those myself), being happy, etc... I think that in times of sadness or loneliness is the time that we need to reach out because there are so many of us here with our hands out ready to grab onto those in need and help them feel better!!! I think a chat room here on CMP is a brilliant idea that Terri gave the admin. It would give us the ability to chat in real time instead of waiting for posts and checking for updates, missing stuff, etc.. We'd all be connected whenever we need someone. I'm glad that you joined the fire circle, this way you can do just that. I hope your outing is really sucessful and the weather is beautiful. Much love, gentle {{{Hugs}}} and prayers for a peaceful and low pain day!!πŸ’•πŸ™πŸ»πŸŒ»

Feb 17, 2016 7:01 AM

That's great to hear! I can't imagine having CRPS when I was younger like you. You are so strong, it has been a pleasure meeting you and learning you story! I'm happy for you because you have a great friend that will stick by you no matter what! That is a great thing to have and treasure. I know with all this pain, somehow we can all find happiness too.

Feb 18, 2016 3:11 AM

Morning 3 a.m. and I am awake...which is not unusual. So I was bothered by my sister (who has been taking my son to school ) when she snapped at me that it must be nice to sleep in while she is up driving my son around. My sister works in the same vicinity as my son's school. I am I up in pain, uncomfortable, not resting well. Debating if I take pain meds now will it make me groggy later today.
Perhaps I should call my sister at this hour so she will see that I am NOT sleeping in but merely getting some sleep after being up and down all night long while she slept peacefully pain free.
It can be frustrating when those close to you are critical and judgemental. I know it is difficult for others to understand because they can not see our pain outside of the grimmest on our faces. But to say hurtful or insensitive things. This I would trade places.

Feb 18, 2016 5:57 AM

Mysisterskeeper, I'm sorry you were awake and stressed from your sister's attitude. I've been contemplating videoing myself for a day, and then making anyone who seems to doubt how bad episodes are watch. It would show them how hard it is for me after things like grooming, cooking, running to a doc appt, trying to shop for groceries, when I get a bronchospasms spell, etc. It gets easier for me to ignore what others do say, because I realize they are just ignorant of what we all go through. And the only thing that will help them truly understand is if they have to go through it themself. If you have any dx like fibro, sjogrens, lupus, maybe you should calmly say to her, "I wouldn't wish this on anyone. But it's very common for family members to also get these same autoimmune issues. Even degenerative disc problems tend to run in families. I sure hope you don't later find yourself in my shoes. But if you do, then maybe you'll understand.". Sending you hugs, love, & prayers, that you will be able to catch some Zzzzz's! πŸ™‚πŸ’•πŸ™πŸŒΌ

Feb 18, 2016 6:22 AM

Flappyslady81 is so right! That's definitely something I will be adopting into my conversations with my husband and family! Family members (including me on a really bad day) can be so insensitive. My mom has always said that family knows how to hurt us, more than any outsider, because they are comfortable enough to do so. Another way to say what Flappyslady81 said is "if everyone got into a circle & threw their problems in the center & were told to take any problem they wanted... Everyone would leave with their own. Trust me, you don't want my issues" just a thought of some tools to add to your toolbox πŸ˜‰πŸ’ž

Feb 18, 2016 7:28 AM

That's a much better way to say it Autoimmunerrrrr! Ilk have to try and remember that. Lol πŸ™‚πŸ’•πŸ™πŸŒΌ

Feb 18, 2016 7:32 AM

Just more ideas for everyone to choose from πŸ˜‰ try them on for size, if they don't fit- try another on for size.. "WE" do this thing together, "l" suffer alone...

Feb 19, 2016 10:28 AM

So happy for you! I also have one friend who has been with me through everything, and I get the being awake and in pain but somehow feeling happy. πŸ˜„πŸ˜‹

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