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Wishes

Nov 12, 2015 7:50 PM

Okay, I'm feeling kinda sad right now, and wanted to comment on discussions about what "normal" is, but don't want to take over that topic.

Anyway, I have been crushing really hard on someone at my school, which is making me feel kinda depressed because I've never dated, and have next to non existent social skills, except around people in the 30+ years range.

My pain makes it hard to focus, hard to talk, hard to live, and I've basically always thrown myself into my work. On top of pain, I have inattentive ADD which makes it impossible to track a conversation at all, and when I think something, there is a delay for it to come out of my mouth.

Anyway, there's a girl I really able for being peppy, smiling, and friendly, all in ways I doubt I'll ever feel. I'm awkward, shy, tired, out of focus, and (right now) a bit depressed.

In theater the other day, we did an activity focused on status, randomly selecting cards, and then acting like that status. I got a low card, and a high card, and they both were stronger than I am in real life.

Other students commented that they felt like they were a much lower status, and that hurt, "that hurt my self esteem" one person said, and I was kinda shocked. I've always lived under the radar. Like today, one of my classes had 3 classes in it, and my teacher missed me in attendance.

I don't know how to react when people are friendly. I have trust issues, where you might not hear a word from me the first year you know me, but then once I get to know you, I'll be there for you any time.

Anyway, well I feel a little better now, but not normal. Even my sister has social skills though, and can talk without massive effort. I don't know, it's just hard not to compare myself to others.

Nov 12, 2015 8:04 PM

Ferretbandit, it's OK. The teens years are the most awkward years you will have. You're transitioning from a kid to an adult. And it's not easy on most kids. Just be yourself, be true to you. (((Hugs))) 🙏🌼

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